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Working Mom Is Devastated After In-Laws Throw Her 2 Y/O Child a Surprise Birthday Party She Couldn’t Attend, Husband Refuses To Confront His Family About It

"I'm pregnant with our second now, and I'm sure I'm hormonal, so missing out on these memories she made might be affecting me more than it normally would…"

Posted by Lana DeGaetano
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  • In the first few years if your child's life, almost everything is considered a milestone. After all, they are learning how to function as a human, so every little thing they do is their first. If you're a working mom, it can be scary to be away from your little one when there are so many big events in your child's life that you can miss, simply because you're trying to put food on the table for everyone. This is what happens to the mom in this story because her in-laws threw she and her husband's child a birthday party without her knowing, and the mom doesn't know if she's overreacting.

    The woman expresses that she wasn't all that upset until she saw the photos from the 2-year-old's birthday party, which were filled with cupcakes and candles and big, happy smiles. The mom then expresses grief over the whole ordeal to her husband, who is understanding and apologetic until the mom mentions she wants to talk to the in-laws about it. Fighting ensues, and she is left feeling worse than before. You can find the entire story below, and some words of validation from fellow moms who understand her all too well.

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  • 1
    In-laws threw birthday party for my 2-yr old without me
    Via brsbeetsbsg
  • 2
    Since I'm a working mom, my husband takes my daughter (our first, almost 2 years old) usually every other week 1 1/2 hours away to spend the day with his mom and his sister's family while I catch up with work. This past
    Via brsbeetsbsg
  • 3
    visit, which happened about a week before her birthday, I get a text from his mom letting me know they had a mini surprise party for her. I felt a bit stunned by that because we were planning on scheduling a little
    Via brsbeetsbsg
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  • 4
    party for her with his side of the family soon (I do feel bad that we didn't reach out about that earlier; we are not known for being on top of things), and I was going to be there. I tried hard to not let it bother me - until I saw
    Via brsbeetsbsg
  • 5
    the photos they uploaded on our family's album. There she was with cupcakes and a candle with people singing the Birthday song, opening up presents, decorations and balloons, the whole shebang.
    Via brsbeetsbsg
  • 6
    This may be hitting me extra hard becuase she's my first child, and while she had a little family party when she turned 1, turning 2 is a more interactive and memorable event and I can fully communicate with her. A flood of
    Via brsbeetsbsg
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  • 7
    emotions came to me: I hadn't had the chance to talk to her about the fact that she's turning 2, or what a birthday was, or how to blow out candles, and I missed seeing her excited face when she blew the candle out for the first
    Via brsbeetsbsg
  • 8
    time or opened her presents... and to make my emotions worse, I realized that she experienced an important family event that "Mommy wasn't attending because I was working" and that broke me down. I never want to
    Via brsbeetsbsg
  • 9
    be that mom, and I explained to my husband that I would have sacrificed half the work day to drive over there and be a part of the event had I been told. The party was a surprised to him, too,
    Via brsbeetsbsg
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  • 10
    and he was very apologetic and supportive until it became clear that I wanted him to talk to his family to let them know to please have communication next time so I have the chance to be there.
    Via brsbeetsbsg
  • 11
    I'm pregnant with our second now, and I'm sure I'm hormonal, so missing out on these memories she made might be affecting me more than it normally would, and I keep telling myself that I'm overreacting to the hurt, but looking at those photos feels like an absolute gut punch.
    Via brsbeetsbsg
  • 12
    Yesterday, we had a really painful fight about it when I found out my husband plans to wait two more weeks so he can bring it up to them in person, and I mentioned that I worried letting too much time pass could make things seem worse. My husband
    Via brsbeetsbsg
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  • 13
    accused me of wanting his mom and sister to feel bad (despite me suggesting he bring it up casually, using phrases like "she felt a little bummed, so let's just have communication next time" to keep them FROM feeling bad)
    Via brsbeetsbsg
  • 14
    and said I was being "punitive," and at one point told me angrily that these were "nice people who did a nice thing and you want them to feel crushed." I am riddled in guilt over how hurt I am
    Via brsbeetsbsg
  • 15
    about this and torn by doubt over whether it's worth bringing it up and risking hurt feelings but ensuring there will be communication next time, and just not saying anything.
    Via brsbeetsbsg
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  • 16
    AITA? I either need a slap in the face or support right now. ETA: I'm not angry at anyone over this. I know they had good intent. They just weren't thinking. I have a good relationship with my in-
    Via brsbeetsbsg
  • 17
    laws, and part of my struggle here is risking making them feel bad when they find out they accidentally hurt me. I just really want to make sure this never happens again without some sort of communication.
    Via brsbeetsbsg
  • 18
    cutestlastname . 21h ago NTA. I would be so furious and absolutely distraught over missing my child's birthday party. This isn't one of those little things you just let go without talking about- they threw your daughter a birthday party without communicating with or inviting her mom! I don't know how your husband isn't seeing your side here.
    Via cutestlastname
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  • 19
    HaveABucket 21h ago • I would be so hurt, and then the salt in the wound is your husband's reaction. I would reach out to your in laws directly and explain that, while you appreciate what they did for your 2yo you're incredibly saddened that you weren't giving even the option to be there for the celebration.
    Via HaveABucket
  • 20
    Your husband should be stepping up for you and I would note it that he didn't and isn't willing to have an uncomfortable conversation for you, but that is one battle. Directly address it with your in laws so you can control the narrative and he can't make it "when really "Wife was it was "Wife was hurt and has a reasonable ask for next big milestone"
    Via HaveABucket
  • 21
    IrieSunshine 20h ago . Are you kidding me???? Girl. I would be so angry. Livid. This is unacceptable and your husband needs to call them to talk about it, not make you wait two more long weeks for him to address it. Sounds like he's being a coward and he needs to step up. I'm so sorry this happened, you are not overreacting at all.
    Via IrieSunshine
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  • 22
    MamabearZelie • 21h ago I can't imagine a scenario where this is ok. I would be heartbroken. I think it's completely unfair and wrong for them to do that without you, or at the very least, ask you first. I'm so sorry.
    Via MamabearZelie
  • 23
    historyandwanderl... • 21h ago Your husband shouldn't have let them celebrate without you. As soon as he got there that day he should have called you to say there was a surprise party. But what's happened has happened. Personally, I would insist that he either talks to his family right away or he stops going without you.
    Via historyandwanderlust

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Dating-Relationships relationship advice drama married with children birthday mother relationship-drama motherhood moms reddit story marriage-drama relationships sneaky mommy Party happy birthday relationship feud mother in law Reddit mom children

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