15 Hilarious Parenting Quotes From Comedians Who've Been There

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Motide
Aug 18, 2017 9:00 AM EDT

Cause nothing is funnier than parenting. 

Via: Reader's Digest

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  • Text - There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins JOSH BILLINGS RD.COM/QUOTES
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  • Text - Every father's daughter is a virgin. TAGLINE, GOODBYE COLUMBUS RD.COM/QUOTES
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  • Text - Children will quote you correctly only if it is something you wish you hadn't said. JESSE ANDREWS RD.COM/QUOTES
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  • Text - ASK YOUR CHILD WHAT HE WANTS FOR DINNER ONLY IF HE'S BUYING. FRAN LEBOWITZ RD.COM/QUOTES
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  • Text - Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids HOMER SIMPSON RD.COM/QUOTES
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  • Text - Having a two-year- old is like having a blender with no lid. JERRY SEINFELD RD.COM/QUOTES
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  • Text - r'll never have a baby because I'm afraid I'll leave it on top of the car. LIZ WINSTEAD RD.COM/QUOTES
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  • Text - Watching a baby being born is like watchinga wet Saint Bernard squeezing through the cat door. JEFF FOXWORTHY RD.COM/QUOTES
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  • Text - The man with six kids will always be happier than the man with six million dollars, because the man with six million dollars always wants more. WILLIAM FEATHER RD.COM/QUOTES
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  • Text - Never change diapers in midstream DON MARQUIS RD.COM/QUOTES
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  • Text - WHEN YOUR CHILDREN ARE TEENAGERS, IT'S IMPORTANT TO HAVE A DOG SO THAT SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE IS HAPPY TO SEE YOU. NORA EPHRON RD.COM/QUOTES
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  • Text - WHEN I HAVE A KID, I WANNA PUT HIM IN ONE OF THOSE STROLLERS FOR TWINS, THEN RUN AROUND THE MALL LOOKING FRANTIC STEVEN WRIGHT RD.COM/QUOTES
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  • Text - THAVE MIXED EMOTIONS WHEN I RECEIVE MY FATHER'S DAY GIFTS. PM GLAD MY CHILDREN REMEMBER ME; PM DISAPPOINTED THAT THEY ACTUALLY THINKI DRESS LIKE THAT. MIKE DUGAN RD.COM/QUOTES
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  • Text - Alligators have the right idea. They eat their young. EVE ARDEN, IN MILDRED PIERCE RD.COM/QUOTES
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  • Text - GIVING BIRTH UNDERWATER MAY BE LESS TRAUMATIC FOR THE BABY, BUT IT'S MORE TRAUMATIC FOR THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE POOL. ELAYNE BOOZLER RD.COM/QUOTES
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