Bride-to-be's Entitled Friend Can't Make it to Her Spontaneous Wedding Because of Work, Woman Is Understanding but Friend is Furious

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 23, 2024 9:00 PM EDT

Weddings should be about the bride… right?

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  • Weddings are an extraordinary day for many people who love and care about the newlywed couple. However, the day is primarily for the bride and groom to celebrate the love between one another, regardless of who attends. Wedding planning can be exceptionally difficult if you want to ensure floral arrangements, music, dinner menus, and seating charts are up to par. But what about the brides and grooms who want to keep their wedding casual?

    The bride-to-be in this story opted for a spontaneous wedding in her backyard, expressing that she wanted to keep the celebration casual. She even sent out text invites in place of snail mail, to ensure a quick response from her invitees. These invitations are six weeks out from the wedding date, FYI. One of the bride's friends responded angrily that the date of the wedding would absolutely not work for her, as she is scheduled to work on a date that she cannot take off. The bride is understanding, but the friend won't let up. It seems as though the friend assumes the wedding should be on her time… read ahead to get the scoop from the bride and the internet therapists.

  • 01
    AITA for having my wedding on a day my friend can't take off from work?
    via Sensitive-Yam-8880
  • 02
    My fiancé and I are throwing together a small wedding in our backyard that is set for six weeks from now. We've been engaged for over a year now and have a daughter so we figured it's time! We're not into the whole "production" that some bigger weddings can become so we're trying to keep things extremely casual.
    via Sensitive-Yam-8880
  • 03
    As a result we've been texting and calling people to invite them in lieu of the more traditional paper invites. I texted a friend of mine with the date and time telling her that we would love to have her attend our little gathering if she could make it and her reply really sent me for a loop. She responded very upset that the wedding was so close
    via Sensitive-Yam-8880
  • 04
    and that she didn't have time to prepare for it. On top of that, I scheduled the wedding on a day that she works at the county fair. She then went on to say that my decision was rushed and I should be giving my guests as much time as possible to get ready for the wedding.
    via Sensitive-Yam-8880
  • 05
    I didn't want to make her feel bad about not being able to make it so I told her I understood it was a busy time for her and not to worry. She then replied saying I was being dismissive and questioning if we were truly friends because I didn't think to check the fair dates before
    via Sensitive-Yam-8880
  • 06
    setting the date for my wedding. She went on about how she wanted to be involved in the planning and that it felt like a "slap in the face" that she wasn't being involved. I responded by apologizing that I hadn't checked the dates because I thought that I knew them and then questioned
    via Sensitive-Yam-8880
  • 07
    why she couldn't take the day off if it was so important to her that she be there. Apparently she'd be fired if she did because she's the only cook available for the whole week of the fair. Six weeks isn't enough time to find someone to cover one shift. Okay, fair enough.
    via Sensitive-Yam-8880
  • 08
    She responds to my apology by saying that it's not a little mistake and that I should've asked her when she'd be available. She also asked why she hadn't been notified sooner. I've tried to tell her that it's just a small, casual affair and that my fiancé and I are the only ones involved in the
    via Sensitive-Yam-8880
  • 09
    planning. I've tried apologizing but she just doesn't want to hear it and at this point I'm her that she seems lat bent on making my wedding about her and her needs. I have disengaged from the conversation but it's still haunting me so I need to know AITA?
    via Sensitive-Yam-8880
  • 10
    Obiterdicta 18h ago Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [359] NTA Trying to coordinate a day which works for an entire group of people is tough. It's not surprising that you have a guest with a conflict. Your "friend" is making your wedding all about her. That's pretty selfish.
    via 0biterdicta
  • 11
    W.. 18h ago Edited 18h ago tain [160] I was leaning towards no since scheduling conflicts can and do happen, but her reaction made me go with NTA. I can understand why she would be upset that she couldn't make it, but
    via WolfGoddess77
  • 12
    blaming you and questioning. your friendship because of it is going overboard. You didn't schedule your wedding specifically to spite her, and I don't think it's fair of her to expect you to set the date around her work schedule, rather than what you and your partner want.
    via WolfGoddess77
  • 13
    • Equiva... 17h ago Edited 12h ago . STOP APOLOGIZING!!! This is your wedding and if she cannot come, you're better off without her as she apparently thinks she's the star of the show and YOUR day is all about her. 100 100 100 disengage from her completely!!! Edited for missing word
    via EquivalentSign2377
  • 14
    Mooshu1981 16h ago Part ipant [1] NTA. 2 years ago my best friend didn't tell me about her wedding til after it happened. They did a courthouse ceremony. I was ok with the spur of the moment until she posted photos and 2 other friends had been invited. I was not happy about not being told. We no longer speak. I realized I wasn't important in her life. You gave plenty of notice. Your friend is making it about her.
    via Mooshu1981
  • 15
    • gordonf23 18h ago Certified Proctologist [21] NTA. It's your wedding. You intentionally planned a small, casual affair that wouldn't involve much planning. It happens. sometimes that not everyone can attend. It's understandable if your friend feels disappointed, or even a little bit miffed/insulted that you didn't
    via gordonf23
  • 16
    check the date with her first, but it's bizarre that she feels the need to tell you all of this. I suspect there's more going on in her life, or perhaps she has past trauma around weddings. Follow up with her again later, when she's had a chance to cool down, if this is a friendship you want to keep.
    via gordonf23
  • 17
    Gnarly_314 • 16h ago NTA. Does your friend not understand it is a casual wedding that does not require her input. Her preparation would only be to dress and turn up. The only effort required is to arrange a day off. Six weeks is plenty of time to arrange cover for the day.
    via Gnarly_314
  • 18
    Creepy_Radio_3084 . 16h ago Whose wedding is it, yours or hers? Oh, that's right, it's yours. So it's arranged to suit you and your fiancé, not her. Do you always have to run your life decisions past your friend, just to make sure she's happy with it? NTA
    via Creepy_Radio_3084
  • 19
    KateNotEdwina 15h ago You've apologised (I wouldn't have) move on. Why should your wedding be all about her? You and your fiancé have a lovely wedding. Leave all this negative behind. PS She doesn't sound like a very good friend.
    via KateNotEdwina
  • 20
    ExcitementAny 5089 17h ago I guess everyone getting married, instead of a save the date card should send out "does this date for our wedding work for you"
    via ExcitementAny5089
  • 21
    • mpurdey12 15h ago Enthusiast [6] NTA IMO, your friend is either really entitled, or thought that the two of you were closer than you actually are. Or maybe both. Both could work. I don't think that you should pick your wedding date based on the availability of your potential guests. Pick the date that works best for you. If people can come, then great. If they can't, that's also fine.
    via mpurdey12
  • 22
    random-rando- 13h ago The first apology from you was more than enough. It is you and your partners wedding day, NOT a production for her benefit. Sad she will not be able to come but not something she should be so selfish about.
    via random-rando-
  • 23
    . ThrowRA_bananabowl 13h ago NTA, personally if I was your friend I'd just be upset that I couldn't come but unfortunately you friend has reverted to anger. You've already apologised (not that you needed to), but leave the conversation knowing you were the bigger person.
    via ThrowRA_bananabowl
  • 24
    PerfectIncrease9018 · 16h ago NTA, this date works best for you. I'm sure there's others that might not be able to attend. Do you hear them complaining? You'd never be able to get everyone to agree on a date. Best wishes!
    via PerfectIncrease9018
  • 25
    . Prestigious-Bluejay5 15h ago Your friend has main character syndrome. You should have known that your wedding was all about her. How dare you not run every detail past her, waiting for approval before moving on. /s A friend would have said, "I'm upset because I have a conflict and won't be able to make it. If I can move my schedule around, I'll be there. Thanks for including me." She's no friend.
    via Prestigious-Bluejay5

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