Pushy grandfather insists on second grandchild being named after him, gets offended when son refuses: ' He made a comment about having to die before he’d get a child named after him'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jul 2, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Baby names can be a loaded topic in more ways than one. This is, after all, the moniker that your kid will likely be carrying around for the rest of their life. It goes deeper than just the baby, though; it's easy to ruffle feathers in the wider family with your choice of name. If people don't approve or expect something different, it can become the cause of arguments.

This is exactly what one couple was dealing with after they started trying for a second child. After they had used the late maternal grandfather's middle name for their first son, the paternal grandpa started to expect that they would save a slot for him if they had another boy. Mom and dad were not so sure about this, and this caused some upset. Ultimately, nobody has a right to expect that a kid gets named after them even if they are related.

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    AITA for not naming my children after my in-laws?
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    My husband and I (33M and 31F respectively) have a 3 y.o. son and are trying for a second child soon. My father passed away the day I found out I was pregnant with my son, so my husband and I agreed to give my dad's middle name "Hayden" to our son. This caused a bit of a fuss with my FIL, who said he was hoping I would honor him in naming our child, but I repeatedly told him the names my DH and I picked for our children would not mesh well with any of his names. I didn't mention that we didn't w
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    alien_overlord_1001 NTA why does he assume he would be honored over your family? How presumptuous of him. They named their own kids, they don't get to name yours. Stand your ground.
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    StruggleBusDriver12 At the time my DH and I fell pregnant, my BIL was not sure if he even wanted kids. FIL took it as his "only chance" to have his name go on. I made comment that my children would carry his last name, but that seemed to make him even madder. Now that his other son is thinking of having children with his new partner, the argument has come back up and since I am trying to conceive again he thinks it would be a good time to have one of us "do him the honor" of naming a child after
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    gracelesswonder Tell FIL to go deep into the woods, carve his name into a tree, and get lost on the way back. You don't demand honor. It's earned. What a
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    Stock-Boat-8449 Right? Who demands to have a child named after them? Be a good person and parent and hope that you're loved enough for someone to name their child after you.
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    harleybidness NTA. Naming a child is the parent's and only the parent's prerogative. Who wants to name a child after a whiner anyway?
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    StruggleBusDriver 12 Exactly how I see it. One of the reasons my husband and I decided to name our son after my father was because I found out about the pregnancy THE DAY my father passed away. And it was my husband's idea. FIL believed that since we had chosen to give our children two middle names like me, I would be gracious enough to include his name as well.
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    jrm1102 NTA - why isnt your husband dealing with him tho?
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    StruggleBusDriver12 My husband has tried dealing with him, but it seems FIL has enlisted the help of MIL to try to persuade me to see his side.
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    jrm1102 You should punt this all right back to your husband
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    StruggleBusDriver12 I'll definitely pass all responsibility for shutting down his dad to my husband
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    Shiel009 You know if you did entertain your fil idea of naming your hypothetical son after him- he will totally treat your eldest worse than the baby
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    jessiemagill This is 100% what you need to do. If FIL or MIL brings it up, say "you'll need to discuss that with your son" and refuse to say anything else. Tell your husband this is his family and he needs to deal with it.
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    shbrinnnn Just tell both of them that the name you and your husband choose is not up for discussion. Do not discuss it anymore. If they start talking about it, change the subject or if you are texting or on the phone, don't reply to a text or hang up on the phone. Do not acknowledge them talking about it.
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    YellowBrownStoner Hubs needs to deal with his mother too.
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    CoverCharacter8179 NTA, but I don't understand why this is even a topic of discussion with the in-laws. And it's too late now, but I especially don't get why you would tell the in-laws your plan for the second baby, knowing full well what happened the first time around. Anyway, from now on, don't give any reasons or explanations. Just say, "this topic has been covered and is no longer up for discussion." If they press on, then hang up, leave the room etc.
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    StruggleBusDriver 12 The topic never really came up from us, exactly? We had a small gathering of family to our house and someone made a comment about how if we were to want more children now would be the best time since our son is almost potty trained and about to start preschool. My husband and his brother are 5 years apart and we always mentioned how we wanted a smaller gap between our children. As soon as that was said it brought back the topic of "family names".
    via StruggleBusDriver12

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