Man Holds Onto Grudge 15-years After Wife’s Infidelity, He Considers Divorce After His Kids Are Grown Up

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    r/AITAH • 3 days ago Financial Plantd AITAH for considering leaving my wife who cheated on me 15 years ago now that our kids are in college?
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    My wife cheated on me 15 years ago, her affair lasted a couple of weeks. I was really hurt at the time, but we also had twin daughters who were 3, and for me, my kids were my utmost priority, and I did not want them to struggle at all.
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    So I decided to stay with wife, who followed all the reconciliation steps. It took me a couple of years to regain my love for my wife after she spent a lot of effort to better herself and our relationship. However, I had never forgotten the affair, and my wife cheating on me was always on the back of my mind.
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    It's been 15 years now, and our marriage is not without its ups and downs, but we've also gone on vacations, do date nights often, and our relationship is still pretty romantic. Our daughters turned 18 a few months ago, and they are both in university now. I am really proud of both of them and could not be happier.
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    But now that they're both in college, and now that they're independent and entering adulthood, I have been seriously considering the possibility of a divorce. As a parent, I think I have done my job, and have done my best to raise them in a loving home. I do love my wife, and if I ask her for a divorce, it will completely blindside her. But I
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    still haven't forgotten my wife cheating on me 15 years ago, and it will always be on the back of my mind as long as we're married. Would be I the AH for considering divorce?
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    • julialopesfit 3d ago Before taking a definitive step, it might be helpful to ask yourself if you've had an honest conversation with your wife about how you still feel about the infidelity, even after so many years. She might not be aware that
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    the pain is still there, and having a truthful talk could shift the course of your relationship. After so many years, both of you have changed and grown, and maybe this conversation could lead to a new phase of understanding and mutual support. Otherwise, if you
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    choose to move forward, you will have done so with clarity
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    princessauroraaa • 3d ago Wow, this is such a tough situation. First off, you're definitely not the AH for having these feelings 15 years is a long time, but emotional scars don't have an expiration date. You've clearly been a dedicated father and partner, but it's
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    also okay to acknowledge that certain things have been weighing on you for years. However, if your wife truly has been committed to rebuilding the relationship and you've had 15 good years together, blindsiding her now might feel like a betrayal in itself. It might be
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    worth considering counseling to sort through these feelings before making such a life-changing decision. You owe it to yourself and to her to explore if there's any way to find peace with the past. Ultimately, your happiness matters too, but transparency is key if you're
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    thinking about leaving. It's a complicated situation, but whatever you decide, make sure it's what you genuinely need to heal and be happy.
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    • Wo... 3d ago • Edited 3d ago Idk man... this is a tough situation and I feel for you, but you need to run this by a professional.
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    My completely unqualified recommendation? At least consider the possibility that you're using the cheating to self-rationalize a normal 15- year-itch (it's literally been 15 years! And you just became empty nesters).
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    "It really hurt at the time" "Took a couple of years to regain my love for my wife" "Our relationship is still pretty romantic" And you keep using the word "forget" (I haven't been able to forget) rather than "forgive"
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    I DON'T think you've been lying to your wife through gritted teeth for 15 years (because that would be sociopathic, and just based on statistics, I don't think you're a sociopath). I think you got past it, are going through a midlife crisis/are ready to bounce, and you're trying to cash in an unused
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    credit in your ledger. Not to mention, that credit (from back when your college- aged daughters were still in diapers) has depreciated.
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    Who the knows. Not me. But probably not you either (it's really tough to be objective and self interrogate). This is exactly what therapists are for - find an unbiased neutral party who's trained to deal with this stuff
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    killerbee9100 3d ago My mom told me, "you don't have to stay, but if you do stay, you have to be all in and learn to forgive." I don't have an ah judgement, but I think you should've left 15 years ago if you weren't going to forgive
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    you weren't going to forgive her. Not really for her sake, but for you and your children's sake.

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