Your Feline Friend's Hilarious Horoscope Reading According to Their Zodicat Sign

Which is your feline friend?

Aquarius: Learns to turn the TV on. Will not conform to rules. Antisocial. Destroys the furniture. "You can pet me when I say so". Lets itself in and out.
Pisces: Comforts anyone sad or alone. Chases ghosts. Addicted to catnip. Comes when the music plays. Runs from the Roomba. Dozes in the sunlight. Stares into space.
Aries: Not afraid to scratch you. Starts fight with neighbor's cat. LOUD meows. Laser point chaser. Attacks the dog. Watches the birdcage. Headbutts you as a sign of affection.
Taurus: Lives for treats. Wet food only. Sleeps in a fancy bed. Won't even touch tap water. Takes best spot on the couch... and won't leave it. Wears jeweled collar. Stashes toys under the couch.
Gemini: Climbs up the screen door. Hides your socks. Licks you one second, bites you the next. Killed by curiosity. Never stops meowing. Loves to knock things off the counter. Unrolls the toilet paper.
Cancer: Sleeps under the covers. Emotional support cat. Moody. Snuggle buddy. Indoors only. Stranger danger! Prefers sleeping in boxes.
Leo: Blue Ribbon show cat. Walks the catwalk, while the neighbor cat watches. Invades personal space. Poses for the camera. "Love me, love me". Sleeps in between people. "Give me attention". Plays with the kids.
Virgo: Grain-free diet. Prone to seasonal allergies. Furry ball of stress. Healing paws. Self-cleaning machine. Devoted companion. Chews on the plants. Learns to use the toilet.
Libra: Hangs out in the closet. "Let me in... now let me out...". Always purring. Sleeps in the sink in front of the mirror. Follows you everywhere. Beauty queen. "Don't leave me alone".
Scorpio: Eye contact gives you chills. Loyal to one and one only. Helps you work your magic. Eats all of the smaller pets. Knows how to manipulate you. OG witch's familiar. Brings dead bats to your doorstep.
Sagittarius: Plays with their prey. The official "smarty cat". "Try to get me from the roof". Freak in the sheets, but only when you're trying to make the bed... Only comes home for food. Tracks dirt into the house. Climbs anything, especially the Christmas tree.
Capricorn: Too mature play. Hiss level 100. Makes you feel like the chosen one when they jump on your lap. Bossy cat. Supervises bathroom trip. Alpha cat. Watches birds out the window. Does NOT respond to baby talk.