“We’re not a family”: 17-year-old son refuses to meet bio mom after she neglected raising him, she tries to force him to be older brother to his new stepsiblings

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
May 16, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome back queens and kings. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. And when life takes away your lemons, you find whoever took them from you, and you squeeze them into an open wound on them. Just kidding. Family dynamics are never easy, and even the most put together families on the outside have their flaws. Everyday is a new opportunity to be a better person than you were the day before. Some people strive to be better all the time, and they practice rituals for themselves, and healthy ways of life, such as working out, therapy, seeing friends, or meditating. Some people just choose not to work on themselves though, and years go by and they remain the same. They don't change, they don't become a better person, and it can be difficult to keep people like that in one's life. It can be even more difficult if it's a parent. 

In the story below, the narrator is a 17-year-old boy who was raised by his father after his mother threw in the towel on parenting. Now that he's older, she's remarried and her new husband has children from a previous marriage. She now wants her bio son to play older brother to her new stepchildren but he refuses. 

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to meet my bio mother's husband and kids and saying no to any kind of relationship or contact with them?

    Cheezburger Image 10505571328
    via Africa images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (17m) was raised by my dad. My bio mother wasn't ready or whatever and gave me to dad to raise at birth. She lived about an hour from us so I saw her around but she never talked to me. When I was little I would try to wave or speak to her and she didn't want to
    via u/JadSonSixx

  • This mother can't actually have any expectations for her son to give himself to be a good big brother to people he's never met. She needs to understand that she was the one who abandoned him, and that it's unforgivable. She needs to move on with her other life now. 

  • 03
    know. Eventually I stopped seeing her as anything to me. Her parents were a different thing and they had to be kept from me because they tried taking me from my dad and tried to make bio raise me even though she didn't want me. Dad did everything he could to shield me from that stuff but I ended up
    via u/JadSonSixx
  • 04
    speaking to different court people when I was 6 because of the fight my bio grandparents put up. Through all that my dad was amazing.
    via u/JadSonSixx
  • 05
    I guess sometime in the last three or four years my bio mother has gotten married and she had kids with her husband. She reached out to dad a few months ago and told him she wanted to see me. Dad talked to me and I didn't want to see her so he told her no. But she got a lawyer involved and dad's
    via u/JadSonSixx
  • 06
    lawyer and her lawyer were communicating and she made the threat through her lawyer that she would sue for custody or visitation if dad didn't comply with making me talk to her. I told dad to agree. I didn't want to go to court. I didn't want a therapist getting involved. I
    via u/JadSonSixx
  • 07
    have zero interest in a relationship with her and I knew that would potentially be pushed for until I'm 18 so I agreed to meet with her and it was awful. She told me about her husband and kids and how she felt it would be good for me to meet them and have a relationship with them. I turned her down and said it would never happen. That was the end of us talking.
    via u/JadSonSixx
  • 08
    But she's pressed dad on it through the lawyers and she's prepared to go to court and pay a shton of money for this to happen. I don't care if her kids are related to me through bl d I will di saying I am an only child and they will never be siblings in my eyes. So I reached
    via u/JadSonSixx
  • 09
    out and said if she pushed that she would have to explain to her kids why their "brother" is so disinterested in them and why he's never happy to see them and makes no effort to be in their lives. I told her I'll be 18 sooner than she realizes and she can't make me hang around and I told her I don't
    via u/JadSonSixx
  • 10
    Cheezburger Image 10505577984
    via Dana Ebtekar from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 11
    care if her kids get hurt. I told her she'll be left to pick up the pieces with her husband.
    via u/JadSonSixx
  • 12
    Her husband raged at dad after everything happened. My bio mother backed down after I made the threat to not care about her kids feelings. Her husband thinks badly of me for saying it. He's being an a to dad over it and dad
    via u/JadSonSixx
  • 13
    blocked his number but he has access to my bio's number. Dad doesn't block her because he likes being prepared for her dragging the lawyers into it.
    via u/JadSonSixx
  • 14
    The whole thing's a mess. And I don't feel guilty about it because of this random guy or these random kids. I don't care about the kids being bld. I don't even care if she turns into a sh mother to them some day and they want to bond with me over it. We're not
    via u/JadSonSixx
  • 15
    family. But I know dad's dealing with the reaction to it and I do feel bad about that. He doesn't say it bothers him but he's finding it harder to keep what's going on from me. So I wanted to ask AITA?
    via u/JadSonSixx
  • 16
    • grimp- 18h ago NTA. Your dad is amazing though. I think you're doing the right thing, just let your dad know how much you appreciate him standing up for you all these years. Your "mother" and her husband can kick rocks.
    via u/grimp
  • 17
    Cheezburger Image 10505580032
    via Eziutka from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 18
    Rasputin-69 18h ago As someone in a similar position you are certainly NTA this is your choice free of judgment or comment.
    via u/Rasputin-69
  • 19
    Maleficent_Brick7167 • 18h ago Tell her lets go to court. We will ask for 17 years of back child support. See how fast she loses your number.
    via u/Maleficent_Brick7167
  • 20
    PA Archer 18h ago You took the right path. I never understood 'parents' that abandoned their children thinking said children will forget.
    via u/PA Archer
  • 21
    "Mom. If you force me to meet your children, I'll simply tell them to prepare for the day you'll abandon them like you abandoned me."
    via u/PA Archer
  • 22
    Anon00003 18h ago NTA At least you were upfront about your intentions.
    via u/Anon00003
  • 23
    DataZealous7633 • 18h ago Absolutely NTA You don't owe anyone a relationship just because of biology- especially someone who ignored you your whole life. You've set clear boundaries,
    via u/DataZealous7633
  • 24
    and that's your right. Her choices have consequences, and trying to force a bond now doesn't erase the past. Your dad's handled this with strength, and so have you. They, on the other hand, are showing their true colors.
    via u/DataZealous7633

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