‘You don’t support me’: Conservative Woman Excludes Her Brother’s Husband From Her Wedding, He Refuses to Help With the Planning, Leading to Family Dispute

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jul 11, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome back internet lovers. It seems like everyone these days is canceling family members, not including them, and uninviting them to their weddings. The wedding day seems to stand as a ubiquitous symbol of power, control, and relationships. When someone chooses not to come to one's wedding, it causes an unbelievably large stir. And it's the same the other way around, when someone isn't invited to a wedding they originally thought they'd be invited to, it's a strong message about how they see the person. 

We may smile on the outside to one another, have our chit chat, and pretend to be friendly, but then it all hits in one big wave of shock when you're not invited to a wedding, or your friend decides not to go to yours. 

In this particular Reddit story, it's about one of those troublesome situations. Family members can act decently to each other face to face, but when push comes to shove, their real feelings are revealed, and in ugly ways. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH ⚫ 18 hr. ago • Gasoloholic AITA for backing out of planning my conservative sister's wedding last minute because she didn't invite my partner?
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 02
    My (28M) sister (32F) is getting married in a couple of months. My partner (30M) and I have been together for 4 years, and we're very serious. He's been nothing but kind to my family, even though they're conservative, and sometimes vocal about their thoughts on our relationship.
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 03
    A few weeks ago, my sister sent out her wedding invitations. I was shocked to see that my partner wasn't invited. When I asked her why, she said she didn't think it was necessary to invite him because "we're not married yet" and she wanted to keep the guest list small. However, I've
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 04
    noticed that she invited several plus-ones of our other relatives and friends who aren't married either.
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 05
    For some context, my family is Catholic and very religious. When I came out as gay in my early teens, it split the family. It has taken a long time for everyone to move past their differences, but in the last 5 or so years things have started to feel somewhat normal again. Despite this, my
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 06
    sister still makes subtle remarks about disagreeing with my sexuality sometimes, which makes me think there might be another reason behind her decision.
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 07
    To further complicate things, I'm a wedding planner and have been helping my sister with planning free of charge. We were really close as kids, and that kind of fell apart when I came out, so I was excited about the opportunity to do something for her and to be involved in her
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 08
    special day. I tried to talk to her and explain how hurtful not inviting my partner was and how it felt like she was intentionally excluding him. She brushed me off and said it was her wedding and she could invite whoever she wanted.
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 09
    I told her that if she couldn't respect my relationship, I wouldn't be able to support her on her big day. This includes helping her with wedding preparations, which I've been heavily involved in up to this point. Additionally, several of the vendors she's working with are
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 10
    close friends of mine, and they have expressed their discomfort with the situation. She may lose some of them as a result, and will likely have to hire another wedding planner, which will significantly increase her costs.
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 11
    Now my family is furious with me. My parents are saying that I'm overreacting and that I should. just suck it up for the sake of family harmony. They think I'm being petty and selfish for backing out of helping my sister just because my partner wasn't invited. My sister, of course, is
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 12
    playing the victim and saying that I'm ruining her wedding.
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 13
    I feel strongly about standing up for my partner and our relationship, but the backlash from my family is making me second-guess myself. AITA for refusing to help my sister with her wedding because she didn't invite my partner?
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 14
    Edit for clarity: My sister is marrying a man she met through, and is heavily involved with, the church that they attend. It is the same church that I attended as a child and teen, but eventually left due to their bigotry. He has always been tolerant of my partner and I, but any
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 15
    conversation I've tried to have with him has been one-sided and unengaging. It's always been a bit awkward, but he's never been outright rude to us. Apparently his family is even more conservative than my own, and I'm almost certain that is why my partner isn't invited. My sister
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 16
    denies my sexuality having any forbearance on her decision, but I'm almost positive that she's excluding him in order to keep the peace on her wedding day.
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 17
    I also wanted to say that I didn't immediately tell all of the vendors about the situation. They all work together frequently, and found out on their own when I had to explain to the catering company why I was no longer helping with the wedding. I have no say in whether or not any of them
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 18
    continue with the wedding, but I expect them to drop out, especially if another planner is not hired, as my sister is terrible with planning and communication.
    via u/Gasoloholic
  • 19
    JuliaX1984 17h ago NTA Tell your family to tell your sister she's overreacting and she should just suck it up for the sake of family harmony, that she's being petty and selfish for not inviting your partner just because he's a man.
    via u/JuliaX1984
  • 20
    • B... 17h ago Edited 17h ago NTA Tell your sister you hope she has a nice wedding. Then you and your partner go do something fun just the two of you that day.
    via u/B
  • 21
    Immediate_Mud_... • 17h ago NTA. Saw this somewhere here and it makes perfect sense: "You shouldn't be expected to celebrate the relationship of people who won't even recognise yours."
    via u/Immediate_Mud_.
  • 22
    SeatSix 17h ago NTA. If she is not going to treat you as a full family member, then she does not get family member perks. Write up an estimate for what you would charge for any other last minute, rush
    via u/SeatSix
  • 23
    planning gig and submit it to her. Or, given Creative v. Elenis you could say that you are not comfortable supporting her lifestyle choices.
    via u/SeatSix
  • 24
    Also, homophobia is clearly the reason for her decision. It may be painful to consider that, but she is not even being subtle. She (and probably rest of the family) do not accept you and your relationship. They have just learned how to keep quiet.
    via u/SeatSix

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