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50 Moments of Pure Scottish Twitter Gold

In my opinion, Scottish accents are one of the best accents out there. Even though I can't understand 90% of what is said, I still think they're great. Plus, the best movie monologue just happens to also be (probably) the most Scottish scene ever. If you know what I'm talking about, you're a champ. If not, immediately check Ewan McGregor's monologue then watch Trainspotting. Then come back and read these 50 Tweets because you'll be able to imagine them in a Scottish accent and they'll be even funnier. 

Or, don't do all of the above and just read these Tweets. It'll be a righ' laff lad. 


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  • 1
    funny scottish posts on twitter Just seen a bird shoutin at her bairn to put his pants on then pointed at me sayin 'look the mans gonna steal ur willy'. Wtf no am no
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  • 2
    picture of rice next to google pictures of chinese man funny scottish posts on twitter
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  • 3
    funny scottish posts on twitter On ma driving lesson n ma instructor goes it's really easy to get inty gear" n am sittin there lit Gerry mate fkn tell me abt it x
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  • 4
    funny scottish posts on twitter My mum took my wee sisters phone off her because she's grounded n the wee guy that's grafting her just mailed my mum this Awww ok because it's this thing dk if you know what it is haha it's a snapchat streak and it takes ages to get and all she needs to do is send a picture but we are going to lose it haha
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  • 5
    funny scottish posts on twitter Fucking hate bus drivers that don't wait for ye to sit down and just floor the cunt and ya end up close lining an old granny
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  • 6
    funny scottish posts on twitter when u stand on a plug Aya Bastah (Aya bastah) Add Friend Follow Message More
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  • 7
    funny scottish posts on twitter Currently in a place called Yass but on maps it just seems like everyone's super excited McDonald's Yass We care what you think 122 reviews 2 hr 19 min 3.2 ONLINE e ck FALA OUT SURVEY Fast food restaurant KFC Yass CALL WEBSITE SAVE 37 reviews 2.8 2 hr 20 min Yass Engineering Domino's Pizza Yass 52 min 45 min 2 reviews No reviews Roofing Supply Shop Pizza restaurant SAVE SAVE CALL WEBSITE CALL WEBSITE
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  • 8
    funny scottish posts on twitter Some dick on the back roads launched a tangerine out his car and pure splattered on my windscreen. Fit you think this is, mario kart?? 03/01/2017, 1:55 pm
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  • 9
    funny scottish posts on twitter Today my barber asked if i was working today ni replied "aye mate you?" N the embarassment has eaten me alive n ruined a perfectly good day
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  • 10
    funny scottish posts on twitter Dream job is a dart player tbh -good pay pints -be as fat as u want -good tunes 01/01/2017, 7:13 pm
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  • 11
    funny scottish posts on twitter picture of post it note saying can you hang this out Are you thick!!!!!! | meant to hang the shirt out gimp boy!!!!! Unbelievable!!! slide to reply
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  • 12
    funny scottish posts on twitter My aunty is 50 and this is her whatsapp status Hahahahah Auntie Maria Half a hunner, still a stunner John own Terry Brown Hey there! I am using WhatsApp. C Charles Feeney no status Jade Cochrine *** no status ABCD EFGH I KLMNON P OR
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  • 13
    funny scottish posts on twitter Serious tweet: I THinK SKATEBOARDING AND BREAKDANCING should be an Olympic sport! In reply to Chris Brown Frankie Boyle @frankieboyle @chrisbrown Or intergender boxing, you'd be in with a chance of a medal there mate
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  • 14
    funny scottish posts on twitter Mental what a couple a fairy lights can do, ye could put them on a deed body n id be like omg that's fucking lovely get that on ma Instagram
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  • 15
    funny scottish posts on twitter picture of post it note saying can you hang this out Are you thick!!!!!! | meant to hang the shirt out gimp boy!!!!! Unbelievable!!! slide to reply
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  • 16
    funny scottish posts on twitter mind in school u used tae do P.E then just pop yer tie back on and bounce straight intae higher geography drenched in sweat. wtf was that
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  • 17
    funny scottish posts on twitter picture of text on phone saying are you awright mate had a dream u died
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  • 18
    funny scottish posts on twitter When you and your pal are about to dae something stupid AFTER YOU, MONGO.
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  • 19
    funny scottish posts on twitter No hink it's mental how some dugs can sniff oot drugs, some can help blind people and other wans are still shiting oan the carpet
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  • 20
    funny scottish posts on twitter Please stalk me S The Sun 8 hrs "It's constant, constant, constant. Even our dog has anxiety." Mum's 'living hell' as stalker sends takeaway to her house 50 times a day The Sun
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  • 21
    funny scottish posts on twitter Some snide cunts on 8 ball pool when you miss a sitter and they go "you're good." Aye fuck off Rasheed your profile pics a goat
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  • 22
    funny scottish posts on twitter when she says she's legal n you find out she lied YA15 OMG
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  • 23
    funny scottish posts on twitter How shites the patter you get off neighbours when your cuttin the grass you gonnae cut mine as well son haha' naw Linda am no, fuck off
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  • 24
    funny scottish posts on twitter Primary school first aid though, cut yourself, put a wet paper towel on it, got a sore head, wet paper towel, dajust died, wet paper towel
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  • 25
    funny scottish posts on twitter Imagine how ragen bear grylls would be gon camping wae you. He's built 2 hammocks n skinned a deer n you've downed 2 cansn chased a badger ifunny.co
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  • 26
    funny scottish posts on twitter Wit can u do Went for a nap Had a dream abt u n hunners a lassies n cba way u so am goin back to sleep Message > Q W E RT YU O P A SD F G H J K L ZXC V BNM 123 return space X )
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  • 27
    funny scottish posts on twitter Canny just be Ma family that spell oot the word "WAL K" when they say it incase the dug hears the actual word and gets aw excited
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  • 28
    funny scottish posts on twitter picture ellen crying When ur mates steaming & starts telling u how good a mate you are
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  • 29
    funny scottish posts on twitter when yer maw tells ye its fajitas for dinner Justin Bieber @justinbieber so blessed. so moved. so grateful. cant believe this is my life. never going to take it for granted. always going to give back. thank you
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  • 30
    funny scottish posts on twitter if yer man enjoys a wee finger up the bum duringa sookie. U dont cast that stuff up, in front of his mum, just cos ur losing at monopoly
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  • 31
    man half face covered with black jumper funny scottish posts on twitter You pay for the taxi l'll get you a drink inside' u just got pranked by the prank patrol
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  • 32
    funny scottish posts on twitter Absolute worst when you text someone in the same room and they go 'what did you just text me for' fuckin dafties man
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  • 33
    funny scottish posts on twitter Cba when parents are like "when I was your age" yh well we're not in the stone age anymore get off ur mammoth and smell the 21st century
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  • 34
    funny scottish posts on twitter When cunts text u like 'text me when ur out ur mood' Lol may aswell delete ma number cause am never coming out of this 1
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  • 35
    funny scottish posts on twitter Canny wait to go on holiday so a can post snapchat saying l'm never coming home then funnily enough return home 10 days later wit a laugh
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  • 36
    funny scottish posts on twitter Nuhin worse than a photo u hate ae yersel gettin plastered everywhere cos the rest ae ur pals look gid n u look like a raging potato
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  • 37
    funny scottish posts on twitter AwI cant wait for winter and big wooly jumpers" dae ye live in a hoose wae nae fuckin windows hen? Its been wiinter in Scotland since 1993
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  • 38
    funny scottish posts on twitter im at the age where people r askin "so what u doin with ur life" n im like mate am genuinely jus here for a laff x
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  • 39
    funny scottish posts on twitter Why dae cunts need countdowns for holidays? As if yer gonna be in work lit aw fuck Susan a totally forgot am suppose tae be in Zante the day
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  • 40
    funny scottish posts on twitter some lad witha stutter tried to tell me he was going round to his Nans & by the end of it we were all singing Hey Jude on the fucking table
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  • 41
    funny scottish posts on twitter Dinny trust anyone who bites ice cream pure terminator teeth
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  • 42
    funny scottish posts on twitter haha ma maw thought it was her pal at the door there and it was the Chinese so she shouted come in n this wee chinese guy walked in
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  • 43
    funny scottish posts on twitter lassie ID'd me at tesco and said "is this you or your twin brother" if he was ma twin he'd be the same age as me ya badger
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  • 44
    funny scottish posts on twitter Fuck sake who would throw away a 4 pack a hedgehogs nd leave wan in it
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  • 45
    funny scottish posts on twitter private school kids on the train do my nut in, get that hockey bag out ma face sebastian
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  • 46
    funny scottish posts on twitter when yer buzzin to tell yer pal suhin and they're like "aye I know" fuck off naw ye dinny
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  • 47
    funny scottish posts on twitter Bastards o O2-UK Premier Inn @premierinn Do you provide condoms in your hotel rooms? 15:47 Afraid not Billy! We do have tea and coffee though Kristy Premier In 15:58 Yeah hold on I'll just fucking wrap my cock in a mug of hot roasting coffee, great idea 15:59
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  • 48
    funny scottish posts on twitter Just seen someone run out @Tesco wi a turkey n the security guard goes 'oi what you doin wi that' n the guy goes roast tatties, veg n gravy
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  • 49
    funny scottish posts on twitter Canny believe Gregors away in a huff cause we were slagging him for dressing like a train seat hahahahah
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  • 50
    funny scottish posts on twitter When somecunt says "be there or be square" and ye dinni go
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