Happy Wife, Happy Life
Johanna Deustch a culture journalist from Medium, says that ball and chain jokes are “subtle and not-so-subtle messages” that convey the societal roles expected of women in relationships, “Spoiler alert: She’s always the villain.” We don’t bat an eye when a man laments over his “overbearing” wife because for decades we’ve been hearing “I hate my wife” jokes with unrelenting frequency.
Somehow, women are always portrayed as the nefarious beneficiary of a marriage, but men are painted as the innocent victim, signing away their liberty and bachelorhood the moment they sign the marriage licence. According to Natasha Monday from Stuff Magazine, “Love and marriage are culturally approached as a sort of 'death' for men, a dreadful compromise flung upon him by an overeager woman. If he himself is eager, then he is joked to have fallen into a deadly trap against his better judgment.”
Historically speaking, Nicola Brayan from the University of Sydney, Australia, says, “the trope crystallised in the West in the 1960s, a time when white-collar jobs rose in popularity, instilling a culture of men working nine-to-five and returning to a home-cooked meal, lovingly prepared by their stay-at-home wife.” At the same time, televisions were popping up in every Sears catalog, getting scooped up by everyone who could afford one, which led to a rise in TV shows—primarily sitcoms—depicting comedic versions of everyday life. Many shows found success surrounding some sort of version of the “Nuclear family,” with a working husband, stay-at-home mom, two rascally children, and the family dog.
“[Writers and] comics were tasked with entertaining larger audiences than ever before,” Brayan continues, “And what better way to do so than by appealing to the assumed universal of a wife who can’t stop complaining?” Alas, the wife-hater jokes were born by appealing to masses of viewers and taking root in our culture. The laugh-track-fueled success of many early sitcoms perpetuated the characterization of the hypercritical woman, who now had no choice but to accept their role as the “nagging wife” in the comedic sphere.
Brayan argues that this seems to persist in modern times through comedians like Jerry Seinfeld and Dave Chappelle who “still employ punchlines about their (real) wives being nitpicky, stubborn, or frustrating.” So thanks to tired, unfunny comedians, the unhappy marriage jests persist, gaslighting even more susceptible couples into thinking their unhealthy relationship is just how it’s supposed to be. It’s not funny, it’s just sad.
Escaping to the Man-Cave
I’ve been married for almost eight years to my best friend. While I realize my infinite luck in marrying an exemplary human, I can’t imagine him joking with his buddies about me being the nagging wife holding him hostage, forcing him to put the toilet seat down, and invading his “man-cave.” Stuff Magazine’s Monday says, “The taboo of men admitting to finding a woman's company genuinely fulfilling and enjoyable–maybe even more so than that of his mates'–finds its roots in deep-seated misogyny, and a culture of disrespect and belittlement of women.” Despite the commonness and the oversaturation of the shrewd wife stereotype, the joke remains unfunny. It’s been overdone, it perpetuates archaic gender roles, and alienates audiences from their spouse.
Happy marriages aren’t impossible, yet the media makes it seem as if married people are always at odds against each other. Enduring a relationship where you are constantly fighting with your counterpart would be exhausting. Even though this isn’t a perpetual reality for most marriages, it seems like every married character in a sitcom—even the modern ones—always laments over their marriage. So in a society that normalizes marital strife, at what point do we recognize a “ball and chain” joke as a cry for help?
Julia Claven a happily single female author from Medium, explains her aversion to marriage in her article about Boomer humor saying, “The amount of times I've heard a baby boomer male joke about listening to ‘only 10% of what my wife says,’ like it is the funniest joke in the history of mankind! I hear this joke so often… I remember wondering why [these couples] stayed together, seeming so miserable with nothing positive to say about the relationship.” Poisoned by a lifetime of anti-marriage publicity, she—like many young people—has no interest in marriage anymore. Through jokes like this and other anti-woman behavior some women have been prompted to completely deny men from entering their lives at all, as we’ve seen through the 4B Movement in Korea. And who can blame them?
It’s time to retire the dusty, old “ball and chain” trope because it’s not only damaging the image of marriage, but damning entire generations to expect failure in their relationships. Unshackled from the humorless jokes of our ancestors, perhaps love has a chance to flourish in its own way, without the predisposition of intercouple rivalry.
Because when your spouse is also your friend and companion, your house’s designated “man-cave” is a refuge from the world, not each other.
Via Andres Ayrton