Manipulative single mom lives with twin sister rent free, expects her to pay for daycare and all other baby expenses: 'I’m not Lucas’s dad, I shouldn’t be expected to change my life for him'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 12, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Nobody likes to admit how easy it is to be taken advantage of by your loved ones. We all like to think that if our families need anything, we will be there to help them out for as long as they need us, but that's a slippery slope to having your brother, his wife, and their three kids living with you for years and eating you out of house and home. There's a big difference between being community-minded and getting taken advantage of, and a lot of people who are the former have a difficult time admitting that the latter is happening to them. It's easier than you'd think for someone to manipulate you into thinking that paying for all their expenses and housing them rent-free is the only way they'll stay off the streets. For the majority of people, this simply isn't true, and in the case of these twin sisters, the aunt is being manipulated. 

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  • 01
    HC071116PL1
    via Lucy Wolski

    Photo does not depict the real subjects in this story

  • 02
    AITA for telling my sister to stop expecting me to play baby daddy?
    via Statistic-Error
  • 03
    My (29F) twin sister, Maya, has a 1-year-old son, Lucas. A little backstory: she had a horrible pregnancy right from the first trimester and had to quit her job since she was spending too much time out of the office. Her ex-boyfriend turned out to be a POS who claimed Maya had cheated on him and pinned the baby on him, and when my family insisted on taking a paternity test as soon as the baby was born, he agreed but went out for some milk before the due date.
    via Statistic-Error
  • 04
    After Lucas was born, finances became too tricky with a newborn and Maya's postpartum complications. She asked if I could let her stay with me temporarily so she doesn't have to pay rent and I agreed. I have an extra room in my house (which I inherited from my grandma) so I don't have to worry about rent either.
    via Statistic-Error
  • 05
    Long story short, it's been tough living with a baby whose mother needs so much more help than one person can provide. Our parents live too far to be of any help. Anyway, I didn't mind waking up half the time to give Lucas his bottle or staying with him when she needed some time to herself. I also paid for everything baby- related. Hospital bills for both her and my nephew, food, clothes, and diapers, you name it.
    via Statistic-Error
  • 06
    But now that both Maya and my nephew are stable enough that she resumed working, she started pushing for more. She expected me to keep paying for everything, but I told her it's harder now that I'm not putting in as many hours and I get paid per hour. Still, she buys nothing and I end up paying anyway. She also thinks it doesn't make sense to pay for daycare when I'm home most of the day. I ended up paying for it myself when she wouldn't.
    via Statistic-Error
  • 07
    (I think it's important to add I refused to adopt Lucas. Everyone has always known I will adopt a child or more in the future but when Maya asked, I didn't think she would be willing to stay in her bio son's life as an aunt, and I don't think the confusion would do anyone any good.)
    via Statistic-Error
  • 08
    So Monday, she asked me to take Lucas to his hospital appointment and I said no. I told her to take a day off for that, because my job hasn't been doing well lately as I've been spending too much time taking care of Lucas. She pointed out how this is my nephew and if I adopt kids, I will need to make sacrifices too, to which I said "I will make them when the time comes but I'm not Lucas's dad and although I'm happy to help where I can, I shouldn't be expected to change my life for him."
    via Statistic-Error
  • 09
    Maya took a day off but since the appointment, she hasn't spoken to me except a yes/no mumble when I talk to her, and she's been keeping Lucas in her room when he's not at daycare. I love the little guy with all my life, and I'm wondering if maybe I took things too far. AITA?
    via Statistic-Error
  • 10
    ETA because I can't reply to all the comments. I may have caused some gender confusion with my phrasing but I am female (we're identical twins). I used the exact words "I'm not his dad" in our argument despite my gender so that's what I wrote on the post.
    via Statistic-Error
  • 11
    November-8485 · 13 hr. ago Nta. Mentioning you'll have to make sacrifices after how much you've already stepped up reeks of manipulation and entitlement. Yes she has it hard, but she also needs to appreciate and respect how much you've helped. And you need the ability to live and move freely or you'll both sink.
    via November-8485
  • 12
    Perhaps she should go move in with mom or dad, but you should definitely discuss responsibilities/finances and a move out date.
    via November-8485
  • 13
    MichaSound 10 hr. ago Has it hard? She's living rent free, with her family paying most of her baby and healthcare expenses and helping her out regularly - that's more help than a lot of new mothers have when they have a partner.
    via MichaSound
  • 14
    People like this remind me of my sister in law, who's always whinging about being a struggling single mother when she actually lived with her doting parents. She went back to work while her mum acted as a 24/7 unpaid nanny, cleaner and cook, AND her parents picked up most of the expenses of having a child (groceries, medical, school expenses, clothes, etc).
    via MichaSound
  • 15
    I think many single mothers do a great job, but let's not pretend that someone supported by parents and/or siblings is worse off than someone supported by a partner.
    via MichaSound
  • 16
    Vegetable Stuff1850 · 10 hr. ago She also needs to apply to the courts for child support and get that ball rolling. She may need to talk with a Dr about PPD as well. NTA. You were helping her and now she's taking it for granted and is being a leech. She does either need to start getting her act together or find another solution.
    via Vegetable_Stuff185
  • 17
    Can I ask what country you're in, because that will determine some of the laws you may have issues with. I saw someone mention squatters rights, and that's an issue in some countries but not others, as is the social service support available.
    via Vegetable_Stuff185
  • 18
    Environmental_Art591 10 hr. ago Mentioning you'll have to make sacrifices after how much you've already stepped up reeks of manipulation and entitlement. OP has already been manipulated into adopting Lucas just like Maya wanted except now she gets to still claim she is his mum, just like OP reason for not going the legal adoption route.
    via Environmental_Art591
  • 19
    OP needs to either finish what they started adopt Lucas, kick out Maya and set hard boundaries about their relationship going forward or she needs to stop being a parent to Lucas and set hard boundaries going forward including potentially giving sis a move out date. Either way Maya needs to grow up and accept responsibility for the choices she made (and track down baby dady instead of relying on OP) and OP needs to stop enabling Maya
    via Environmental_Art591
  • 20
    Jealous_Radish_2728. 8 hr. ago You have not taken things far enough. Stop paying anything for her. At this point, Maya is a leech. Discuss a move out date with her. NTA
    via Jealous_Radish_2728
  • 21
    honeybabybear05. 11 hr. ago NTA! I have sadly been in your position as a sister and i must say, it won't end well! You will always be reminded that its not your kid when its convinient for them. In my opinion, she should live on her own with her kid. You can then do normal aunty duties and not 2nd parent duties. I hope this helps, if it doesn't disregard. Good Luck :)
    via honeybabybear05
  • 22
    Statistic-Error OP. 11 hr. ago Thank you! Yeah, I think this would help. I would hate to kick her to the curb right now when she's still struggling, but if I get my working hours back, I can help financially from a distance as an aunt. (actually the boy calls me Momma sometimes since his mom and I are identical and I guess he gets mixed up once in a while? So yeah, I can smell the "He's not your son" argument already.
    via Statistic-Error
  • 23
    honeybabybear05 - 11 hr. ago I am telling you, the way that comment broke my heart. I felt so broken after all the things i did for that kid and my sister, financially, emotionally and everything. Sge even called me the second parent but when it was convinient for her she always said, i should shut it cause i am not her mum and i will understand 'when i have
    via honeybabybear05
  • 24
    kids of my own' But keeping a distance was the best for me. I still show up as an Aunt when needed but i decided to just have my own kid in the future and for your part, adopt.
    via honeybabybear05
  • 25
    Mike15321-2 hr. ago She isn't struggling. She's living rent free, having all her expenses paid for by you, and has free childcare via you. In no world is she struggling. She has more help than most mothers do when the father is an active participant. She's manipulated you into thinking she's struggling and needs your help just to get by.
    via Mike15321

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Babies daycare family drama manipulative baby sisters aunt family expensive twins sister mom nephew money single mom reddit story Reddit
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