‘He had almost 9 hours to do the ONE thing’: Helpless Husband Can Barely Remember To Do the Laundry on His Day Off, Wife is Beyond Fed Up with Repeated Incompetence

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Aug 3, 2024 9:00 PM EDT

"He came back inside and asked if I was done having a tantrum."

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  • It can be really difficult when you're the only one in the relationship carrying out household tasks, especially ones that need to get done in a timely manner. It's even more difficult to complete everything you need to when you're a working woman with irregular hours. Part of being in a relationship is splitting the hard work down the middle so everyone feels like they're being taken care of, on top of ensuring that the relationship is based on equality. When one half of the duo is expected to do more than the other, resentment and impatience begin to brew.

    The woman in this story is working a late evening shift resulting in her getting home around midnight. Her husband has the day off, and she asked him if he could wash, dry, and fold the laundry. It only makes sense because it seems like she does most of the housework, on top of him being at home the entire day with the ability to do the household tasks without issue. Upon arriving home late, she notices that the clothes are in the washer, but not in the dryer. She asks him why it isn't done, and he admits that he forgot. This sort of weaponized incompetence is what makes relationships fail from the beginning. What's worse, is that it seems like he was expecting her to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer. Instead of him doing it. She's had a stressful day at work and now her husband is revealing his lack of care regarding his wife's wishes, so she rightfully has a moment to herself to de-stress. He calls that a tantrum, and now she is wondering if this will ever stop. The ladies of the internet did not disappoint, advising her what she likely is too afraid to hear: leave him before it gets worse.

  • 01
    AIO because I'm just tired after a long day, when I (27F) asked my s/o (32M) of 7 years, to do one household thing while I was at work, and it didn't get done?
    via beccaafly
  • 02
    To cut to the chase, s/o has the day off today. He spent it doing whatever outside, probably welding something for his bike, idk. Anyway, I left for work today at 2:20pm, clocked in at 2:35pm. (This is only relevant to me probably, but it shows how long
    via beccaafly
  • 03
    of a day I had.) I walked into one of my closers calling off, so I only had myself and two others to close the entire store tonight, on a friday night, in the cusp of back to school clothes shopping season.. (Needless to say it was a beyond mentally draining, and
    via beccaafly
  • 04
    just a long long night.) Because of that, I didn't get to call him until 3:30pm to ask if he could please start the laundry in the washer. I told him everything was all set, I already had a pod and scentpak at the bottom, all he
    via beccaafly
  • 05
    had to do was start it and swap it over and start the dryer when it was done. I believe I hinted at him folding it so i didn't have to after work, but honestly my brain is goo right now so I can't recall. I closed the store at 11pm, and didn't get home until 11:45pm.
    via beccaafly
  • 06
    Asked about the status of the laundry. "It's done." I didn't see it anywhere, so I asked what he meant. "It's done in the washer." I asked what do you mean?? Why is it still in the washer?? "Because I just got it going not too long ago, I forgot about it okay, im sorry."
    via beccaafly
  • 07
    At that point I'm exhausted from dealing with short staffing and impatient, incompetent customers all day. I just wanted to come home and relax and not have to deal with that ONE thing when I got home. But i'm trying not to "b*tch" as much, so I just
    via beccaafly
  • 08
    became stoned face and stared ahead before I removed myself from the room by storming out pretty much, so I didn't go off on him instead. I don't remember what he said on the way out the
    via beccaafly
  • 09
    door, but I know it set me off when he let the screen door slam so I slammed the inside door after it, went to the bedroom, closed the door and just cried events and stress of the day away.
    via beccaafly
  • 10
    He came back inside and asked if I was done having a tantrum. I told him it's not a tantrum, and even if it was, it's valid. He said no it's not. So i told him yes, it is, because he had almost 9 hours to do the ONE thing I asked him to do for me today. He didn't say anything after that because we're in separate rooms right now.
    via beccaafly
  • 11
    Before anyone says anything about "maybe it's his only day off," it's not. He had off yesterday, and he's got off the next two days as well bc it's his shutdown week at his production job, while I've closed at work for the last 4 nights.
    via beccaafly
  • 12
    AIO? Edit: For those asking, I put the soap in the washer but didn't start it, because I was waiting for the dishwasher to finish up first.
    via beccaafly
  • 13
    I am not jealous at the fact that he has "a production job but all this time off" as someone said, I'm mad at the fact that I try to spend at LEAST an hour minimum cleaning/mopping on each day off I have a week, so nothing gets out of control, but every day off he has, he spends almost every hour of the day, and some nights, outside doing his hobbies, or hanging out with his friends.
    via beccaafly
  • 14
    Dramatic-Exception 2d ago OP, this whole scenario has played out for many women before. You are not the only one. The fact that it hurt you that much that he couldn't do this one chore during several days off tells us that these are recurrent habits with him and that your bar of expectations. for this grown man is SO LOW that all you asked for was one very simple task to ease your
    via Dramatic-Exception
  • 15
    life - yet even that was "weaponized" against you (when you were exhausted and worked all day) and then he had his own hissy fit and even said you were wrong for being upset. Then, we have more men posting here in comments that you over reacted, yet if those same men worked all day
    via Dramatic-Exception
  • 16
    while the wife stayed home on vacation doing nothing at all and neglected to complete one small task they asked for, you better believe those men would be and moaning about it! You have every right to be upset.
    via Dramatic-Exception
  • 17
    yummie4mytummie • 2d ago Time to do your own laundry only. This child can start looking after himself.
    via yummie4mytummie
  • 18
    CurzedRocks33 • 2d ago I feel like this probably isn't the first time he's forgot to do something you've asked and that him doing housework is probably not a regular thing... if that's the case I get your annoyance because this one little thing is part of a bigger picture, it's about knowing you
    via CurzedRocks33
  • 19
    can rely on him to get stuff done and being a partner to you taking on 50% of the mental and physical load since you both work, it's on both of you to keep the house in order, not just you.
    via CurzedRocks33
  • 20
    Icy-Fondant-3365 2d ago • Not overreacting, and he didn't forget. He just waited because he didn't want to do it right, knowing that if he screwed it up this time and the next time and the time after that, you'd likely just stop asking him to do it at all...problem solved for big man child.
    via Icy-Fondant-3365
  • 21
    Leo_the_Lurker • 2d ago You're not overreacting. You're under reacting. My ex was like this, that's why he's my ex. And when I tell you how my work and stress and just over all general life grief was cut in half when we split. It was a huge weight lifted off me. I suddenly had less mess, less complaining, less food to buy, and more free time, more
    via Leo_the_Lurker
  • 22
    money and more sleep. If he isn't helping then he's draining. Decide which one you want to live with and act accordingly. It is a scary prospect at first but once the bandaid is ripped off it's absolutely freeing. Then watch his head spin when he sees you happy and less. stressed out. Obviously if you can talk this out with him and
    via Leo_the_Lurker
  • 23
    even want to bother with that then you can. I tried talking to my ex for 11 years about it, it would get better for a week and then back to the status quo. So don't look to him for the change you seek, be the change you seek.
    via Leo_the_Lurker

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