Foster parents pressure 16-year-old foster kid to change his name from Ryder to Ryan, claims his name is too lewd: 'They would like me to strongly consider it so I could have the chance at a professional future'

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    AITA for not being open to the idea of changing my first name like my foster parents suggested?
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    I'm (16m) a foster kid. I was taken from my mom 3 years ago because she's not doing good mentally and it wasn't considered safe for me to live with her. My current foster parents are the ones I hope to stay with until I turn 18. They're the best I've had and I bounced around a lot, especially in my first year. But there's something that has come up and now I'm wondering.
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    So my name's Ryder. My foster parents don't outright say they hate it. But I think I saw my foster mom cringe at my name before. My foster dad asked me when we first met what my middle name was and I guess that wasn't a name they liked either. So they call me Ry and I think sometimes they tried to say my name's Ryan instead of Ryder.
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    A month ago they had asked me if I had ever considered changing my first name when I turn 18 to something more sophisticated sounding. They even said Ryan could be an idea since it's so close and they share a nickname. I told them I liked my names and didn't ever think of changing them. They didn't say any more then but a week later they told me they had thought a lot about my future and they worried my name would be something that holds me back. My foster mom said it sounds so lewd when said fa
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    importance of a name, of naming babies for adult life instead of being cute or fun as kids. They told me they couldn't make me do it, which I knew, but they would like me to strongly consider it so I could have the chance at a professional future and being taken seriously. They said they would hate to see me passed over for jobs because of my name. And that they feel like a much older me won't find the name as cool as I do now. They asked if I trusted them and I said yeah and they said if I do,
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    I told them I was really never going to be okay with that. I felt like it was a waste of time and would get me stuck with some name I wouldn't like. They asked why I was so okay with dismissing future me and why could I not try, when they were doing all they could to help me. I could tell it really got to them that I was still so against it. AITA?
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    Ok-Bee-2222. 1d Hi Ryder, Sorry for the tough intro to life but proud of you for still kicking. While I think life is best lived with an open mind, there are certain things that we are just not comfortable or open to. Something as personal as your name is definitely one I see as being a pretty strict boundary. You're allowed to pick and choose what you would want to be named once you're 18 but it sounds to me like you prefer the name you already have and the connection that it provides for you.
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    the best life you have known so far, you don't have to give in to the pressure of pleasing every aspect of them. You're young and will put your foot down many times in life but this can be a good starting point. As for any concerns you may have job wise, I wouldn't let those sit for too long. While maybe many years ago different names could have been part of a reason why people wouldn't get hired, although hard to believe at times, the world is constantly evolving and growing to be more inclusiv
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    I also disagree very much that you deciding not to change your name is in turn dismissing future you. I think it's the complete opposite. I believe future you will be happy and satisfied that you stuck to who you believe you are the name you like. No one can foresee every problem in the future and while I can't promise you some random mean person won't ever poke fun at any unconventional name, you starting early and deciding that you know what you like and trusting in yourselves as opposed to ju
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    No-Bit-8137 OP. 1d Honestly, I hated being taken from my mom and wish I could go back. She was sick and not the most stable but our home was still pretty happy and I know she loved me and I loved her. But I'm not allowed to go back. At least since entering foster care this is the best place I've been in and it's not even close in terms of competition. The funniest part of this to me is my life with mom was way better than the short time I spent with most of the foster families I was placed with.
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    Ok-Bee-2222 • 1d Don't be so hard on yourself, you've been put into multiple homes and finally found one that treats you the way you deserve, you're just a kid. A nice kind home is the bare minimum with foster parents who at least respect your wishes. I'm sorry you still aren't with her but everything in life happens for a reason. Think ahead of time what you might say if it helps but honestly just sit them down or casually during dinner just bring it up to them and tell them You have seriously
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    00 Normal-Height-8577 • 1d Agreed on all points. Also, it's not a one-time offer. There is no deadline that OP is going to miss and they have to pressure him to get it done. If at some point in the future OP realises that he is missing out on jobs or doesn't like his name any more, then...he can sort it out then. When it's an actual problem and not a theoretical problem that only his foster parents can see.
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    . Usrname52 • 1d Craptain [188] Is there any chance you will be able to go back to your mom? I hate to say it, but be very careful in the future with the mindset of "this is the best place I've been". I'm glad that you are somewhere safe now, and that you are mostly treating you kindly. (Them trying to take away your name/ identity is not kind). But a lot of people with tough upbringing will jump into relationships and situations because they are "better" than past experiences....even when not g
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    No-Bit-8137 OP. 1d Not until I'm 18. But I do want to live with her again after I turn 18. I miss being with my mom. I know that this isn't great with the name stuff. But it is so much better than prior foster families. None of them are home. But my current foster parents and their home is the best I've had from foster care for sure. I know that can be dangerous thinking. I just don't want to go back to worse and I have seen that it can be real bad.
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    10S_NE1 • 1d Partassipant [1] I cannot understand what the foster parents consider "lewd" about the name Ryder. Ryder is a very common name for kids where I live, and it's absolutely, mainstream awesome compared to some of the stuff I've seen lately. Now, if his name were Moonbeam or Hashtag, sure, that could be an obstacle to being taken seriously someday but Ryder? Perfectly fine name.
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    . mangogetter • 1d Partassipant [1] Ryder "ride her" Absolutely a preposterous stretch, and says way more about the foster. parents than the name.
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    FlyFlirtyandFifty • 1d Hi Ryder, I work in Recruiting/Talent Acquisition, trust me when I tell you, hiring managers are barely even looking at the name when they look at the resume. They're looking at qualifications. You know what you can do for future you? Not let bouncing around in the foster system hold you back from deciding what you want in life and going after it with all your heart. Stay in school, pursue a higher education if that is what you want, but don't let a wobbly start discourage
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    Someone else suggested getting in front of the conversation with your family before they bring it up again. Tell them you really have given it some thought and you have made the decision to keep your name as it is for now. As another commenter suggested, tell them you will consider it again in several years if you feel like your future is actually being affected by your name, but for now you have made your choice and you would greatly appreciate if they would respect it. Definitely NTA.
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    NTA. coastalkid92 · 1d Craptain [186] While there is definitely something to be said about the trend of people naming their kids something a bit outlandish, Ryder is not an unheard of name. I've worked with Ryders who are in their 30s. Truthfully, this sounds more like them wanting to have the experience of naming a kid more than listening to your wants. All you need to say to them is that you're content with Ryder and if it poses an issue in the future, then you'll deal with it then.
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    No-Bit-8137 OP. 1d It could be. It could also be they seem to prefer more traditional names. They don't seem to have an issue with the names of their other foster kids. So maybe it's a little of both. Thanks for the support!
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    cadmium2093 • 1d Enthusiast [5] Nta. They shouldn't be pressuring you to change your name. Have you considered talking to your social worker? Or just sitting down and explaining to them that your name means a lot to you and this is a boundary for you.
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    No-Bit-8137 OP. 1d I don't want to bring my social worker into it. Don't want to start anything that could get me removed because when I say they are the better foster parents, it's not even close. I'm not going through the ones again. I'd prefer to just deal with this name It all just really makes me wish I could be back with my mom. I could try talking to them some more about my name. I'm not sure if it'll help but could be worth a shot.
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    kujoho⚫ 1d Ryder.....what a beautiful name. The only time a person should change their name is if they are unhappy with it, not if someone else is unhappy with it. You like your name. Keep it.
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    DamnltToElle • 1d I come from a long line of rednecks who gave their children horrible names in the 80s and 90s. One of my cousins shares their name with a type of sushi, several others have names that at the time were only associated with strippers. You know how they're doing in 2024? Just fine. They work in diverse fields where they are respected, are upstanding citizens, and only ever get polite compliments on their names. It's not 1950- I know several doctors with untraditional names, severa

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