Aunt buys deoderant for 14-year-old nephew who's getting bullied for his foul scent, gets chewed out by his crunchy mom for overstepping boundaries: 'She said I caused irreversible damage to his self esteem'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 10, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Everybody remembers the smelly kid in middle school. Even if you don't think you remember, somewhere in the annals of your mind is the girl who never wore deodorant and subsequently had difficulty making friends. If you were like me or any of the boys at my middle school, you would baptize yourself daily with cheap perfume or cologne (Axe Body Spray was king in the boys' locker room) in a desperate bid to not become the smelly kid. Usually, it didn't take half a bottle of Coconut Lime Verbena to prevent that, but taking precautions was paramount.

Some kids don't have the privilege of parents who will tell them when they stink. One aunt recently went viral on Reddit for telling her 14-year-old nephew that he reeks in the kindest way she could, against the will of his crunchy parents. Instead of thanking her for buying him hygienic products, his mom chewed her sister-in-law out.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10387277312
    via Lesli Whitecotton

    Photo does not depict the real subject in the story

  • 02
    AITA for helping my nephew with his body odor?
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 03
    My nephew just turned 14 and is going through puberty. He hit a major growth spurt and now his body odor is in full force. I picked him up last week and his body odor was so strong that it lingered in my car for several days.
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 04
    I brought it up to my brother and his wife as I thought it would best to be handled by his parents rather than his aunt. Unfortunately, they are a bit bohemian and don't have great hygiene themselves. They said they didn't think he smelled bad at all and that it would hurt his self esteem if they told him he stank. Well that.
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 05
    This past week I picked my nephew up per usual. During our visit, I told him that he was growing into a young man and, when that happens, our bodies start to change and emit new smells. I told him that he was starting to get that smell and, if he wanted, we could go shopping together to buy some supplies. At first he did seem a bit embarrassed because (shocker) he was getting picked on in school for smelling bad. I comforted him by telling him that was completely normal and he isn't the only kid
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 06
    I took him to the store and let him pick out some different deodorants, body washes and sprays. I felt it was a great experience for both of us and he genuinely seemed excited about trying out all the different products.
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 07
    After I dropped him off, I received an angry text from my SIL saying I completely overstepped and disregarding their instructions as parents. She said I caused "irreversible damage" to his self esteem and I should mind my own business; otherwise she wasn't sure she felt comfortable with me spending time with him. So, AITA?
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 08
    Catcon95 21 hr. ago NTA. His self esteem took a hit the minute the kids at school started bullying him for smelling bad. You just helped make his day to day a little easier
    via uCatcon95
  • 09
    Wombat 7379 OP - 17 hr. ago Thank you! I figured I wasn't the here but I am not a parent so I wasn't sure how offensive my "disregard" for their directions actually were. It seemed like common sense to me.
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 10
    zombiep00 17 hr. ago I wonder if your brother and his wife were offended on your nephew's behalf (even though your nephew was excited about the smellygoods). Or perhaps they were offended because you were inadvertently, in their opinion, telling them that they also stink.
    via u/zombiep00
  • 11
    I don't know why they became heated about you trying to help. It isn't like you were cruel to your nephew when you talked to him about it. What a strange reaction (and this is coming from a mom).
    via u/zombiep00
  • 12
    Wombat 7379 OP. 16 hr. ago I completely agree. I think it is because they both are still so young (they had him their senior year of high school), and seem to take any advice or suggestion as offensive, simply because they believe we don't have faith in them.
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 13
    As I told her, it had absolutely nothing to do with her or my lack of respect for her as a parent. It had everything to do with my nephew's well being (physical, mental and emotional). If I find his smell offensive, how much worse are kids at school going to react? Unfortunately he was already feeling the pain of that.
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 14
    Wanderluster621 16 hr. ago edited 15 hr. ago Your brother and SIL are being parents. They can shove their bohemian ways. If they want to live that way, fine, but once that lifestyle starts to negatively impact their kid, it's time to stop being self centered and look at the child's needs. NTA. You sound like an awesome Auntie!
    via u/Wanderluster621
  • 15
    Wombat_7379 OP. 15 hr. ago It to admit it because I dearly love my brother, but you are right. While he may not agree with his wife, he won't stand up to her and thus silence is acquiescence. They are both so young and immature; in many ways they are still kids themselves. If they just had a bit of humility to realize that, just because they are the parents doesn't mean they are infallible when it comes to raising their son.
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 16
    Wanderluster621 - 15 hr. ago You are giving him his autonomy by telling him it's not just him that goes through this; by taking him shopping for toiletries; by being a safe support person for your nibling to seek out. I sincerely hope his parents realize what they are doing and modify their behavior.
    via u/Wanderluster621
  • 17
    T_G_A_H - 16 hr. ago "still so young"?? If my math is right, they're in their early 30s. Time to grow up and put his needs first and not their pride.
    via u/T_G_A_H
  • 18
    Wombat_7379 OP 15 hr. ago Ha! Shows my age. I'm 37 and still feel young! But you are right - they are full-fledged adults and there is no excuse. Though I do believe they are immature for their age. When my nephew was born they received a lot of support from the family. His grandparents and I essentially raised him for the first 8-9 years of his life. It has only been the past few years that they are flexing their muscles and saying "we know best for our son". In a way it feels like they are lik
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 19
    POAndrea 14 hr. ago I wonder if they resent you and your folks for supporting the family then and so now they see your involvement as butting in and trying to take over again.
    via u/POAndrea
  • 20
    Wombat 7379 OP. 14 hr. ago I think you've nailed it. Though I don't know if they resent us for the prior support. I think they soaked up all the support and benefit and now they feel they've earned their right for independence.
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 21
    They used to be terrible with money as well. When they asked me for money, I never just gave it. I would sit down with me, ask to see their finances - incoming, expenses, etc - and I offered to build them a budget and savings plan (I am an accountant by trade).
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 22
    They never wanted the advice, just the money. They would say "we can handle it ourselves". Obviously not! So no dice. The only way I would ever give them money is if they allowed me to help them get on a healthier financial plan. It really baffled me how they could ask for money and yet still felt they were responsible adults who didn't need advice.
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 23
    Vandreeson . 15 hr. ago NTA. They were raising the smelly kid that gets picked on. You're family to him, why would you want to see him get picked on if you could help it? You probably helped that boy more than you'll ever know. It sounds like they weren't going to get him these products. You don't know if he mentioned this to his parents and they just blew him off or what. You saw a problem and you tried to fix it. Good for you.
    via u/Vandreeson
  • 24
    Wombat_7379 OP. 14 hr. ago From what I understand, he told them he was being picked on but I think he was embarrassed to say why. They told him that kids only pick on you if they are insecure and jealous, so he should just ignore them. I think he felt comfortable sharing with me because I was honest with him and didn't treat him like an idiot or a baby. I tried to talk to him as I would want to be spoken to; I explained what was going on, that it wasn't his fault, and that there was a very easy
    via u/Wombat_7379
  • 25
    NovaScrawlers - 21 hr. ago NTA. I'm 34 now, but I will never forget this kid who was in my math class when I was 15/16 because of how bad he stank. He smelled so bad that every day when he left the classroom the teacher would have to spray air freshener around where he had sat. We could smell him from across the classroom. It was foul. It was putrid. It's been almost thirty full years and I still remember him, name and all, because that's how strong of a bad impression he made on me. You're savi
    via u/NovaScrawlers

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nephews smell puberty teenager teenage bullies teenagers bad parenting deodorant bad parents parenting smelly aunt bullying nephew Parenting Fail hygiene
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