Mother can't afford to stay in a hotel while visiting daughter, demanding to sleep in a tent in daughter's backyard, she refuses: 'Have some self-respect'

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    My Mother Thinks She Can Sleep In A Tent In My Yard, Despite Knowing The Home Isn't Mine.
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    I'm a 29yo woman and my mother and I have had our problems. Just like many other toxic mother/daughter relationships I left home as a teenager to escape the al sive environment our home
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    had become. I moved in with a friend in a different state, which also didn't end super well but that's a story for a different post, and continued to keep communication open. She's continued to cause
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    drama at every major event in my life but I consider myself a pro at moving on at this point. I have planned PTO coming up in a couple months because my job will be closed for renovations and she has
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    been planning a visit during this time. Over the past few months she's mentioned it a few times and we've worked through details together. Today, she emailed me to say that when she comes to visit
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    she will likely not have funding for anything more than gas. She plans to bring a tent for her and her husband to sleep in during the stay and has inquired about available space in my yard, despite being
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    fully aware that I do not own the home I live in and that I do not have the right to allow her to stay in our yard in a tent and use our facilities for any amount of time, much less several days. At first I
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    hoped it was some awful attempt at humor, putting me in an uncomfortable position in order to laugh at my discomfort, because it's something she's done several times in my life.
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    Unfortunately, she was serious and when I told her no, that I couldn't help her with this, she simply said "Alright. I'll figure it out myself." As though it isn't the most irresponsible choice to drive. halfway across the country as a
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    grown adult who knows they cannot afford to do such a thing. I have no idea what will happen, but im expecting a "What, don't you WANT to see us?" Response any time since I advised her not to
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    make the trip at all since she clearly can't afford it. As a grown adult who can't afford to travel myself I am astounded at the audacity.
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    Edit: Wow. I have never gotten this much of a response on any post in the past so I'm gonna answer a few questions I feel matter that I've seen in the comments.
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    1. Why not cut her out completely? A) I honestly don't have a good reason, just that I'd feel guilty. I'm the only family member out of state and I worry that cutting her out will result in the loss of family I would regret losing. I'm just afraid, I guess.
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    2. Why don't you offer to put her in a hotel? A) I'm like a lot of people in my age group these days; struggling. I'm not even the only earner in the house and we're still chasing the wrong end of the paycheck at the end of the day. I'd love to
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    have been able to go back and visit, myself, but it would be irresponsible to attempt a trip I can't afford and putting my own little family at risk is not worth the moment of happiness I might find checking in on others I miss.
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    3. Is it possible her living situation has changed and she doesn't plan on leaving my yard? A) I never even considered this, and it horrified me to see it worded out. I would love to think she could never pull something like that but honestly I feel like anything is possible.
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    Thank you all for your logical advice, I really appreciate knowing that my own little circle isn't wrong to think the things I've seen here. I'm still waiting to hear how she responds to my suggestion that she not come and I will do my best to post an end to this unfortunate story.
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    Edit 2: Wow. Okay. Apparently, this whole "I can't afford anything but gas" story was all a ruse to get to "spend more time together" while she visits. Allegedly, she is more than comfortable financially and has no fear that this trip will put her into
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    financial hardship as she is making "better money than ever before", plus she gets "really good deals on rooms" because she works for a popular hotel brand. I honestly don't know what to think at this point. I honestly don't know if it'll be worse if she's lying about her
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    financial stability to make me feel better and let my guard down about her visit or if it's 100% legitimate and she lied about financial hardship simply to play on my emotions. Either way, I can't stop her from making the trip. All I
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    can do is make sure I stick to my boundaries and not allow her to overstep them. Thank you all for your helpful advice and honest opinions, hard as it may be to hear some of them I can't deny it all needed to be said.
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    Floomby . 9 hr. ago Speaking as somebody who is terrible at confrontation, the best way to get ahead of that is to be crystal clear with her before the situation arises. You can see her on X, Y, and Z days.
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    She may not spend the night in your house or grounds. Landlord rule. Do not let her lawyer you. Do not JADE--Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. Do not let her carry any bags or suitcases into your house, at all. They can stay in her motel/AirBnB or in her car. No
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    excuses. "My room isnt ready yet." Nonetheless, you may not bring your bags in. They do not cross your threshold. If she is in your house, make her leave before 10:00 pm or 9:00 pm, well before she claims she is too sleepy. Honestly, I strongly suggest that
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    all activities take place outside of your house. Then you cam leave when you want. So make sure to send her texts outlining your rules. If she cannot abide, then sorry, you cannot come. If she enters your house and refuses to leave, call the cops. Yes, the cops.
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    Love is not trying to inflict yourself on your own child. If you don't want to be alone, make more friends. Take up social hobbies. Get a teddy bear. Adopt a puppy or kitty. Do not inflict stressful emptiness on yourself.
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    For reference, I, too, am a mother of an adult son. I live him to bits and would be happy to see him. every day, but he is not my emotional support animal. He has his own life. So, I have mine, too.

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