'You aren't starving your children': Overstepping woman criticizes how brother-in-law feeds his children, calls it 'insanity' that they have more than 3 meals a day

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 5, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Feeding oneself is one of the hardest things we have to do as adults. You're telling me I have to wake up every day, decide what I'm going to have for breakfast, decide what I'm going to have for lunch, and then decide what I'm going to have for dinner? You have to be kidding. That's why some of us yearn for routine. We pre-make decisions so we don't have to make infinite decisions throughout the day. This is especially true when it comes to children. 

Feeding a kid, let alone more than one, is a full-time job. So as parents, you have to make a plan and stick to it. However, everyone has different ideas about how, when, and what to feed a child, like these two families, who clashed about the way they were feeding their kids. Read on for the story and decide if their reactions were justified. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10412261376
    via Tanaphong Toochinda

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITA for telling my SIL to practice keeping her opinions to herself because she doesn't get a say in how my kids eat?
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
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    I'm (30M) a stay at home dad. My wife (29F) and I have two kids together. Our oldest is 4 and our youngest is 18 months. I became the stay at home. parent when our oldest was born. My brother (36M) is married to SIL (39F) and they have five kids together between the ages of 4 and 10. SIL was
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
  • 04
    "stunned" when I became the stay at home parent vs my wife. She has a more "traditional" view of marriage and family and believes the mom is more important in the home than the dad and that the dad is more important as the provider. Stunned and traditional are her choice of words, just so you're aware.
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
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    So I always felt like she was more critical of me as a parent. Maybe not in clear ways before now but her attitude made me feel like she was watching closely to see if I was good enough.
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
  • 06
    The way my wife and I feed our kids is different to how my SIL and my brother feed their kids. SIL believes in 3 meals a day no matter what the age and nothing more or less. She believes that is the way it has been done for centuries and it works. My wife and I approach it differently. We feed the
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
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    kids smaller, more frequent meals and snacks. Because of this I carry around lunch boxes for both my kids that have foods they eat throughout the day if we go anywhere. And at home my wife. or I have stuff pre-made and ready to go. This means my kids eat little meals. or snacks every three-ish hours. Not large quantities but smaller and more. frequently than my nieces and nephews.
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
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    SIL thinks it's "insanity" and she has told me I make more work for myself and claims I'm trying to "be different because I'm a dad doing the primary caregiving". She told me I should practice doing things differently because in the real world this stuff won't work and preschool and school won't allow for this, which isn't true with the where we have chosen to send our kids to school. But she
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
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    doesn't want to hear that. I spoke to my brother about his wife's comments on the choices my wife and I made to feed our kids and how it's not helpful or needed. He said he knows but that it's just how she is. I told him if she keeps it up she will be told to shut up, maybe or maybe not in a nicer way. He just shrugged.
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
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    I hit this limit on Friday when SIL saw me out with the kids and my dad and FIL (the three of us grocery shop together some Fridays). She brought it up out of nowhere because she saw the bag I keep the lunch boxes in. She didn't even see them eat anything but needed to say something. She told me. I should practice better eating habits and I told her she should practice keeping her opinions to herself
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
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    because she doesn't get a say in how my kids eat and she doesn't get to open her big mouth about it every time she sees me now. She stormed off outraged and there have been multiple texts from her and my brother since. He's mostly just telling me what she's saying but she is big mad.
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
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    Kittenscute 4h ago • NTA • It just seems to me that SIL feels personally attacked by a man filling familial responsiblities traditionally done by women, and from the looks of it, doing a good job of it too. It's her problem, and she's trying to make it yours by nitpicking at your every action.
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
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    Neme... 4h ago Edited 3h ago • NTA, you need to do what works for you and she's overstepping. You never asked her opinion and she should not have given it. You did, however, open the door for our opinions, so I'm going to squeeze in my two cents. Feel free to ignore it.
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
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    Just make sure you also set them up for success for when they're not with you all of the time. There will be times when they're at a friend's house for a playdate, at school or, someday, at work, where immediate food gratification won't be an option.
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
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    You may also want to give them the opportunity to become hungry once in a while, if only so that they learn to listen to their body. Always eating before the hunger mechanism is triggered, or allowing it to trigger constantly could be a recipe for disordered eating later in life.
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
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    I'm not saying you have to upend their whole routine, just work in some times where they have to wait a bit longer every once in a while, and make sure their emotional and physical reactions are healthy.
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
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    singyoulikeasong . 4h ago. NTA you aren't starving your children so SIL needs to chill out. Now if you really want to go there just tell her if she's so into. traditional norms than perhaps she shouldn't as a woman speak to you that way since you are a man and would like to be shown respect as one, and in fact you are disappointed she is choosing to belittle you since it's not her place.
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
  • 18
    wxst3d • 4h ago • Nta- as long as they're getting the proper calories/ nutrients, it doesn't matter how they get there. Your SIL is weird for getting so mad about how you raise your own kids. Some people don't like to eat 3 hefty meals a day, which is okay.
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613
  • 19
    Spiritual-Sand-7831 • 3h ago. NTA. She wanted to comment on something that is none of her business and she got the consequence of doing that. Your choosing to feed your children frequent meals has absolutely nothing to do with her. As an aside, how lovely is it that you, your FIL and Dad go shopping together. That's so wholesome and it's great that your kids are getting the benefit of all of these male role models.
    via u/Even-Refuse-7613

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