Woman’s Best Friend Refuses To Be Her Maid of Honor and Continuously Neglects Their 10-Year Friendship, Is Considering Uninviting Her From the Wedding

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Aug 30, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Friendships are fragile things. On the one hand, we hope that friends we've known for years will always prioritize our needs and nurture the friendship, but we also don't want to confuse the length of the friendship with being a good friendship. Time does not always suggest closeness or safety, so it's important to understand when we should put our foot down. Just because you've known your best gal pal for 10 years does not mean they are your friends for life. The way our relationships stay alive is through constantly getting in touch, seeing each other, and nurturing the relationship through the good and the bad. 

The woman in this story is dealing with some heartwrenching friendship problems. She recently moved and was hoping that she and her friend would switch off visiting one another due to the distance. The friend has not visited her once nor met her fiancé. Even when the woman offers to pay (a small price) for their girly outings, the friend complains about finances and writes her off. This friend, though, can manage to do similar outings with her boyfriend instead of the woman. The icing on the (wedding) cake: the woman asked the friend to be her Maid of Honor, and the friend argued that would be too much work. Even when the woman asks her to be a bridesmaid (which calls for fewer responsibilities) the friend doesn't answer her. Wondering if the friendship has finally run its course, the woman is reconsidering having the friend at her wedding at all. 

Scroll to read the rest of the story, including some comments raising the OP up from a dark place.

Advertisement
  • 01
    What I'm getting at is it just hurts when she tells me about everything they do together but says going to the zoo doesn't sound like fun, even when it's my birthday and I offer to pay. I asked
    via Pawel Czerwinski
  • 02
    AITAH for not wanting to invite my best friend to my wedding?
    via lumpy_pig
  • 03
    Hi! This is my first post and I tend to ramble so bear with me. (If you don't care for backstory, jump 6 paragraphs to 'now the main reason')
    via lumpy_pig
  • 04
    My best friend (28F) and I (29F) have been friends for about 10 years. We became close in college and have been each other's person ever since. I'm not so sure anymore recently. She's been there through SO many of
    via lumpy_pig
  • 05
    my life/mental health problems. Her family let me live with them when I had nowhere else to go until things were better. I'd go with them on vacation every year, she and I have even gone across the country together. I love her, she's like my sister.
    via lumpy_pig
  • 06
    And I get that lives change, people change, we're constantly growing. But there have been a few things about this friendship that have been eating at me.
    via lumpy_pig
  • 07
    Given what's happened recently (which will be explained), I can't tell if it's just me and I'm in my head, or if this friendship is reaching its course and I need advice.
    via lumpy_pig
  • 08
    Reflecting, I've always been the one to drive everywhere. When I lived in the same state as her it was much easier. Now we're older and I live one state over, about a 2.5 hour drive (can be anywhere to 6 hr round trip with
    via lumpy_pig
  • 09
    traffic). It's a lot of driving just to go and hang out. In the 3+ years since I've moved, she hasn't come to see me once or even meet my fiancee. I go see her on every birthday, holiday, etc. that passes and it's always the same: we sit in the kitchen and basically do nothing.
    via lumpy_pig
  • 10
    We used to go to concerts and have cute friend dates and whatever. Prices have gone up, nobody understands that more than me. Planning something these days practically costs an entire paycheck. But lately, she's
    via lumpy_pig
  • 11
    been saying the stuff I ask to do doesn't sound fun or she can't afford it, even when I offer to pay for everything. Then she'll turn around and go do the same stuff with her boyfriend.
    via lumpy_pig
  • 12
    What I'm getting at is it just hurts when she tells me about everything they do together but says going to the zoo doesn't sound like fun, even when it's my birthday and I offer to pay. I asked to do something out and
    via lumpy_pig
  • 13
    away from her house because 1. I didn't invite her boyfriend and didn't want him to come (they're very co-dependent and always together. I haven't hung out with just her since before they started dating) and 2. money is tight for
    via lumpy_pig
  • 14
    me too but I still wanted to do something fun and the zoo is exactly halfway between both our houses. Instead, I ended up driving the 2.5 hours to her house to sit there with her and her boyfriend then leave and be in 3 hours of traffic.
    via lumpy_pig
  • 15
    Our lives have changed. Our priorities have changed. I understand not to expect anything from anyone. No one owes me anything it just would be nice if subjects and things I do receive the same enthusiasm that I give out if any at all.
    via lumpy_pig
  • 16
    Now the main reason. This part might get recognized and if it does, it does. This is a throwaway account but her boyfriend scrolls so whatever. I'm getting married! I've never been happier or in a healthier relationship before. It's
    via lumpy_pig
  • 17
    not going to be very big, maybe under 100 people (this is important). I've always wanted the ceremony, walking down the aisle, bestie at my side type of thing. It's what I've dreamed of. And I've never been close to any friends growing up so without a doubt, I want her to be my maid of honor.
    via lumpy_big
  • 18
    It's nobody's obligation. It's not something I'm forcing on anyone but I wanted her at my side. I wanted to ask her face to face because I feel like this is an in- person conversation to have. I
    via lumpy_pig
  • 19
    was going to make it all cute and bake her a cake and ask if she wanted to be my MOH. I'm really glad I ran out of time because with her reaction, it would have just been embarrassing.
    via lumpy_pig
  • 20
    When I asked, her reaction was "Isn't that the role that requires a lot of work?" To stop my jaw from hitting the floor I said "No, no not really. I mean maybe a shower or dinner or something but not even because I don't have that many people."
    via lumpy_pig
  • 21
    Best friend "No, that feels like too much work and stress." I followed up by asking if she'd like to be just a bridesmaid instead and I won't have an MOH because I just wanted her to be up there with me at the end of the day. She didn't answer me.
    via lumpy_pig
  • 22
    This was an in-person conversation and she ignored me to the point I had to change the subject. It hurts to still think about. Not everyone wants to be in that type of light, I totally understand this. I never thought I'd be, but I get to marry the love of my life and I don't get to go through this with my best friend? I'm just really stuck.
    via lumpy_pig
  • 23
    She hasn't shown any type of interest besides the general 'I'm so happy for you' message on our engagement photos and I really need outside eyes on this. I love her, I wanted her to be there but this has given me such an ick, I don't know where to go from here. I sort of don't even want her there anymore. Am I being an about this?
    via lumpy_pig
  • 24
    I don't even know if putting this on here is a good idea but I need advice. If you have any questions, just ask I have a habit of starting with one thought and it goes off into another. (And I'm sorry if this is too long? I couldn't put it any other way without explaining what was needed)
    via lumpy_pig
  • 25
    Nisi-Marie 17h ago She may be YOUR best friend, but you are not HER best friend. Both her actions and her words are screaming it. Love yourself and step away.
    via Nisi-Marie
  • 26
    • pmousebrown 17h ago Sounds like your friendship has run its course or maybe her boyfriend doesn't like. sharing her attention. If you want, invite her to be a guest, not a bridesmaid, if she comes you can still share the day. If she doesn't you'll know the friendship is over.
    via pmousebrown

Tags

friendship aita besties friendship advice entitlement wedding party wedding drama friends askreddit reddit story aio mean girls wedding entitled reddit thread Reddit entitled people friendship feud Maid Of Honor
Scroll Down For The Next Article