44 Hilarious Tinder WINs and FAILS From the Witty Singles of the World

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    tinder profile Why you should swipe right A Presentation By: Garrett Garrett, 21 25 miles away Beer pong expert, tinder scientist, booty wizard. I have friends and do things outside As you can clearly see with the provided visual aid, I like to do things. This is beneficial for you because: When we go out to eat, I will be forced by societal roles to pick up the tab. Who doesn't like spontaneous beach trips? It will do absolute wonders for your Instagram game You can get out of do
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    Face - Mike, 29 nope 63 miles away Hey my name is mike I'm married with two kids. I have a tiny dick that is sti infested. My wife found my profile if you can't tell and don't know yet that she's talking on the phone right now with one of my girls and is leaving me. I'm a piece of shit who doesn't give a flying fuck about anyone but myself. I have been talking and cheating so long don't be sad if I don't remember your name becauseI send the same generic shit to all you girls. Feel free to blow m
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    Hair - Chloe, 22 National Taiwan University 4 miles away I want to sleep with you. I don't mean have sex. I mean sleep together. Under my blankets, with my hand on your chest and your arm around me. No talking, just the muffled cries that you slowly let seep away from your blood gurgling mouth as I slit your throat and sacrifice your worthless life to the dark overlord.
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    Selfie - Carmen, 19 9 km away Went to a party dressed as an egg and got with a guy who was dressed as a chicken. A life long question was answered that night. It was the chicken.. X
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    Horse - AT&T 4G 22:39 48% Done Ryan, 30 Moments 3 miles away Active 2 minutes from now About Ryan Team Leader/Party Starter (also see: bacon enthusiast, beard grower, semi-professional high fiver) I'm 6'3" and will put you on my shoulders at concerts and in swimming pools. Comedy
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    Hair - Maanow, 22 3 kilometer unna I'm Thai so if you send me a dick pic I might send you one back. O_o er like fa sk mat som X
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    Wedding dress - Becky, 25 80 kilometers away I'm Becky :) I'm 23, working as a staff nurse in acute general surgery at Lincoln County. Have a lovely husband we've been together for 7 years in September! I wouldn't change a single second: X
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    Snapshot - o AT&T LTE 75% 3:42 PM X Done James, 33 8 miles away Active 9 minutes ago About James I like long walks on the beach with my girlfriend, until the LSD wears off and I realize I'm just dragging stolen mannequin around a Wendy's parking lot. a
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    Text - ... Jeb, 19 10 miles away I accidentally (purposely) changed my name to Jeb Bush on Facebook in a 2AM burst of inspiration, not realizing you can't change it for 60 days, so if that doesn't tell you enough about me as a person then I don't know what to tell you 1 Interest The Daily Show X
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    Product - 10 74% oo AT&T 3:25 PM X Done JheLaughin Hope, 19 20 miles away Active 3 days ag0 The p is silent at night
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    Beauty - oo Sprint 12:04 AM Done Samantha, 21 7 miles away Active 1 day ago Standing tall at 5'2" I want to do adult things with you.. whispers* taxes "panting softly* pay the mortgage moans make sure we turned off all the lights, our utility bill was fucking $300 this month
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    Product - IME SOLVERS 1-800-6 Meg, 23 George Mason University 45 miles away Do you like dogs or girls that can't run away? Be the Legman to my Wheels. I want the D...emocrats to regain control of the government Just looking for someone to raise an axolotl with X
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    Hair - ooo Verizon 70% 2:07 AM X Done Beth, 23 41 miles away Active 13 hours ago Sometimes I wonder how mattress stores stay in business. They're everywhere, but the average adult buys a mattress what, like every 7-10 years? With high overhead costs and infrequent sales, how could they be making Defense, IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. If you have an answer, please message me immediately. profit? Like the Chewbacca
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    Face - 2:14 Senora, 24 Research Assistant 28 km away I'm the kinda girl you can take home to your family. I will then get closer to them than you are and we'll slowly phase you out. RECOMMEND SENORA ND TO X
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    Musical instrument - Edit Info Henry, 22 Jimmy John's Spokane Falls Community College University of Washington less than a mile away I hope you like alpha males because I'm your guy. That's right, I'm the whole package. I'll defend your honor in public, won't take shit from waiters, and I'll even get you pregnant leave, and then come back to eat the child.
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    Product - Nick, 23 University of Florida You never have to worry about me walking out on you. UF Computer Engineering senior X
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    Product - Lach Messages About Lach, 19 6 kilometers away Active 51 minutes ago I love to run
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    Text - Mateus, 28 INSEAD Santa Clara University 8 kilometres away I'm the kind of guy you can take home to meet your mum. She'll think I'm charming, kind.... And a bit sexy. She falls in love with me... I think I feel the same. We get married. I'm your dad now. I confront you, "young lady, why do you have a Tinder account?" you are now grounded
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    Selfie - ooo Virgin 10 65% 11:58 Done 63 kilometers away Active 3 minutes ago I'll carve our initials onto a tree on our first date, it's the most romantic way to let you know I have a knife
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    Skin - 18:18 21% X KVictoria Victoria, 25 22 Kilometer entfernt Aktiv vor 35 Minuten A$$ and kitties. On the topic of nude pics: I just want to remind everyone of a little movie called TITANIC... a girl in 1912 has her naked body drawn in a sketchbook by a random dude that no one's ever heard of, locks the drawing in a safe on a boat, the BOAT SINKS, and her nude picture STILL ends up on television 84 years later. No one is safe.
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    Cat - Emma, 19 Publix 3 miles away X
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    Product - 13% 9:09 Krista, 24 20 miles away Don't swipe right, just on here to catch my lying boyfriend. Hey honey! If youre seeing this its over youre caught. Oh another thing that girl Brittney youre seeing sunday at 7pm in charlottesville to catch a movie. She has showed me everything. Were besties now bye loser! X RECOM KRISTA V
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    Selfie - Tim, 23 Sam Houston State University 40 miles away I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch X
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    Hair - 0.44K/s 4G VoLTE 9:54 PM 35% Deeksha, 20 School of Law, Christ University 17 km away I'm on tinder to make friends the same way I'm on Pornhub to see the plumber repair the sink. X Connection 4 C
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    Text - 4:34 PM 80% Vanessa, 19 18 miles away If what you look for is a girl with personality then you're in luck because I have multiple Don't listen to her X
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    Product - Swedish Fish Jesus, 21 Carpenter Actually several thousand years old idk why it says 21 lo Downside: I've only been nailed once Upside: I would die for you, so you know I'm committed... ..also my dad is a pretty big deal. He always beats me in dreidel Swipe right if you need some Jesus in you My Anthem Jesus, Take the Wheel Carrie Underwood
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    Face - |15%7 7:10 X Cee Cee, 24 20 miles away Active 8 hours ago "A truly amazing girl." -The NYTimes "Funniest person I know!" -Louis CK "One of this generation's most brilliant minds. -Mensa International "This chick could kick my ass in a heartbeat." -Chuck Norris "By far my favorite grandkid!" My Grandma "AAARARRRGWWWH!!!" -Chewbacca
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    Male - Edit Info Clint, 24 Palm Beach Atlantic University less than a mile away Aye wassup, I'm Clint, I like to take girls out for a massive plate of barbecue ribs on a first date. I judge them according to how many and how aggressively they consume them. Whoever defeats me in this porcine endeavor shall become my warrior bride. My Boudicca. I'll set nations ablaze at her feet just to watch the flames dance in her eyes. Our love will be beautiful in its violence as a tempest hits the Bering Str
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    Sports - 7:56 AM 93% Lucy, 20 Doubleday Cafe 89 miles away Oneonta '18 Trips, slips, and falls will be the title of my autobiography I once fell backwards down stairs while giving campus tours X ristmas s year rour
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    Product - Katy, 19 10 kilometers away My brother once put me through a Christmas tree wrapping machine then my parents put me in the boot for the ride home. dog sleer X
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    Nose - 20:18 Andrew, 27 Uni. 10 miles away Two reasons to date me: 1. Because you'd be the good looking one 2. Please X
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    Font - Mikey, 21 18 miles away we're a package deal 399 Instagram Photos X
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    Dog - Doggo, 26 26 miles away If you're into bad boys swipe left becauseI am a good boy
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    Land vehicle - Edit Info Dustin, 21 less than a mile away Well I'm a fat fuck with a big truck. If we can't get a big greasy burger then we won't work. I'm 21 years old but don't let that fool you, I have no social life like I'm 40. If my truck doesn't impress you my personality probably won't either. Welcome to the shit show.
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    Hair - oo Verizon 3:53 PM 58% X Done Sydney, 24 18 miles away Active 33 seconds ago About Sydney The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I'm singing Fergilicious and it's at the part where she says " be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he's my witness" I can point to him and he'll do the little "WOO0OH" part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it's stressful because right after the wooOOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is harde
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    Eyewear - N 83% 10:39 AM Leah, 20 University of Guelph 3 km away I'm dying so you don't have to worry about a long term commitment LEAH ND RECON TO X
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    Flightless bird - Daniel, 28 14 kilometers away Active 12 minutes ago Ppl are getting married and having kids and shit, I'm just washing my emu and fighting the dog for my dinner, single life, always keen to chat, X
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    Barechested - @ 10 18% O2-UK 03:32 XX Done Pete, 41 23 kilometers away Active 4 hours ago About Pete Things you need to know about me. First off, if we go out, you're paying. Not just for me, but for my wife if she shows up. And she's a drinker. Sex isn't guaranteed after that. If I'm interested, I'll place my underpants on the table. Fold them in three and place in your handbag. Return them washed, and we will consummate passionately. I dislike women who aren't shallow. A plus if you wear my mo
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    Food - Samantha, 20 2 miles away Can't afford a vibrator, so here we are RECOMMEND SAMANTHA X
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    Turquoise - Elie, 27 96 miles away Active 37 minutes ago This is the greatest picture in the world and you all needed to see it. X
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    Eyewear - Katie, 24 104 km away T hear you like bad girls? I'm bad at everything.
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    Face - T-Mobile 7:52 PM 1 37% Touch to return to call 14:51 Done Edit Brittany, 25 less than a mile away Active just now Congratulations, you've stumbled across my profile! Which means you have excellent taste and you're going to meet your future wife, BUT IT WON'T BE ME. Why? Because I am the one before the one We'll exchange some texts and go on a few great dates, and then BAM you'll meet your future Mrs. I don't know how or why, however I've been bestowed this gift of being an involuntary mat
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    Clothing - Gucci, 24 less than a mile away I'm the grandma in the first picture, but after Freaky Friday type situation caused us to switch bodies, I've been trapped inside this ugly idiot for weeks. Please help! If anyone can get me in contact with Lindsay Lohan for advice, that would be greatly appreciated.
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