Woman Refuses to Host Family Parties Ever Again After Relatives Arrive Hours Early and Berate Her for Not Being Ready

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAsshole u/aka_ruth 11h • AITA for refusing to continue hosting parties for my family?
  • 02
    I (26F) love hosting parties for my family. I'm usually the one in charge of Christmas and most birthdays are celebrated at my home. I love doing nice and elaborate parties. I usually plan a menu, make everything from scratch, decorate, for Christmas I started doing secret santa and depending on the event even some games or karaoke.
  • 03
    Before I started doing this, my family used to do pretty normal events. Just one meal like a basic bbq, buying pizza, a traditional food and buying a cake for dessert. Never decorated and the parties were just about showing up, eating and leaving. There was nothing wrong with that but I love Christmas so about 4 years ago I decided I was going to host for once and did it as I mentioned.
  • 04
    Everyone loved it and were praising me for everything. With the years I've definitely improved my cooking and party planning skills and honestly I'm very proud of what I do. They liked it so much that they started asking that for some birthdays if I could host a party as a gift for them and I happily did. It's important to mention that my main family is only 9 or 10 pleople so it's not too much for me to handle or too expensive.
  • 05
    Now to the issue. The last parties I've been hosting which were the last Christmas, my mom's, uncle's and aunt's birthdays and my husband's birthday as the most recent, they have gotten what I concider a nasty attitude.
  • 06
    For example, I would send proper invites clearly stating that the party would start at 3:30pm. Well, they would show up at 12pm and comment how I wasn't ready. For my husband's party they saw that the decorations were half way done and started asking why the food wasn't ready (I had told them it was an early dinner but decided to show up without having eating lunch) and to just give up with the decorations and start cooking cause I was being by letting them be hungry.
  • 07
    Long story short, they started eating random stuff and everyone pressured me into cutting several things off the party and move the schedule quicker to accomodate them, leading me to not have the party as I had pictured and having to rush cook, just for some of them to leave right after the food and left only 6 of us behind. They have done the same in all the other events, show up early, shame me for not being ready, eat and leave.
  • 08
    That leads to yesterday when I was talking to my mom and asked me what was I planning for Christmas this year. I said I wasn't planning anything since I had told them last time I didnt like their attitude and I was done. That lead to a fight about how I can't "take a joke" and I should instead "learn to take help and accomodate to our family". The argument lead to nothing but has left me wondering, Am I really the AH here? My husband is on my side but I'd like some unbiased opinions.
  • 09
    Edit: Grammar mistakes ETA: Some of you have asked about what she meant by not accepting help. Here's a comment I left before explaining more:
  • 10
    They have offered help before, and I'd let them but never do as I asked. For example, last christmas | was making an apple crumble, they offered help so I asked them to just peel the apples and specifically told them not to cut them since I like them sliced in a very specific way. Also, to only peel the green ones since the red was for a charcuterie table I was assembling. They peeled all of them and cut them into cubes. When I got annoyed, they called me dramatic and that it was better their wa
  • 11
    I stopped letting them help because they always thought they knew better, so I instead asked them to sit and have a drink and had snacks prepared in case I got delayed. Now they show up even too early for me to have the drinks and snacks ready. 2,381 ☐ 337 &
  • 12
    Spoonthievery ⚫ 11h Obvious NTA As someone who LOVES hosting, it's expensive, time consuming and a lot of labor. I went from hosting every other weekend to every handful of months because my place was absolutely trashed the next day. (I let people sleep over so they didn't drive home drunk) I frequently get asked why I'm not hosting as much anymore and I just tell them I don't have the capacity to do so right now. Unfortunately your family got so used to you doing them this favor that it's no lo
  • 13
    ivylass • 11h Colo-rectal Surgeon [42] NTA. You have a couple of choices. You can stop hosting these events altogether. You can turn away people who show up early ("Party starts at 3, it's only 12. You can either go kill time at the mall or help me get set up"). It sounds like they're taking advantage of you. It is not a "joke" and you are not "failing to accommodate." Your guests are can call them out on it. and you Reply 832 ↓
  • 14
    Major_Barnacle_2212.10h Craptain [162] If you show up to something three hours early it dang well better be with an amazing attitude - and to help. And weirdly, it's still a bit clear it with the hosts. if you don't NTA. Your family has become ungrateful, so it's time they host for a while.
  • 15
    Alternate plan - If you really enjoy hosting and want to give them a chance to shape up before quitting you could make Christmas a "final warning" and send everyone a note saying that due to recent events with guests arriving too early and causing you stress, no one will be let in the house before 3pm and if anyone does show up early that one person will ruin it for the entire group because you'll take a break from hosting completely. - No one will want to ruin it for the group is my guess! Edit
  • 16
    Mjtjm • 10h Husband here: To add context that she excluded, I SPECIFICALLY asked for "childlike" party since I never got one as a kid. This included a piñata, games, homemade pizza and balloons, cake, etc... This got ruined by how everyone came early and expected everything to be ready, ruining the vibe and feeling unable to say anything to them. I love seeing how happy she is hosting and seeing the happiness be taken away from her put a damper over the event for me. I already told her she shoul
  • 17
    theglobeonmyplate • 10h Who is "They" is it everyone? One bad couple? Deal with the bad apples and don't let them ruin your fun! Reply 104
  • 18
    aka_ruth OP. 10h Only 3 family members are the ones that are patient and come at the specific time I asked. If something isn't ready, they help or wait patiently. Everyone else calls me dramatic and does the things I mentioned ... 145
  • 19
    Having-hope3594 • 11h Commander in Cheeks [242] NTA. No, there's a pattern of showing up and expecting probably two meals from you They are the ones who stole the joy from your hosting. Arriving 3 1/2 hours early is not just a joke! Reply û 56 ♡
  • 20
    Alternative-Pop6452 • 11h Partassipant [4] NTA you have an incredibly and ungrateful family, and I would not host anything else for these people. ← Reply 34
  • 21
    Medical_Sky_1072 • 10h NTA. As the saying goes "don't bite the hand that feeds you" and they didn't bite it they mauled it! It's so damned to behave like that and I don't care what they say but arriving early, eating all the food and then complaining about it is no joke. Don't host anymore. Let them have a turn. ← Reply 23 ↓
  • 22
    BlockedByJax • 11h Partassipant [4] NTA. You don't even need a reason to say no to hosting an event, and they gave you a huge reason anyway. Reply 19
  • 23
    Maximum-Swan-1009 - 10h Enthusiast [6] "learn to take help and accommodate to our family" Good suggestion. They should all try doing that. Time for them to host. NTA ← Reply 19

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