'[She] burnt a bridge': Sister refuses to attend the funeral of her father figure, gets banned from all future family events

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Jul 20, 2024 6:00 AM EDT

Nobody likes funerals. 

Apart from that one goth friend whose clothes are finally event-appropriate, there are very few people who get excited about attending a funeral–it's sad, it's morbid, and it's a reminder of our own effervescence on earth. That's why, if you're ever invited to one, you literally HAVE TO go. Not for your own sake, but for the sake of everyone else around you who's grieving and fixating on mortality. 

But apparently, one girl who posted on Reddit recently thought that she was above this social necessity. Although their own family was a disaster, this pair of sisters was 'adopted' by a bestie's family and was there for them through thick and thin–at least, as long as there wasn't a funeral involved. After the sudden surprising passing of their friend's dad and their adoptive father figure, one of the sisters got cold feet and refused to go to the funeral, earning herself a temporary ban on all family events that would make her question everything. 

Keep scrolling to read how this girl burned a very important bridge when she refused to face her own fears.

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  • 01
    "Deal with the consequences"
    via canva
  • 02
    AITA for going to a "family" event that my sister was not invited to after she bailed on a funeral
    via PeaDramatic3407
  • 03
    My bio family really my sister and I became close to one of our friends (Beth) and her family basically adopted us. They were our rock when our lives sucked with our own parents.
    via PeaDramatic3407
  • 04
    They helped put us through college and I do consider them my parents. The problem started earlier this year. Beths dad passed away and it was a bad time for
    via PeaDramatic3407
  • 05
    everyone. Funerals are a huge deal in their family. If you don't go to the funeral it is considered a you to the dead and the family. My sister has a fear of the dead, she refused to go to
    via PeaDramatic3407
  • 06
    the funeral. I tried to get her to go but she still refused. The day came and went and they did not take it well. Beth's mom really didn't take it well, and basically banned
    via PeaDramatic3407
  • 07
    her for my her home. Her words that he gave so much to her and she basically spat in his face by not going. Basically everyone in the family is I at her. She
    via PeaDramatic3407
  • 08
    has not been invited to the home and got kicked out when she showed up once. They have a big family reunion in July each year. We both have been going for years but this year she did not get an invite.
    via PeaDramatic3407
  • 09
    She called me up and asked me to not go. I told her that I plan on going even though she is not invited. We got into an argument and she thinks I for going and I am huge pointed out that she knew they would not take it well that she didn't go to the funeral
    via PeaDramatic3407
  • 10
    AgnarCrackenhammer 1 day ago Certified Proctologist [20] ΝΤΑ No one likes going to funerals, but given how much Beth's dad did for you and your sister I agree with Beth's family. It was the bare minimum she could've done as a final sign of respect and she bailed. She can now deal with the consequences of her actions
    via AgnarCrackenhammer
  • 11
    AdIndependent4134 1 day ago Agreed. No one likes going to funerals. But you can still show up even for a short period to pay your respects. My cousin hates funerals since she lost her daughter.
    via AdIndependent4134
  • 12
    She still comes, hangs at the back of the room or mainly in the hallways. Every gets it but also appreciates that she made an effort. It's not your responsibility to fix your sister's mistake.
    via AdIndependent4134
  • 13
    sanguinepsychologist 1 day ago Partassipant [2] INFO: was there a way to compromise? Did your sister have an opportunity to come pay her respects after the funeral was over?
    via sanguinepsychologist
  • 14
    Because I have a crippling fear of death and funerals, but I would be the first waiting at the door of the house to comfort and pay my respects to the living afterwards.
    via sanguinepsychologist
  • 15
    PeaDramatic3407 OP 1 day ago She didn't show up at all, not even a text because people were calling her
    via PeaDramatic3407
  • 16
    sanguinepsychologist 1 day ago Partassipant [2] In that case, NTA. I'd feel differently if she'd tried to compromise by arriving right after the funeral and been kicked out then. But not even a call on the day? Yikes.
    via sanguinepsychologist
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    yulia_fridman 1 day ago NTA Her fear of funerals or what ever it is shouldnt be more important than the people who took her in and treated her like family The effort beth's father put in is way more than the effort she
    via yulia_fridman
  • 18
    wouldve made by going despite her fears And you shouldnt let that affect you Its her choice to not go She needs to deal with it by herself
    via yulia_fridman
  • 19
    buttercupgrump 1 day ago edited 21 hr. ago Enthusiast [6] NTA Your sister knew how important the funeral would be for Beth's family. She also knew the family wanted her there. She chose not to attend, thus damaging her relationship with them. It's unfair to expect you to damage your own relationship with the people you consider family.
    via buttercupgrump
  • 20
    Could your sister have stayed in the back and not approached the casket? I don't do well with dead bodies. I broke down when a relative tried to get me to go look at my grandma's body during her funeral. However, I'm fine if I keep some distance.
    via buttercupgrump
  • 21
    realSharkyFinn 1 day ago Partassipant [1] NTA. I don't know if you're willing to do it, but it might help if you tell your sister that while there, you'll explain to family members that she didn't mean any disrespect, but that she was an emotional wreck and she really struggles with funerals - and then follow through on that.
    via realSharkyFinn
  • 22
    PeaDramatic3407 OP 1 day ago Yeah I'm not going that. I actually think it was disrespectful and she should have just hid in the back for a bit. No one likes funeral, but she didn't make any effort even knowing everyone stance on it
    via PeaDramatic3407
  • 23
    SoImaRedditUserNow 1 day ago Pooperintendant [67] NTA - this seems very preventable. e.g. Your sister, prior to the funeral, going to the family and talking to them about this. Your up and apparently sister burnt a bridge. That . but she should have been an adult and at
    via SoImaRedditUserNow
  • 24
    the very LEAST came and talked to them. Had they stiffarmed her and didn't bother to listen, well... that would be a different story. Given the level of compassion they showed for taking the both of you in, I'd given decent enough odds they would have understood, and been able to talk through it.
    via SoImaRedditUserNow
  • 25
    As is stands, she did nothing, and they (correctly) see that she did nothing. She doesn't want to stand alone, but that is nothing to do with you. You're in a tough position, but it would have been insulting had you not.
    via SoImaRedditUserNow

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