28-year-old sends thousand of dollars a month to his mid-50s parents so they can retire early, puts financial stress on his girlfriend: 'His parents are choosing to watch their child struggle so they can live lavishly'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Aug 14, 2024 11:00 AM EDT

No parents want to rob their children of their future. While some aging parents of adult children might need more support than others, they shouldn't want to take away their children's opportunities for life and a family of their own if they can help it. Sometimes, the strain of taking care of parents puts plans on hold, but usually, that's only when they have no choice but to make huge sacrifices for their parent's sake. 

There's a difference between being unable to work because of need and deciding to stop working out of laziness. The parents of a mid-twenties immigrant young man decided to do the latter, and it's costing him and his girlfriend a future together. He makes $5000 a month, pays only $700 in rent, and yet most of his cash is going to his parents who decided to retire from their good jobs in their 50s despite blowing most of their savings. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10389075200
    via Levi Meir Clancy

    Photo does not depict the real subject in the story

  • 02
    AITAH for not caring that my boyfriend's parents can't retire?
    via u/Asleep-Ask229
  • 03
    My (26F) boyfriend (28M) and I live in a low cost of living city, both have good white collar jobs with decent salaries, and should be able to afford a nice life. My boyfriend is an immigrant and had worked very hard to get where he is now in his career, and yet he can't reap any of the benefits.
    via u/Asleep-Ask229
  • 04
    My boyfriend's parents are mid 50's and apparently ready to retire. They live back in his home country where cost of living and taxes are pretty low, and are both college educated professionals who have worked steadily for over 25 years, receiving great salaries. However, my boyfriend's father has made some very poor real estate investments and financial choices over the past decade that have essentially decimated their retirement fund.
    via u/Asleep-Ask229
  • 05
    My partners parents are now asking that he send them money every month to finance their upcoming retirement. The amount they have demanded (and he has begun sending) is well over half his monthly paycheque. He makes over $5,000 a month, with only $700 in rent and no car, and yet is barely getting by due to the money he has to send back home. Essentially, he is struggling and living paycheque to paycheque with no savings so they can have a comfortable early retirement.
    via u/Asleep-Ask229
  • 06
    Before his parents proposed (or, rather demanded) this arrangement, we were planning on buying a house, getting married, and starting a family in the next 2-3 years. Now, I have no idea how we can swing that. I work full time, but make less than my partner and can't finance all of that on my own. I love that my boyfriend cares so much about his family and is so generous, but this is absurdly selfish of his parents in my opinion.
    via u/Asleep-Ask229
  • 07
    We had a discussion last night regarding our future, and he more or less said that this is the way it's going to be and he will just have to "make more money". While I appreciate his drive, you can't really just "make more money" overnight. It can take years to climb the corporate ladder to a significant level, and he doesn't even have the money to start some kind of side gig. I think this is partially due to our conflicting cultural values growing up in very
    via u/Asleep-Ask229
  • 08
    different parts of the world, but I'm feeling really upset about this situation. I'm upset that his parents are choosing to watch their child struggle so they can live lavishly, and I'm upset that he is sacrificing or putting our future at risk due to his fathers poor investment choices. AITAH?
    via u/Asleep-Ask229
  • 09
    rhinoregrets 11 hr. ago edited 2 hr. ago NTA. I come from a culture and background where taking care of our parents is not a choice, we must do it. I'm an only child with a mom who is 50 but can't work anymore. I'm only 24 but I've started taking care of her financially. She has no other kids or husband, the responsibility is on me. My then boyfriend (now husband) also has the same values so it wasn't an issue when I went to him and told him we're going to have to financially plan to take care o
    via u/rhinoregrets
  • 10
    The problem here is both of you aren't wrong, you just have different opinions. Its a difficult situation telling someone to pull back on helping their parents but it does sound like they are taking advantage of him. They should be trying to live independently for as long as they can to allow you and your boyfriend to plan for a future and life together rather than expecting him to help. Do they know how much of his paycheque he is giving them every month?
    via u/rhinoregrets
  • 11
    You are 100% in your right to feel uncomfortable and be disappointed but I'm not sure how stuck in his ways your boyfriend is and if any amount of conversation can help. Him telling you that you just have to deal with it would be enough for someone to leave and rightfully so. You didn't sign up to live a harder life so your boyfriend can fund the lifestyle of his parents.
    via u/rhinoregrets
  • 12
    Maybe this issue never came up before but it's here now and now it's up to both of you to find a compromise and common ground. Maybe tell him to send half of what he's sending now and when he does start making more money then he can send more. If he doesn't seem to budge at all I would suggest maybe looking at the relationship and if this is something you can deal with forever. If he's going to always bend like this to meet the demands of his parents you cant know when or where it will end. He w
    via u/rhinoregrets
  • 13
    TheHatOnTheCat 10 hr. ago To me your situation with your mother is very different. I wound understand and respect that your mom needed your support as she was unable to work. I respect that and you for stepping up.
    via u/TheHatOnTheCat
  • 14
    But OP's boyfriends parents are educated professionals in their 50s who just want to retire. Key word here is want. I don't have any respect for them not saving their money (despite being well off for their area) then choosing to retire early and demanding their son pay for everything for them and put his life on hold to do so.
    via u/TheHatOnTheCat
  • 15
    If I was OP I would feel very let down in boyfriend. What you are doing is admirable. But what he is doing, letting his family take advantage of him like this is just sad and feels hard to respect. Boyfriend's parents don't seem to love Boyfriend the way my parents love me. They are using him to make their life easier and happier, not caring about his life or his feelings. It feels very one sided.
    via u/TheHatOnTheCat
  • 16
    And the message Boyfriend is sending to OP is that he dosen't know how to say no, that he can't stand up for himself, and he can't stand up for their future together and their family together. His parents wants and feelings come first, whether or not they are fair, whether or not the destroy the plans he has made with OP. It seems to me he is letting OP down here.
    via u/TheHatOnTheCat
  • 17
    Again, if his parents were sick or something that would be different. Being lazy (and that's how this comes off to me?) is not a disease. My parents and my husband's parents worked past the age of 50. Pretty much everyone I know in an educated field has done so. Loving your family and being there for them is good, but being a slave to the older generation who does whatever they are told whether or not it is wise, fair, or kind is not good. At least to me it's a pretty serious problem. Being able
    via u/TheHatOnTheCat
  • 18
    weaderwabbit 10 hr. ago But mid 50's to retire early? You don't get to retire early when you blew your money.
    via u/weaderwabbit
  • 19
    Top-Art2163 9 hr. ago I was thinking the same. Work 5-10 more years and SAVE UP parents... The parents have taken care of them selfes probably been living good and acting stupid in economics and then they just pass the economic hardship on to their son, so they got to have money while they worked and money while retired and the son gets no money for starting HIS own family or his own retirement fond.
    via u/Top-Art2163
  • 20
    I get the culture thing. BUT I also see a leech, when I see a leech. I personally couldn't live with a wimp and have ended a living together relationsship over how much he let his father trample over him. Just not for me.
    via u/Top-Art2163
  • 21
    Ecstatic_Long_3558.5 hr. ago Exactly this! I'm almost in OPs parents age and retirement isn't on the horizon for at least 15 years. Even if it were, the days where you could have one salary for multiple people are gone. Does OP want to live paycheck by paycheck for 15, 20, 30 years because someone else doesn't want to take care of themselfes? It would be a deal breaker for me.
    via u/Ecstatic_Long_3558
  • 22
    Ferret_Brain. 5 hr. ago As someone from a similar cultural background, I'm actually kind of surprised his parents are okay with doing that. It's an expectation of us to take care of our family, sure, but what his parents have demanded of him would also culturally be viewed as quite selfish.
    via u/Ferret_Brain
  • 23
    You do that when you are unable to work, when you don't really have any other options, not when you're in your 50s and perfectly capable of still working. Or you do it when the child is question is so comfortable/set for life that the amount you're asking for is a relative drop in the bucket for them, not half their monthly paycheck.
    via u/Ferret_Brain
  • 24
    saintandvillian 11 hr. ago edited 9 hr. ago NTAA. Leave your boyfriend. If he makes more money they are going to ask for more. Let him burn himself out without sacrificing your future on him or his selfish parents. What happens if you have kids? What happens if you have an emergency? your boyfriend is willing to sacrifice his life...let him go.
    via u/saintandvillian
  • 25
    Asleep-Ask229 OP. 10 hr. ago They absolutely can still work which is what baffles me about all of this. His mom is a teacher and his father works a cushy corporate job, neither of which are extremely physically demanding for two healthy people in their mid 50's. His father's salary alone is probably more than my boyfriend and I's combined.
    via u/Asleep-Ask229

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boyfriend family drama entitled parents saving money immigrants money problems parenting girlfriend financial entitled parent money parents entitled people
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