Man Sees Flirty Text to Coworker on His Wife’s Phone, He Files For Legal Separation and Plays the Victim, Only to String Her Along For a Year While Dating Another Woman

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Aug 3, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

Welcome back internet enthusiasts. To be honest, I barely knew what 'legal separation' meant until reading this Reddit thread. I guess the idea behind it has good intentions, but it lacks some clarity and keeps two people in a strange limbo, opening up new disasters to happen. But hey, I'm not the one to judge here. What I do judge is that the man sees one text on his wife's phone and acts like she had some great, outrageous affair when she didn't. 

We all make mistakes, and hinting to a coworker that you may have feelings is wrong. I couldn't imagine the heartbreak at reading something like that, and although it's tip-toeing around emotional cheating, it just isn't cheating. The world is rough, and people are flawed. But I do believe in a certain amount of forgiveness for these sorts of mistakes. Infidelity is a spectrum, and this barely touches that spectrum. In my opinion, this man is an idiot for throwing away his marriage over a text, instead of having a heart-to-heart with his wife. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH • 12 hr. ago PrimaryAdsd AITAH for dating someone when my wife and I are legally separated because she cheated on me?
    via u/PrimaryAdsd
  • 02
    My wife (31F) and I (32M) have been married for 6 years. We have no children. We legally separated last year, because I saw a text on my wife's phone to her coworker where she said she felt special when talking to him. My wife admitted she shouldn't have sent that text, and that nothing physical had happened between
    via u/PrimaryAdsd
  • 03
    her and her co worker, but she admitted that text was probably the beginnings of an emotional affair.
    via u/PrimaryAdsd
  • 04
    She was very remorseful about it and really regretful about everything, and she said she'd quit her job; and do anything to reconcile. She recommended marriage counseling and even individual therapy for herself. However, I just felt extremely betrayed, and really wanted a divorce, but my wife
    via u/PrimaryAdsd
  • 05
    recommended separation for an indefinite period of time to see if my feelings for her could rekindle.
    via u/PrimaryAdsd
  • 06
    I thought about it a lot, and ultimately agreed on legal separation. My wife told me she wouldn't see or date anyone during the separation, but I made no such guarantees, I told my wife she was free to do what she wanted, but she still insisted that she wasn't going to even entertain it to prove her love to me.
    via u/PrimaryAdsd
  • 07
    My wife and I then got legally separated, and a couple of months after separation, I started seeing my current partner. We have now been dating for 9 months, and my partner knows about me being legally separated. I didn't really feel the need to tell about my partner to my wife.
    via u/PrimaryAdsd
  • 08
    However, last week, my girlfriend and I were grocery shopping and holding hands, and my wife came up behind me and said hi. She seemed a bit hurt, and just immediately left after saying hi to me. I felt a bit guilty about it even though I know I shouldn't feel guilty about it, and that I'm not doing anything wrong.
    via u/PrimaryAdsd
  • 09
    Later that night, I called my wife and told her everything, and I said we could proceed with divorce if she wanted to. However, my wife was crying and she said no, she said she still wants to give it a shot and that she still believes in us.
    via u/PrimaryAdsd
  • 10
    I know I technically am not the AH, but I feel like I am an AH. AITAH?
    via u/PrimaryAdsd
  • 11
    Al-25_Official • 11h ago Just get the divorce done already. So she can move on too
    via u/Al-25_Official
  • 12
    New-Number-7810 • 11h ago OP, you need to be the one. who initiates the divorce.
    via u/New-Number-7810
  • 13
    Majestic_Bit_4784 • 11h ago Maybe you should have just been honest with her from the start and said you couldn't forgive her so you wanted a divorce, by agreeing to that legal separation you gave her false hope. Then you could have informed her you had
    via u/Majestic_Bit_4784
  • 14
    false hope. Then you could have informed her you had met someone that you wanted a relationship with, she would have known the marriage is over.
    via u/Majestic_Bit_4784
  • 15
    Missdermeanert... • 11h ago YTA. You stared dating some one six months after she sent a text to someone that MIGHT have been the start if an emotional affair, after refusing marriage counseling. You've already been with her nine months and you've been keeping her a secret.
    via u/Missdermeanert
  • 16
    Sounds like you were looking for an excuse to leave anyway. Just get divorced and stop stringing her along
    via u/Missdermeanert
  • 17
    ScarletDarkstar • 11h ago Yeah, I'm sorry but not being technically in the wrong doesn't make you not an . You knew she was hoping to work on your relationship, lead her to believe you were willing by not divorcing her. You knew. you were working on
    via u/ScarletDarkstar
  • 18
    another relationship instead of rekindling your marriage. You should have given her all the information to make an informed decision. You may not be 'officially' cheating, but you are playing her. A nine months relationship you just didn't feel the need to mention is
    via u/ScarletDarkstar
  • 19
    relationship you just didn't feel the need to mention is being an to both your wife and girlfriend. YTA
    via u/ScarletDarkstar
  • 20
    S... 11h ago • Edited 10h ago YTA Why didn't you just go through with the divorce? It's clear you're not interested in working on your marriage.
    via u/S
  • 21
    Terrible-Wave-12... • 11h ago YTA just divorce her. you enjoy torturing her.
    via u/Terrible-Wave-12
  • 22
    Strawmelonberry 11h ago. you were done with your wife before that text. be honest.
    via u/Strawmelonberry
  • 23
    xmrschaoticx • 11h ago YTA. I don't understand all the NTA. As soon as you started dating you should have told her. This is what makes the YTA verdict. Stop. stringing her along and do the divorce already
    via u/xmrschaoticx
  • 24
    tigerofjiangdong... • 11h ago I was gonna say NTA but why are you dragging your feet on the divorce? You are giving your wife false hope. Is she a back up plan incase things fall through? I mean it seems extreme for you to want a divorce after a text that was inappropriate. It
    via u/tigerofjiangdong
  • 25
    indicates to me you didn't. have a very good relationship otherwise. I would be hurt if my wife crossed some boundaries with a text but i wouldn't go nuclear. Divorce your wife and allow yourself to both move on.
    via u/tigerofjiangdong
  • 26
    Not divorcing her the first time was questionable. Now not divorcing her when you have been 9 months with someone else just makes it look like you don't want to commit to either. YTA.
    via u/tigerofjiangdong

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