Foster parents demand that 12-year-old foster child constantly cooks and cleans for them, get offended when she doesn't want to help them out of debt as a 32-year-old adult: 'After the way they treated me, they have no right to ask for anything'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 27, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Being a foster kid isn't easy. Unless you get really lucky, there is a high likelihood you will spend a lot of your childhood bouncing between homes without the level of care that you deserve. Even those who manage to find a semi-permanent home are not guaranteed the best treatment. It can be a punishing system to go through.

This is something that one woman knows all too well after the ghosts of her foster childhood past came back to haunt her recently. At the age of 12, she was placed in a home with foster parents who treated her as their "live-in maid", a situation that she gladly escaped once she went to college. Now 32 and with a successful career in marketing, her so-called family called her expecting her to help them out of a tough financial situation. She refused, and they weren't happy. It's no surprise whose side the internet was on. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10409645824
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITAH for refusing to help my foster parents after they treated me like a servant?
    via Potential_Board_3015
  • 03
    I (32F) grew up in foster care, and after bouncing between homes, I ended up with a couple when I was about 12. At first, they seemed alright, but it didn't take long for me to realize that I wasn't really part of the "family". From the day I moved in, I was treated more like a live-in maid than a daughter. They'd make me do all the cleaning, cooking, laundry-you name it. I was the one who scrubbed the floors, cooked their dinners, washed their clothes... even had to iron them to their standards
    via Potential_Board_3015
  • 04
    They didn't even let me have a normal childhood. No after-school activities, no hanging out with friends, and forget dating. I was always told, "You're needed at home," like I was just there to serve them. If I didn't do a good enough job or if I missed something, they'd punish me by giving me more chores or they'd sometimes take food away.
    via Potential_Board_3015
  • 05
    Emotionally, they were just cold. They never gave me advice, never helped me with school, and certainly never encouraged me to do better. When I wanted to apply for college, I had to figure it all out on my own. They didn't even help me with applications or support me in any way. I always felt alone in that house.
    via Potential_Board_3015
  • 06
    But I worked my off to get out. I managed to go to college, get a good job in marketing, and now I'm doing really well for myself. I've moved on and tried to put it all behind me.
    via Potential_Board_3015
  • 07
    A few weeks ago, though, I got a call from my old foster parents. They're struggling now, apparently in debt, and they said they need financial help. They expect me to take care of them because they "raised me". I was furious. I told them after the way they treated me, they have no right to ask for anything. I owe them nothing.
    via Pontential_Board_3015
  • 08
    They got super upset, calling me ungrateful, selfish, and saying that all the "tough love" they gave me made me who I am today. They're even telling my foster siblings (who they treated way better, by the way) that I'm heartless for abandoning them. And now my foster siblings are piling on, saying I should help them out and that I'm holding onto the past too much. I don't know... I don't think I owe them anything, but maybe I'm being too harsh? AITAH?
    via Potential_Board_3015
  • 09
    InflationLove Sounds like they're still treating you like a servant, just asking for a different kind of help. You're not obligated to give anything, OP.
    via InflationLove
  • 10
    Potential_Board_3015 Thank you ... they still think I'm there servant but they are wrong....
    via Potential_Board_3015
  • 11
    MushyGirl89 Tell your foster siblings that if they feel so strongly, then they can take care of them. You're right. You owe those people nothing at all. Especially after how they treated you. They will never be your responsibility to care for.
    via MushyGirl89
  • 12
    zeugma888 Tell them they can come and do your laundry and scrub the floor.
    via zeugma888
  • 13
    InflationLove It seems that you are still being treated as a servant, even though they are requesting assistance in a new way. OP, you are under no need to contribute anything. Don't let them depress you; instead, keep moving forward.
    via InflationLove
  • 14
    Alicat52 NTA. I would also let the fostering agency know what they did and are continuing to do. They should not be allowed to foster any more children.
    via Alicat52
  • 15
    Thiicklolla NTA Your foster parents treated you like a servant, not a child, and gave you no real support. You owe them nothing now, especially after all their neglect. Your success is your own, not because of their "tough love." You're right to protect yourself, and you're not obligated to help people who mistreated you.
    via Thiicklolla
  • 16
    KickOk5591 NTA, they played a stupid game of 'let's treat our foster child like a slave' and won the stupid prize of 'Now they won't help us with financial assistance because of how we treated them'. Go full NC with them and the others. Tell them they're more than welcome to help out their parents with anything.
    via KickOk5591
  • 17
    Clingylola NTA Your foster parents treated you like a servant, not a child, denying you a normal upbringing and any emotional support. You worked hard to build a better life for yourself without their help, so you don't owe them anything now. Their claim that their "tough love" made you who you are is just manipulation, and you're right to refuse. You're not obligated to take care of people who mistreated you, no matter what your foster siblings say.
    via Clingylola
  • 18
    AdExtreme4813 Send them a bill for all the years of housework, then see what they say.
    via AdExtreme4813
  • 19
    Temptingbela ΝΤΑ You're not the a**hole. After being treated like a servant, it's reasonable to refuse financial help. Their request is manipulative, and you owe them nothing. Prioritizing your well-being is important, and you're protecting yourself from further harm
    via Temptingbela
  • 20
    LucyLoeTDW Gratitude can't be bought. Mistreatment doesn't get forgotten just because they need something now
    via LucyLoeTDW

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cleaning aita cooking housework kids foster maid debt chores family foster parents reddit thread Reddit fostering
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