CheezCake

‘I was livid’: SAHM juggling a degree, three children, and job search puts foot down after refusing to clean up after helpless husband

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    AITAH for being furious after my husband told me I don't do anything?
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    My husband (38) and I (36) have been together for 8 years now. We have three kids 3,6, and 7 and 2 dogs and a cat. We recently agreed that I would be a SAHM because I'm in school full time for my bachelors degree so we took the kids out of childcare and I quit my part time job. My husband also has brought up that he wants me to find a part time
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    work from home job as well so I've been searching and applying. So work from home, school full time, and have all the kids and animals and everything else. This is still a fairly new arrangement, but it's hard. Actually going to work is less stressful. More adult interaction. My stress levels are through the roof all day at home. The work is never ending. I'm in
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    sensory overload all day. My husband actually told me about two movies he watched at work today and that it was a "super easy and slow day". Well, after he got home, he called me from bathroom to the kitchen saying "can you come help?" I went but turned out there was just a spill and nothing major, looked like some juice or flavored water or
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    something. He then asked me to clean it up because he was trying to do something else and he left. I did not clean it up. I went back to the bathroom to finish what I was originally doing. He then came to me and told me he's never seen anyone so petty and dramatic and couldn't believe I refused to help him. I
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    explained to him it's not that I was refusing to help him, but there was no reason he didn't just clean it. And it wasn't right that he stopped me from what I was doing in another room to do something he was perfectly capable of doing himself. He said he couldn't clean up the spill because the kids were around. I was livid. I told that I have the
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    kids all day by myself. I'm doing school work. I'm applying for jobs. You came home to a clean house, no dirty laundry, no dishes, kids bathed and ready for bed, animals walked and fed, and I have your lunch packed for tomorrow. If I can manage all of that with the kids then you can clean up your own spill. He then responded with I'm lazy and he
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    knows I don't do anything all day except sit on my and that I can't even hold a job. Mind you, this was something we talked about and he's even the one who told me to quit my job and stay home. I was so mad I was shaking. I left and drove around the neighborhood. He still hasn't spoken to me. Am I being the AH?
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    • EntildaDesigns 13h ago Is today the AH dads against SAHMS day? This the 3rd AH husband I've read today who treats his wife like this. this can't be real right?
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    RandomReddit9791 • 10h ago He agreed to the arrangement and is now calling YOU lazy because HE didn't want to clean up a spill. Go back to your previous arrangement asap and stop carrying so much of the load. Do not be a SAHM when your husband shows he doesn't value what you do. Next it'll be the financial abuse.
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    Astyryx . 11h ago If you think he's educable, get the Fair Play book and game. But for the immediate moment, tell him all but essential kid services stop. He can take some vacation time while you go away for a break. And he can learn that unpaid care labor i labor.
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    Also what a douchecanoe, saying proximity to kids means he can't do a task, while also diminishing your days as "not working." There's a lot of people in the world who, if they sent back in time, would seamlessly be delighted to be slave owners.
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    Parking_Pomelo_3856 10h ago Start with getting his highness his own laundry basket. You are no longer his laundress. Paper plates and utensils. You're not the dishwasher. He can pack his own lunch. Tbh this arrangement saved my sanity when my kids were young. My husband is not an AH and just rolled with it. Yours will and moan about it but effem. He's giving you no respect so why should you exert yourself for him.
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    meggnugget . 8h ago NTA but seriously you need to drop this arrangement any man who can't comprehend the work a SAHM does isn't someone you want to be financially reliant on. He already views you are inferior to him you need to get out of the ASAP because soon it will be his money and he will act as if you contribute nothing.
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    CatCharacter848 8h ago You need to leave him alone with the kids for a few days so he can appreciate what you do for him. Or If he says your lazy and do nothing. Just be lazy and do nothing.
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    . Chipchop666 · 8h ago This is the hill to die on. Your husband sounds like a self entitled mamas boy
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    . Haunting-Nebula-... 8h ago NTA - I was a single mom going to school full time, working, managing my own household and I never had that drama. You know why? Because there was no man child to cause that drama. Tell him to get his together or just send a check every month
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    TootsNYC 9m ago • you can't HOLD a job? You didn't get fired; you resigned to be focused at home. If anything, he "fired" you from your job to "hire" you into a job with a toxic coworker who thinks he's your boss.
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    onthewayin10 14h ago Get back to your part time job asap. He's contradicting himself - he wanted you to give up your part time job and be a SAHM for the time you're not in school yet wants you to get another part time job working from home? This makes zero sense.
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    You're NTA but you should - realise how important it is that you finish your degree and get your own financial independence, there's no way in I'd agree to be a SAHM with a partner who says things like this
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    Cabin_life_2023 • 14h ago . I'm sorry you had to deal with his shenanigans. Being a SAHM is no joke, especially with everything else you've got going on. NTA
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    SweetBekki ⚫2h ago NTA - you should make some travel plans with your friends and leave your husband with the kids all weekend and see how he copes
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    Tough_Breadfru... 28m ago You deserve better honey. Your husband sounds like a bad joke & we all know you bin those. If he can't appreciate all you do then. don't do it anymore & do what makes you happy.

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