Woman Refuses to Adopt Her Husband's Affair Children, Causing Turmoil with her In-Laws and Family of Affair Partner

Advertisement
  • 01
    r/AITAH u/Scaredy Cat1122 • 1d WIBTA for refusing to raise my husband's affair children now that he and the woman he cheated with passed away?
  • 02
    Sorry for using a new account, I know that's a red flag, but I don't want to risk using my old reddit account. My (45F) husband (49M) of 23 years had an affair with a twenty-years old girl since 2020. I found out this year when his affair partner gave birth to twin boys in March. Obviously we were going to divorce. We've been hashing things out since, it's been a lenghty process due some properties in common and we needed to get an accountant since he used the shared account for his affair. Fina
  • 03
    By some miracle the twin babies were not harmed in the crash. Now they are orphaned and neither set of grandparents can take them in permanently. My husband's parents are both in assisted living, he has no siblings and the only aunt that could take them refuses. She's been childfree her whole life. On the woman's side, I'm not sure the details in full, but her parents are also not able to be involved long term and the one sister she has lives overseas.
  • 04
    Since we were still married and he had not updated his will, all his assets are set to pass to me and our two children. I'm not callous enough to leave those babies with nothing, so I agreed to let whoever is their legal guardian to have the remaining balance in the shared account. About twenty-five thousands in savings.
  • 05
    The issue is no one wants to take them in. Now my in-laws are pressuring me to take them in and raise them. The issue is, I don't want to. At all. I wouldn't love them and I don't want to be the evil stepmother. But I know a big part of me will always have a level of resentment towards them. I will probably favor my own children.
  • 06
    It's not their fault, but I truly loved my husband and I thought we were happy before I found out about the affair. We have two daughters (14 and 16). Obviously we had disagreements, but never insulted each others before. Then I found out about the affair and he began calling me names and blaming me for his cheating. He became abusive and even tried to kick me of the house, my childhood home that is not shared property for the record. I'm also raising teenagers alone now. I don't have the energy
  • 07
    My daughters hate their baby brothers. I tried to get them to spend time with their dad as we were divorcing, but they refused. Since this all was found out because of the babies, there wasn't really a way to sugar coat the situation. And they are also too old to really get away with it. Most of my friends agree its not my place to care for those children, but my in-laws, the affair woman's parents and my mother want me to raise them. I know my mom is just having grandkids' fever, but it hurts t
  • 08
    I have to make a decision by next week or the boys will be going into foster care. At the moment they are temporarily placed with their maternal grandparents. I feel horrible, but I am very sure I I can't take them in. WIBTA if I refused to take them in?
  • 09
    Small update: Hey everyone, this blew up far more than I thought, and I appreciate the well wishes for my girls, the boys and myself. Also for the amount of lovely people offering to see about giving the twins a good home. I might not be their mother, but it does touch me and makes me glad there's good people out there.
  • 10
    After thinking carefully and speaking to my lawyer, reading responses, doing research, etc. I plan to speak to the grandparents tomorrow and refuse to take legal guardianship of the boys. I will let them know of the usernames of people that offered meeting for private adoptions or fostering, but my daughters are my priority. It'll be up to the twins' grandparents to decide if they'll proceed with adoption, keep them, or turn them to the state. I wish I had the mental capacity to be the person to
  • 11
    I'll also be talking to the lawyers to figure out if the boys have any inheritance claim properly. If they do, I'll separate it and leave it to the lawyers to do what they need to do for them to have access when its best. If they don't, I'll find a way to ensure they have access to the 25k I was going to give them since the beginning. I won't do more, however. My moral compass might be biased, but I don't believe I'm obligated neither morally nor legally to do more than what the word of law says
  • 12
    Affectionate-Low5301 1d No. You are not the AH here and as infants, the babies will likely find adoptive parents quickly. As far as your MIL and FIL, they have no business expecting you to spend the next two decades raising your cheating spouse's children. As callous as it sounds, either place them for private adoption if your state allows it or for public adoption. Then get on with raising your daughters and dealing with whatever grief you have regarding his death. Reply 17.4k
  • 13
    JediFed⚫1d Nothing callous about putting the children in a good home. That is what a responsible parent would do in this situation. OP didn't make the babies. OP has good reason not to be involved with the babies, and OP has no responsibility in this situation to care for the babies. Put them up for adoption, let them go to a good home and be spoiled by their new parents. I would argue that OP has no responsibility to give them 25k either. I would put my effort into finding them a good home with
  • 14
    ElkHistorical9106 • 1d NTA - it is FAR better to have a parent that loves them. If she cannot, she would be the taking in kids she would resent. 75
  • 15
    No_Arugula8915. 1d Not mention, as someone completely unrelated to those babies, OP has zero legal rights or authority over them. Even if she wanted to take them, she doesn't have any legal rights to take them in, to take them to the doctor, to make decisions of any kind, take them on trips. Nothing. People around her need to get off her case about the whole darn thing. The grandparents or other blood related relatives need to step up. NTA OP. Not your circus. 64
  • 16
    mayd3r. 1d Does everyone forget that you're a single mom with two kids and they want to add you two more, and babies at that? Tell them to kick rocks. Edit: babies not toddlers. ... Reply 310.1k
  • 17
    OkExternal7904 • 1d They're only 5 months old if I read that correctly. Wouldn't it be great if some lovely couple who've been waiting and waiting to adopt could be considered to be their parents? It's very sad if they can't be with bio family, but that's how it worked out. They could still be loved and have a great life. OP, is not the 2.4k
  • 18
    Seaworthiness Due8650 • 1d Why should you feel horrible? Your late husband had an affair with a woman young enough to be his daughter. Their children are not your responsibility. You are responsible for your two daughters who now only have one parent. Your focus should on them. You don't have the time and energy for babies who are not even related to you. Your daily diaper changing days and midnight feedings are behind you. NTA. Anyone who claims that you are, should be given instructions of how
  • 19
    CinnamonBlue • 1d Who is telling you that you have till next week to decide? Others who aren't willing to take the boys don't get to you pressure you to do so. They have their reasons and you have yours. Yours are equally valid. YWNBTA Reply 193
  • 20
    Scaredy Cat1122 OP. 1d Next week is when the temporary placement ends so the kids will be taken unless a permanent arrangement is found. 139
  • 21
    TheFinalPhilter • 1d but my in-laws, the affair woman's parents and my mother want me to raise them. You should tell them no but the good news is nothing is stopping them from raising them that isn't stopping you NTA. Reply û 72 ♡

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article