Divorced mom sends 7-year-old daughter to dad's with empty suitcase after he insults her clothing: 'You harmed your daughter to get back at him'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 19, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

When you're co-parenting, disputes are bound to come up. You divorced for a reason, so more likely than not there's a little bad blood. But you also have to work together to raise your child. And odds are you won't always agree with their parenting decisions. But sometimes divorce wars become proxy wars, separated by distance and played out on the battlefield of the child. Since they're the only ones who have contact with both, it's easy for kids to be caught in the middle of their parents' drama. 

And this is never a good thing. Kids should be allowed not to think about the troubles that their parents are having, and just focus on being a kid. But you can't always get what you want, and sometimes pettiness gets the best of us. Like in this story, where a dad's derogatory comment became the perfect reason to get a little petty. Read on for the story.

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    Cheezburger Image 10385783296
    via Signature June
  • 02
    AITA for sending my (35F) daughter (7F) to her father's (36M) for the week with an empty suitcase because they always complain about her clothing being inappropriate?
    via u/Ok-Bowler2739
  • 03
    AITA for sending my (35F) daughter (7F) to her father's (36M) for the week with an empty suitcase because they always complain about her clothing being inappropriate?
    via u/Ok-Bowler2739
  • 04
    My ex husband and I divorced 6 years ago. 4 years ago, he married his now wife, who has a son the same age as my daughter. My daughter and I live in a different state than my ex, so when she visits, she has to fly unaccompanied, and therefore only sees him a couple of times a year.
    via u/Ok-Bowler2739
  • 05
    My ex and his wife are wealthy. They belong to the country club, his hobby is racing cars, and they both drive luxury vehicles (Porsche and BMW). I, on the other hand, am a single mom in marketing. I make ok money, but it's still a struggle to make it to
    via u/Ok-Bowler2739
  • 06
    the end of the month and cover all of the bills. But, I must say, we have joy. My daughter is happy. She has friends. She may not be the most stylish, but I cover everything for her before I even consider buying anything for myself. She's clean. She's presentable.
    via u/Ok-Bowler2739
  • 07
    For the last couple of years, every time my daughter visits, my ex will call me to tell me her clothing is inappropriate for their lives and that I need to go get her new clothing before she visits. I'll be honest, I just kind of brushed it off the first few times because I didn't want to rock the boat. But
    via u/Ok-Bowler2739
  • 08
    then something just kind of snapped and last December, I told him that if he thought her clothing was so inappropriate, he was welcome to buy her a new wardrobe, as her clothes work for our life. He didn't really like that answer and told me so.
    via u/Ok-Bowler2739
  • 09
    Before she left to visit for a couple of weeks last month, he called me to remind me she needed more appropriate clothing for their life. I was, admittedly, 1. So I grabbed her usual suitcase, put in the things she absolutely needed like her blanket and teddy bears, but left out all clothing.
    via u/Ok-Bowler2739
  • 10
    He was to put it lightly. He called me screaming that I was being immature and ridiculous. I told him that if her clothing is inappropriate, he should go make sure she has the right, appropriate things to wear. Clearly my judgement is flawed and they would have a much idea of what she should wear.
    via u/Ok-Bowler2739
  • 11
    He's now threatening to take me back to court, which I can't afford, but his new wife's family are all lawyers, so they would have no problem affording. I think he's just bluffing, but I also think if I apologize, they'd let it go. I just... I'm having a hard time coming up with an apology that feels real, as I can't tell if I am in the wrong here.
    via u/Ok-Bowler2739
  • 12
    So reddit... AITA for sending my daughter to her dad's house without clothing after he's said, for years, that all of her clothing is inappropriate for their house, and telling him to go buy her new clothes himself? Should I apologize for ruining their first day by making them go shopping?
    via u/Ok-Bowler2739
  • 13
    newbeginingshey ⚫ 3 min. ago Let him tell a judge he refuses to cloth his child while she's in his care
    via u/newbeginingshey
  • 14
    Maximum-Swan-1009. 14 min. ago There is no law that says your daughter has to have expensive, designer clothes. NTA.
    via u/Maximum-Swan-1009
  • 15
    General Relative 2838. 1 hr. ago NTA. It's not fair to ask you to provide clothes that meet his approval. And, it sounds like he sees your daughter's clothing as an excuse to criticize you and rub his lavish lifestyle in your face. Just resign yourself to the fact that no matter what you do he will criticize you.
    via u/General_Relative2838
  • 16
    I honestly don't think he'll get far if he actually takes you to court. What cause of action does he have? Your sending your child to a man who can afford to buy her a week's worth of clothes is not abuse.
    via u/General_Relative2838
  • 17
    • BalloonShip 7 min. ago ESH (you and ex). WT actual F? You are using your daughter in a pawn in your dispute with your ex. She will be in dirty clothes after getting there, sleeping in them, and then going to the store in the same clothes the next day. Your behavior is truly outrageous.
    via u/BalloonShip
  • 18
    Your ex is an all-around AH with a terrible attitude about this situation.
    via u/BalloonShip
  • 19
    Independent-Wheel354. 1 hr. ago ESH. Regardless of your issue with the dad (and he sounds like an AH for sure) now your daughter doesn't have clothes for the week. How do you think she feels right now? Do you think she'll enjoy the shopping? Do you think her dad and step mom will make her feel supported and valued while they buy her stuff? Don't weaponize your kids.
    via u/Independent-Wheel354
  • 20
    Odd Jello2722 29 min. ago "My daughter and I live in a different state than my ex........therefore only sees. him a couple of times a year." Is he paying child support? If he's paying his fair share of child support then you should have sent clothes and if those clothes weren't up to their expectations then they could go out and purchase her Burberry and Gucci.
    via u/Odd_Jello2722
  • 21
    I think he's more of the AH here. Even if I'm paying child. support and my kid has a need, I'm taking care of it regardless.
    via u/Odd_Jello2722
  • 22
    Manager-Limp · 32 min. ago NTA. She should have clothing and other basic needs from the parent who has her at that moment. Your rich ex and his wife are acting all cheap and stuck- up at the same time.
    via u/Manager-Limp
  • 23
    Walktothebrook · 1 hr. ago ESH. As angry as you were, you harmed your daughter to get back at him. That said, he clearly is using the clothing issue to attack you. Curious if you get child support? Also, is it time to take him back to court for more? Finally, send her with old, worn out clothes in the future.
    via u/Walktothebrook

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divorced co-parenting family drama marriage kids reddit story marriage-drama parenting little kids divorce clothing clothes reddit thread Reddit Parenting Fail parents children custody Parenting FAILS
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