Man's decision to name his son after his late mother causes family tension: 'I was told my actions were deliberately cruel and intended to humiliate my stepmother'

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    "I was told my actions were deliberately cruel and intended to humiliate my stepmother." Eager Heath System
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    AITA for giving my son a name that honors my late mom? My wife and I welcomed a son into the world 11 days ago and we chose a name for him early in the pregnancy. We actually had a name for a boy and a girl. Both of them a nod to my late mom who died when I was 7. My son's name has caused some tension with my blended family. Mostly with my stepmother
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    and my step and half siblings, who all feel like I chose the name to spite my stepmother who married my dad when I was 11 and was the primary caregiver in the home. The fact she offered to adopt me six times and I said no added to their viewing this as an insult. Her offers to adopt me came early in the marriage and then when I turned 18 and was away for college. She told me I might like to have someone always readily
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    available who could drop everything and come to me if I needed medical attention. She always took it hard when I said no. I also never felt close to her despite her many efforts to fill the role of a mother for me. Nobody other than my mom ever could fill that role though and that was something we never saw eye to eye on. But her kids, including the ones with my dad, would see this and would grow angry that I turned her down.
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    So now that I have a son who has a male form of my mom's name, they feel like I did this with the intention of saying "I hate you" to my stepmother. They feel like any other honor would have been fine or another variant for a daughter but the fact I gave it to my son bothers them so much.
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    I was told my actions were deliberately cruel and intended to humiliate my stepmother. They said even a middle name to honor mom wouldn't be as hurtful but the choice tells the world I don't consider her good enough to be my mom.
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    The truth is I never saw her as my mom and I don't consider her my parent either. I always respected her efforts to be there for me (to a point at least) and I know my dad basically dumped me on her when they got married and she was the only "parent" around the house for the most part. But I still never wanted the relationship she tried to have
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    with me. I never intended the name to be a snub either. We just wanted to honor mom and loved the name. I don't even see my stepmother or step and half siblings much except for twice a year at best and once a year more typically. This was the exception because my son was born. AITA?
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a☐le: I gave my son a name that honors my late mom. This caused offense because my stepmother felt snubbed and her kids felt like she was snubbed. It was not my intention at all but I can see how they might feel that way given the history and the fact I have been open about the inspiration behind my son's name. I also didn't inform her before announcing it publicly which might add an extra layer to this.
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    CuriousTsukihime NTA - bro, you have the best opportunity to drop the hardest Don Draper line ever: "My wife and I chose this name together, it was a team decision. We didn't choose this name to spite you. We don't even think about you." Finish up with your father that if your stepmom keeps picking this fight it WILL affect any future quality time he may want to
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    spend with his grandchild, and to think hard about how long he intends to tolerate this disrespect to your mom, to you, to your wife, and to your child. Stepmom can keep playing stupid games, but let your dad know you're more than willing to hand out stupid prizes to everybody in that house. Let him handle it and go about your business. Congrats on your tiny human!!!
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    TitaniaT-Rex 7 hr. ago NTA. She's delusional. My brother gave his son our dad's middle name. I plan to change my middle name to my dad's when I finally get the time and energy. My brother was 5 when our dad died and I wasn't born. The name changes have nothing to do with anyone aside from each of us independently wanting a connection with our dad since we can't have a relationship with him.
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    extinct_diplodocus • 8 hr. ago NTA. They're mistakenly ascribing malevolence and intentional insult to your simple indifference. That's a "them" problem, not a "you" problem. You have no duty to your stepmother beyond being civil.
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    mlc885 8 hr. ago • I don't consider her good enough to be your mom if she is still having a fight with a deceased woman. Your biological mother was your mother, if an adult and her family can't figure out why an eleven year old might have felt that way then I truly don't know how to help them. NTA You probably would want to forgive them for being clueless, but having a fight over your kid's name is absurd.
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    Boysenberry ⚫7 hr. ago NTA, it sounds like your stepmother has some jealousy issues towards your deceased mother. That may have affected your ability to bond with her as a child. If she had honored your relationship with your deceased mother and integrated your memories of your mom into your blended family, maybe you would have become closer. Spouses who join a family where a parent has died need to be prepared for the deceased parent to be a daily presence in their lives. People who die don't b
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    Effective-Signal-809 OP 7 hr. ago • I think there's some resentment and jealousy there. From what she has expressed she resents the fact my love for my mom was so strong that I never gave her a chance to be my second mom or another mother in my life. Add the fact that dad left her to do most of the childcare and it was a recipe for disaster because I never wanted a second mom and was never open to the idea of considering her that.
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    Purple_Kiwi5476 · 7 hr. ago "My wife and I chose this name out of love, not spite." Smile. Repeat as necessary.

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