Parents of the groom scold 19-year-old mom for bringing 2-year-old daughter to a child-free wedding after babysitter cancels on her: 'You shouldn't have brought a baby, especially when she doesn't fit the family'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Oct 7, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

Ask any parent about their experience of trying to find childcare, and they will probably have a horror story or two to tell you. Sadly, a reliable babysitter is not always easy to find, and it can have a real impact on work commitments and social life. Sometimes, it can leave moms and dads with no choice but to bring their kids where they might not be welcome, and the consequences of that are not always pleasant.

Children or not, weddings can be a hotbed of potential drama and the involvement of kids certainly doesn't help. This is what one young mom found out to her detriment after her babysitter canceled on her before she was due to attend a child-free wedding. Luckily, the bride was happy to let her 2-year-old attend the ceremony with her—it was just that her parents-in-law objected. After inappropriate comments were made, the mom asked the internet if she had been in the wrong. Inevitably, most people were on her side.

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    AITA for Bringing My Daughter to a Child-Free Wedding?
    via Flaky-Assumption4248
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    Hi everyone. I'm a 19-year-old mom to my beautiful 2-year-old daughter, Amelia. Just a bit of backstory: last year, I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a family friend's wedding. I was thrilled and immediately said yes, even though it was a child-free event. I had arranged for a babysitter, but about a week before the wedding, she informed me that she would no longer be in the city and couldn't watch my daughter.
    via Flaky-Assumption4248
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    Given the short notice, I approached the bride and asked if I could bring Amelia to the wedding, as I didn't have time to find another trusted babysitter. My daughter is overall a very easygoing baby—she's comfortable with people and happy as long as she's fed. The bride knew this since she'd watched my daughter on multiple occasions before, and she happily agreed, saying that having Amelia there would make the wedding photos even more special.
    via Flaky-Assumption4248
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    The wedding was going smoothly, though I noticed a few stares from the groom's parents. Amelia stayed with my sisters for most of the day, but during the reception, I took her with me to congratulate the couple. As I approached with Amelia in my arms, the groom's mother suddenly commented, "You shouldn't have brought a baby to a child-free wedding, especially when she doesn't fit the family."
    via Flaky-Assumption4248
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    I was completely taken aback. For context, my daughter is mixed―I'm half white and half Hispanic, and her father is Black. I've been called "white-washed" because I'm not in contact with my Hispanic family, so I knew exactly what she meant by saying my daughter didn't "fit the family."
    via Flaky-Assumption4248
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    The bride looked shocked, and the groom immediately stood up and led his parents away. Taking this as my cue, I decided it was time to leave. I made the rounds to say goodbye to everyone and put Amelia in her stroller. As I was leaving, the bride came over to apologize for her in-laws' behavior. I was upset, but I knew it wasn't her fault, so I simply wished her luck and left.
    via Flaky-Assumption4248
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    Now, about a week after the wedding, I got tagged in a Facebook post- strange, because I don't use Facebook. The post read: "I'm outraged that my grandchildren weren't allowed at this event, but when a teen mother who couldn't be responsible enough to leave her child with the father brings her baby, it's perfectly fine." The post was from the groom's mother. To make things worse, she's also been telling family members that I'm lying about what she said regarding my daughter's appearance. So now
    via Flaky-Assumption4248
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    Ambitioso ΝΤΑ Sounds like the groom's mother was upset by the 'no kids' policy and wrongly took it out on you... It also sounds like the groom's mother is a dimwitted racist dingus.
    via Ambitioso
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    haleorshine This is 100% what happened and I feel really bad for OP's friend here. OP is NTA (although coming into this post I thought it would be another story of "I had no other options so I did this against the couple's wishes" and was pleasantly surprised) and I can't even say the groom holds any blame, because there's not enough information here to know what he said to his mother when he led her away or what he did about the post. But the bride seemed to have been perfectly nice about the s
    via haleorshine
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    MonarchOfDonuts Oh, NTA. I opened this thinking I might vote differently--it's not cool to just swan into a child-free wedding with a kid--but you had responsibly made arrangements that fell through, then correctly asked for permission to bring your daughter. That permission was generously given by the bride. It was not the groom's mother's place to decide who could and could not attend. Given the nasty thing she said on that day, and the drama she's so determined to stir up online, it is very o
    via MonarchOfDonuts
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    RebeccaMCullen Dollars to donuts the groom's niblings are hellraisers that don't listen, meanwhile OPs kid has normal two year old reactions if overstimulated. OP went to the bride, and she and the groom were clearly okay with that specific child came, knowing that OP had found a babysitter and it fell through, and wanted OP and her siblings (potentially reasonable last minute babysitters) at the wedding.
    via RebeccaMCullen
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    weeman7007 I often think child free weddings come about because of specific nightmare children that the bride/groom know, it's far more fair and kind to make the whole wedding CF than it is to just exclude specific children from the event
    via weeman7007
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    duke 113 NTA. Bride said it was ok. And groom apparently agreed based on the fact he took his parents out of the situation. Those are the *only* two people who get a say
    via duke113
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    VoyagerVII This. I was all ready to vote against OP when I saw the headline, but the fact is that this wasn't technically a child-free wedding. The moment the bride and groom agreed to allow your child, it became a mostly-childfree wedding instead of a truly childfree one... because what defines the rules at a wedding is whatever the bride and groom say they are, within reason. If they say this particular child is an exception and is welcome, then that's how it is.
    via VoyagerVII
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    booboo773 NTA. You had child care that backed out. You cleared it with the bride who had no problem with it. This is absolutely none of the mother's business. I'm also guessing the child free rule was probably set because of mother of groom's grandchildren.
    via booboo773
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    Apart-Scene-9059 NTA: But tbh part of me really want to say NAH because I kinda think the grandmother is justified in being upset but she should have been upset with the bride and not you. Because it is a little messed up the grooms (i assume) nieces and nephews couldn't come but the bride's friend child can. sidenote: I am also curious if she simply meant your child isn't family and this wasn't about race.
    via Apart-Scene-9059
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    Expert-Bus9720 NAH, but if I was the mil I would have been upset. The kids who are related to the groom were not allowed to attend while some kid who is not related to the bride was allowed.
    via Expert-Bus9720
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    Needelz ESH - when you make the call for a child free wedding, everybody has to make the sacrifice. The bride and Groom shouldn't have given you an exception. Amelia should've stayed at your sister's away from the wedding. And the groom's parents just in every possible way.
    via Needelz
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    craftymama45 NTA. You did everything right. You don't need the grandmother's permission. I went to a shower once and asked the host ahead of time if kids were included or not, just so I could plan. She said they wanted child-free so it would be a more relaxed atmosphere. I totally understood and made arrangements for my husband and father to take my 2 young children to the zoo for the day. One of the cousins from the other side of the family spotted in on their way home from out of state and had
    via craftymama45

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