Husband misses the birth of his child, is upset that wife lords it over him whenever they argue: 'I told her she needs to get over that'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 16, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

There are a few events in life that you probably shouldn't miss. The first day of school, your wedding, and the birth of your child… if you can help it. Those things happen once and never happen again, so to miss them is a little worse than missing an episode of Succession (although there's really no excuse for that either). But sometimes life just gets in the way, and the universe has other plans for you. 

But where is the line on what is acceptable to miss and what isn't? How far does an excuse go? We all know that you get a few freebies for blowing things off, we've all told people we're sick when really we just don't want to go. But when one husband missed the birth of his child for seemingly understandable reasons, the internet was split about what the wife's reaction should have been. Read on for the story and see what you think.

Advertisement
  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10404778240
    via Vitaly Gariev
  • 02
    AITA for telling my wife that she needs to get over me missing the birth of our daughter
    via u/Key_Atmosphere6114
  • 03
    I work in a job where they are certain times that I do not have access to my phone or II am in the middle of nowhere.These times are well scheduled in advance and basically take up my whole day. There are a ton safety regulations I have to follow during this time.
    via u/Key_Atmosphere6114
  • 04
    My wife was pregnant and at the time I planned to take off work near her due date. Unfortunately she went into labor early (about a month early) and I was on an inspection. I only learned about her going into labor when I got signal again. By the time I got to the hospital she has already given birth.
    via u/Key_Atmosphere6114
  • 05
    This was about a 1.5 years ago and I am involved father. The issue is every single time we have an argument she will bring up I missed the birth. It happens almost every single time form serious arguments to what fastfood should we get. Today was my breaking point, we got into an argument about her wanting to change the daycare situation. She wants to change daycare to one closer to the home. I do drop off and she does pick up. The only one closer to our home is too expensive and we can not affo
    via u/Key_Atmosphere6114
  • 06
    In the middle of the argument she pulled out I wasn't there for the birth again. I told her she needs to get over that and stop using it in every argument we have. She called me a and left. ΑΙΤΑ
    via u/Key_Atmosphere6114
  • 07
    SkykingThrGreat • 1h ago NTA but I wouldn't have brought it up at that moment, during the heat of an argument. I would wait till after things cooled down and talk to her and say how hurtful it is that she keeps bringing that up and that she knows that you had no control over it. If she keeps trying to use it against you, that'd be a more serious conversation.
    via u/SkykingThrGreat
  • 08
    Feelinggross99 • 47m ago INFO: Did she have anyone with her during the birth? Did baby have to stay in hospital after birth for more than a few days? I ask because I was like your wife. In a way I still am, but I've talked about it both to a therapist and my ex that missed the birth. It's scary and I'd hazard a guess a little
    via u/Feelinggross99
  • 09
    traumatic too. That doesn't mean she gets a free pass to throw it in your face at every disagreement. BUT if she's still hurting from it, don't expect it to go away with one conversation. NTA and I hope you guys can get through it together.
    via u/Feelinggross99
  • 10
    • Key_Atmosphere6114 OP · 50m ago Her mom was there. Baby was pretty healthy and only stayed an extra day since she was born early
    via u/Key_Atmosphere6114
  • 11
    twelvedayslate • 43m ago Info: does your work not have an emergency on site person that can be reached in case of... well, emergency?
    via u/twelvedayslate
  • 12
    Key_Atmosphere6114 OP 38m ago She didn't call my company, we do and they can contact me but she didn't call them
    via u/Key_Atmosphere6114
  • 13
    ShutUpMorrisseyffs 53m ago • Have you thought about couples therapy? She has unresolved anger towards you. I think you need a professional to sort this out.
    via u/ShutUpMorrisseyffs
  • 14
    C_Majuscula 50m ago . NTA. This is the definition of both "not fighting fair" and "concealing the real issue." You didn't miss the birth due to negligence or apathy, you missed it due to work requirements. Work is what (I assume) provides income and other necessities. Does she think you should have predicted early labor and what, quit your job?
    via u/C_Majuscula
  • 15
    I recommend counseling to hopefully work past this because her continuing to bring it up for this long is a sign that something else is really the issue. Does she not want you working that job? Is she deflecting from some other marital issue? Does she think you aren't involved enough?
    via u/C_Majuscula
  • 16
    cascadia1979 53m ago . NTA. You had made plans to be there but due to your job you had no way of knowing that the baby came early. While it's understandable for her to have wished you could be there, she needs to accept that it's not your fault, that there was nothing you could have done.
    via u/cascadia1979
  • 17
    And more importantly, she really should not be constantly bringing this up anytime you two have an argument. Marriage counseling might help but ultimately this is entirely on her. She needs to accept how things went down on the day of the birth. Or if she can't accept it then she should divorce you. But she can't just continue with this weird middle ground where she keeps raising this.
    via u/cascadia1979
  • 18
    GimmeUrNachos 54m ago • It sounds like you need to get to the REAL root of her issue. Of course she is upset you missed it, but even she certainly understands it was unavoidable! There's something else going on and perhaps some couples counseling can help. Or a real sit own conversation and talk it out an ask why she brings it up all of the time. It's either an effort to hurt and gaslight you or there is something deeper. Just sounds mean.
    via u/GimmeUrNachos
  • 19
    pickensgirl 34m ago • She has weaponized her offense. She fully understands how much it meant for both of you to be there. Now she's playing on those emotions. Hoping to use them to guilt you into doing what she wants. This is no longer about you missing the birth but about what she wants winning the day. This is a very toxic reoccurring behavior.
    via u/pickensgirl
  • 20
    In a calm moment you need to approach her and tell her calmly that what she's doing is harming your marriage. That every time she brings that up in the future you will immediately walk away from the conversation. You refuse to be manipulated. Then you need to stick to this plan. Don't yell. Don't scream. Just walk away. She needs to understand that this gets her nowhere with you and that you refuse to participate in conversations where she uses guilt or shaming as a weapon to bludgeon you into c
    via u/pickensgirl
  • 21
    She needs to stop. If she finds herself unable to stop she needs therapy. Individually or couple's therapy could be very helpful in navigating how to remove this unhealthy behavior.
    via u/pickensgirl

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

childcare Babies healthy marriage aita infant moms marriage-drama parenting dad cute kids pregnant reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
Scroll Down For The Next Article