Mother-in-Law Demands Woman’s Father Pay to Attend Thanksgiving Dinner, Needlessly Excluding Him and Driving a Rift in the Family

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Oct 9, 2024 11:00 PM EDT

Welcome, tea-loving ladies. Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Personally, I wouldn't give it a thought until after Halloween has come and passed, but those who plan to host a large dinner with lots of guests and an extensive menu of home-made dishes, better start planning right away to be able to pull it off. Hosting a big dinner party for the holiday can end up being pretty pricey if you don't do it potluck-style, but the whole point of the holiday is to celebrate the beauty in being generous and in sharing. Asking for money from your Thanksgiving guests in and of itself is something of a faux pas, but demanding payment from only one specific guest is downright cruel and against the spirit of Thanksgiving.

In our story today, our protagonist's stingy mother-in-law demands payment if she brings her own father to Thanksgiving dinner, singling him out for seemingly no particular reason and making him feel unwanted. Below is our protagonist's plea for validation for thinking her MIL was being unreasonable. What do you think?

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  • 01
    TWO TAKE r/TwoHotTakes u/Swimming_Deer_6687.1d AITAH for thinking my MIL is being alittle ridiculous about having my dad pay to attend thanksgiving dinner?
    via u/Swimming_Deer_6687
  • 02
    Next Monday is thanksgiving (I live in Canada) and today while talking about thanksgiving I asked my MIL if my father could come My father lives alone my mom passed last year and he has no other family to celebrate thanksgiving with aside from me and I will be attending thanksgiving at my MIL
    via u/Swimming_Deer_6687
  • 03
    When I asked she made a face at me that honestly annoyed me cause it was not a very nice face that she made my reaction to her face was "I'm guessing no?" She then said he could if he contributed to the dinner by paying $20 This was so weird to me cause normally thanksgiving is my MIL, Brother-in law, sister-in law and her boyfriend and then me and my fiance, but this year my brother in law won't be home for thanksgiving so it's not like it's an extra mouth to feed then normal
    via u/Swimming_Deer_6687
  • 04
    She said it's cause things are more expensive but like I mentioned there's already one less person so technically my dad would take brother in laws place I don't think it's very fair or normal to make a family member pay to spend a holiday together like... If she also needed help with side dishes I have no problem taking on making a dish cause I was actually thinking of making a dish my mother used make for thanksgiving and Christmas cause it's a favourite she used to make
    via u/Swimming_Deer_6687
  • 05
    Idk am I overthinking this? I feel like my dad is I wanted and that hurts my feelings a lot since my dad is my only family and that he has to pay to be included just doesn't sit right with me AITA for being upset that my dad has to pay to be included?
    via u/Swimming_Deer_6687
  • 06
    ###EDIT/ADDITIONAL INFO ### Thought I'd add some more context and answer some questions? (Hope this is a helpful place for it?) . Why don't I host thanksgiving or Christmas with my MIL? Me and my fiance do own a small townhouse but it's not big enough to host anymore then 3/4 people total without being crowded
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  • 07
    Also my MIL is very picky eater and barely eats (me and my fiancé think his mom might have ARFID cause she fits the description perfectly) so when she cooks most of the food is eaten by everyone MIL is also someone that won't let you pay for her like she and my fiance have had arguments over letting her pay for us so it really feel like she's targeting my dad with this contribute thing
    via u/Swimming_Deer_6687
  • 08
    My dad is a retired dairy farmer (he retired last October) and for Christmas the grain supplier would give turkeys out for farmers and my dad would give them to my mother in law last couple Christmas's so it's not like he hasn't helped out in the past
    via u/Swimming_Deer_6687
  • 09
    My mom passed away January of 2023 and my parents were actually separated since I was like 10/11 years old (I'm currently 29 turning 30 this November) and my mom used to always do lunch for my dad on thanksgiving and Christmas (cause he was still farming when she alive till she was unable due to her illness)
    via u/Swimming_Deer_6687
  • 10
    Some people have asked what was my fiance's thoughts and reaction and her was sitting next to me when I asked my MIL about my dad I really want to try and talk with my MIL about this and that if she needs help with holiday dinners that I'm capable of bringing a dish to help her out 1,070 740
    via u/Swimming_Deer_6687
  • 11
    murphy2345678 • 1d Spend Thanksgiving with your dad. Ask your husband to stay home with you and your dad. Cook your mom's recipe. Reply 3.2k
    via u/murphy2345678
  • 12
    MannyMOSTL⚫ 1d You dont attend Thanksgiving with someone who doesn't Give Thanks. And making a family member pay for their meal? Is anti-thanksgiving. 1.5k
    via u/MannyMoSTL
  • 13
    Ecstatic_Long_3558. 1d I think that it's totally reasonable to think that the food has become expensive and that it's too much for one person/family to handle. But then you ask everyone to pitch in, by paying or bringing a dish. Not just one guest, especially not someone grieving their spouse. I would view my MIL in a very different light if she did something so cheap and uncaring. And I would spend the holidays with my father, not the in laws. 625
    via u/Ecstatic_Long_3558
  • 14
    Ok_Bit2704. 1d Seems like your MIL is not very compassionate. Have your own Thanksgiving at your house. You'll probably all be more comfortable. Reply 377
    via u/Ok_Bit2704
  • 15
    MsMinnie Jones • 1d Nope she's TA. Honestly I'd be tempted to skip her house and do something with just dad. Reply 455
    via u/MsMinnieJones
  • 16
    Tight-Shift5706 • 1d I agree, OP. Thanksgiving with Dad and your fiance. And as you give thanks, consider whether you wish to become related to the frugal ogre/ MIL. Watch how your fiance handles her. ← 96
    via u/Tight-Shift5706
  • 17
    candb82314 • 1d Wth 20$ going to cover? Seems petty. But yes I think your mil is very ridiculous. I would stay home with dad. ↑ ... ← Reply 503
    via u/candb82314
  • 18
    CommunicationTop7259 • 1d Yup. I would eat with my dad too 125
    via u/CommunicationTop7259
  • 19
    Hungry-Caramel4050. 1d Not only that, anytime she set foot in my house and eats/drinks something, I'm presenting her with a bill. "Everything is sooooo expensive". The petty me could never let it go. 252
    via u/Hungry-Caramel4050
  • 20
    Sith LordDarthSand. 1d match her petty and send a group text to that side of the family (anyone who would be/is attending): "hey all, just want to give you a heads up so everyone's in the loop, just heard from [MIL] that all guests will be expected to contribute $20 to the thanksgiving food fund. looking forward to celebrating this season of generosity and thankfulness with all of you. best, [OP]" watch the hit the fan. 89
    via u/SithLordDarthSand
  • 21
    Liverne_and_Shirley • 1d Don't subject your dad to your MIL. Don't allow MIL to treat you like this. Don't go to MILs and celebrate with your dad. Why would you fight or jump through hoops to be around someone like that? Clearly she's trying to make you both feel unwanted. But it's like "Oh noooo, I don't have to spend thanksgiving with someone so terrible, don't threaten me with a good time" Reply 192
    via u/Liverne_and_Shirley
  • 22
    flobaby1 • 1d Put yourself in your Dad's shoes. He needs Thanksgiving with his daughter. Do it at your home, please. Now put yourself in the MIL position. Would you ever do this to your DIL whose just lost her mother and her father is now alone on the holiday? If you give in to her, she has won and she will get worse in her demands.
    via u/flobaby1
  • 23
    If you do not go and have Thanksgiving at home, the message is clear. You will be respected or your family (you, your husband) will not attend anything. Honestly, your husband needs to tell his mother that he now sees her in a new light that is not flattering and he is embarrassed by her demands and lack of empathy. As a parent, I pray you show your Father the love he deserves. You only have so many Thanksgivings left to enjoy with him OP. UpdateMe Reply 252
    via u/flobaby1
  • 24
    perplexedparallax • 1d I am a widower who has a daughter with a mother- in-law. If I was asked to pay for a holiday dinner with my daughter I am pretty sure she would boycott along with the fact I would not attend, my son-in-law would probably boycott too and things would get unpleasant. I paid for her son's wedding. No, you are not TAH and your husband should support you as my son-in-law would. Fortunately his mom and I are on good terms. The irony is I would offer to help pay when I was there
    via u/perplexparallax

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