'This is her own fault': Penny-pinching husband exiles his wife from the family vacation to try to teach her a lesson about money management

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Aug 2, 2024 2:00 PM EDT

Weaponized FOMO

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  • In theory, people learn the most from the challenges in life. Falling from the top of the sketchy slide on the playground and breaking your arm teaches you to listen to your mom about climbing too high. Rear-ending someone in the parking lot teaches you to listen to your mechanic when they warn you that your brake pads must be replaced before they expire. Although life's hardest lessons are learned through experience, strangely, money-management skills are a rare exception. Not everybody learns from the pressure of financial ultimatums…

    However, according to the money-making husband in our next story, his wife's spending habits seemed fixable through a series of 'tough love' moments. After their wedding, she went a little crazy about spending, enjoying their joint bank accounts, and ignoring every frugal tip she ever learned. The wife quickly became a liability to their joint savings account and the husband decided to try and help her get her spending back on track. Although his intentions were good, this guy's techniques to teach his wife about cash and spending went a little overboard and turned toxic. 

    First, he threatened divorce, which doesn't seem like a healthy start to her learning journey, but if her marriage was on the line, she was willing to learn the tough lessons. After they separated their finances, she started dutifully paying off credit card debt and keeping things on track to tuck away a little savings. But the husband's most challenging ‘tough love’ moment reared its ugly head when the family vacation came along. Keep scrolling to read how this penny-pinching husband weaponized FOMO to try and teach his wife a lesson about money management. 

  • 01
    " 'She is TRYING"
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  • 02
    AITA for not buying my wife a plane ticket so she is missing the family vacation
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  • 03
    My wife is horrible with money, at the beginning of our marriage we pulled out money together and she would use all of it. Her job is pays compared to mine.
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  • 04
    So when we combined the money she went crazy. I had many conversations with her over it and even tried to get her to take a money finical class.
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  • 05
    Overtime it got worse and worse. About a year ago I learned she was in bad credit card debt. I gave her he chose of divorce or we separate our money and she needs to fix her debt ASAP.
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  • 06
    To her credit she took it seriously and she is fixing her credit card debt. We have separate money and I pay for the bills while her only worry is to buy groceries.
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  • 07
    My family has a big vacation coming up and everyone is invited. The trip is to Europe and plane tickets are going to cost 1000+. My parents are going to pay for the resort so the only think needs to be paid is the plane ticket and fun money for the trip.
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  • 08
    I plan on going. She informed me that she will not be able to afford the ticket. I point out the trip is in about four month so she should be able to save up. She informed me that she
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  • 09
    needs to use it for her credit card debt in order to get I paid off. I told her ok and I'll inform the my family side that she can't make it. This started an argument that
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  • 10
    I am not willing to pay for her ticket and me going on vacation without her. I told her this is her own fault and if she was responsible with money we would be here So AITA
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  • 11
    IrrelevantManatee. Colo-rectal Surgeon [36] ESH. She needs to be wiser about money, sure, I'll give you that. But she is TRYING. She is fixing her debts and getting her together. Of course, you don't
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  • 12
    have to pay for her. If this was a money issue, I would totally understand your point. But you are just punishing her. You are just being cruel. She already learned her lesson: why do you keep putting her down?!
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  • 13
    Happenstance69. Yeah I will go as far as YTA here. She was the AH in a prior event. He is TA in this event. Why even stay together when it's clear you don't want her there.
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  • 14
    Flaky_Drag1826 Enthusiast [9] Exactly! She's trying to fix her mistake and he's not letting her live it down and is still actively punishing her and being a partner too boot. YTA
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  • 15
    txa1265. Aficionado [10] YTA - she is making an effort and you should have just divorced her if you planned on holding a grudge like this. 13.2k Reply Share whatproblems - 3 days ago why are they married lol
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  • 16
    Miserable_Dentist_70. Colo-rectal Surgeon [38] This whole scenario is messed up. You would go on a vacation to Europe and not bring your wife because of money? Either you can afford to go together or you cannot afford to go together. Because you're married, not dating. YTA, it sounds like you're just trying to punish her.
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  • 17
    Meghanshadow. Colo-rectal Surgeon [46] YTA It's a family vacation. Is she your family or a roommate? Have you been kept informed on her total debt and her progress? She's been paying off
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  • 18
    debt for A Year while only buying groceries. Either she had a Mountain of debt, you both have champagne and caviar diets, or she has still been frittering money away. Which is it?
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  • 19
    If she's been steadily chipping away at debt mountain, you should take her with you. If you have been eating caviar and steak on her dime while she tries to pay off debt, you should take her with you. If she's still frittering money away, you should divorce and not take her with you.
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  • 20
    Charming Usual6227 It's not about the debt because if it were telling her to spend $1000 she would have otherwise put toward it for a plane ticket would be out of the question. It's about shaming and punishing her. The
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  • 21
    debt is a convenient vehicle for his disdain for her but, once that is paid off, he will either find something else or focus on the fact that it happened rather than the remarkable achievement of righting it at a low-paying job.
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  • 22
    The bright side is that it sounds like the internal growth toward her realizing that she's carrying a weight much heavier than the debt is already well underway. If he wants to lord over his good financial sense rather than move forward as a family, he can just as easily do that divorced.
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  • 23
    GP7onRICE Imagine marrying someone that you don't even want to go on vacation with. I wouldn't even enjoy vacation if my wife weren't there, let alone pay to go without her.
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  • 24
    WebAcceptable7932 Certified Proctologist [28] ΥΤΑ You are treating her like a child and punishing her. She is living up to the promise she made you when you gave her an ultimatum. Instead of being proud you are kicking her when she's down. Do you even love her??
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    Biomax315 Partassipant [2] Sometimes you have to choose between being right and being happy. Stop viewing her as an adversary in this situation (even though financially, she was) and figure out how to
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    work together and improve the situation. That is, if you love her and want your marriage to work. Soft YTA. I totally get your position, but once a lesson is learned, you don't need to beat them to death with it.
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aita spending exiled tough love drama finance wife husband financial life lessons family reddit thread Reddit money vacation banished
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