Broke Man Demands Breadwinner Fiancée Add His Name to Home Ownership, She Refuses, Causing Tension in the Relationship

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Oct 14, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Finances are a crucial part of a romantic relationship. When you're getting married and buying a home, the couple needs to talk about the financial situation beforehand. Is the couple getting a joint bank account? Are both parties going to sign for renting a place, or buying a home? No one wants to be taken advantage of in the case of something unfortunate and unexpected happening, but both parties also have to make the decision that's right for them to make.

In this Reddit thread, the original poster (OP) is a woman engaged to a slightly younger man. They have a 6 year age gap, and due to their age differences (among other things) she makes much more than he does. She's worked her way up, and she already pays for everything they share. Now that they're getting married, she wants to sign for the home and mortgage on her own. Feeling emasculated, he insists that she also include him in the signature, but she fears he's not financially responsible yet. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH • 15 hr. ago Ok-Setting766 My 36F Fiancé 30M wants to be added to my mortgage/title of home, but I think he's being unreasonable. Thoughts? AITAH?
    via u/ Ok-Setting766
  • 02
    My fiancé is very upset that I won't add him to the mortgage or title of the home I am buying for us. He is not putting any money down because all he has right now is massive debt from school loans and will not be able to help pay for any improvements on the home. I am older than him and make more than double what
    via u/ Ok-Setting766
  • 03
    he makes. It's nothing personal, I would never kick him out but I have worked my off and made really good financial decisions along the way to get me to this point. I am taking money out of my retirement account as a down payment. I honestly couldn't even add him to the mortgage because his DTI
    via u/ Ok-Setting766
  • 04
    is insane. He has more debt than he earns annually. He thinks it means I don't see us as a team - | have always paid for most things when we go on vacation (including rentals cars hotel stays, most food) when we lived together I paid for far more rent/groceries etc. I am even paying for our wedding in its
    via u/ Ok-Setting766
  • 05
    entirety! I paid for my own engagement ring because he couldn't afford one (he will pay me back later on as he builds his career). He would pay for things if he could I wholeheartedly know that. But I don't feel comfortable putting him on the title or mortgage on the house. I just don't think it's realistic and I want
    via u/ Ok-Setting766
  • 06
    to also have some protection of my investments that I've busted my for. He's a really good guy, just broke, always has been but won't be for long because he is super motivated and finishing school soon. What are your thoughts? Am I being unreasonable? He was distraught last night when I told him I
    via u/ Ok-Setting766
  • 07
    wouldn't add him (plus it would eff up our interest rate and borrowing potential because of all his debt!!) He continues to say I don't see us as a team when I literally pay for so much and never complain. I don't lose sleep over it at all. I've always seen us as equals.
    via u/ Ok-Setting766
  • 08
    Edit: I can't believe how much this blew up. Thank you for all of your concern and advice. I am definitely taking it to heart. I hope you all have a good evening
    via u/ Ok-Setting766
  • 09
    Grimm SG 15h ago • NTA. He has no shame. When he starts earning and his debt free and ready to contribute to the household, you guys can have that discussion then.
    via u/Grimm SG
  • 10
    r⚫15h ago Edited 14h ago • Go see a lawyer about prenup, but probably better. to have everything in your name. You really really really need to see a lawyer and if he threatens to cancel wedding, let him you know he is using you
    via u/r
  • 11
    PensionLegiti... 15h ago NTA and PRE-NUP before he bleeds you dry.
    via u/PensionLegiti
  • 12
    TheSassiestPan... 15h ago • NTA - it wouldn't be a sound decision to add him for all the reasons you stated. When his career takes off and he gets his DTI under control and can contribute to the costs of the mortgage and maintenance, then it would be reasonable to
    via u/TheSassiestPan
  • 13
    consider refinancing under both your names and adding him to the Deed. In the meantime if you don't have a will you could have one drafted where if you pass during the marriage he will inherit the home via probate. It gives him a measure of security while
    via u/TheSassiestPan
  • 14
    still protecting your interests. and assets.
    via u/TheSassiestPan
  • 15
    herejusttoargu... 14h ago. Regardless if you CAN. Doesn't mean you should.. I get he can't afford to do some things but you gotta come to a realization that if he can't pull his weight then maybe it's not a great idea to keep pushing things to the next level.
    via u/herejusttoargu
  • 16
    How about waiting and see how it goes? Of course he's sweet and comfortable because who wouldn't be living that comfortable life where your girl is paying for everything?
    via u/herejusttoargu
  • 17
    Vacations, groceries, rent, now even a house!! lol I'm married but shoooooootttt you need a third!!?? ☺☺ jk jk jkjk D D The way he's trying to manipulate you into putting his name on something he's not contributing to is a HUGE RED FLAG.. not
    via u/herejusttoargu
  • 18
    because of what he wants but "you don't see us as a team" WHAT!? after everything you do? He's guilt tripping you for what? If he was as thankful, like you claim, he'd be understanding of the
    via u/herejusttoargu
  • 19
    situation. He couldn't even buy you a ring. Ma'am so what you getting married for? He can't put you in a home (but he says one day he will), he can't pay for a ring so you did (but he's gonna pay
    via u/herejusttoargu
  • 20
    you back, eventually), he can't even pay for a wedding (so you are) GIRL! Women think we have some ticking time bomb and we don't. You're 36, you're super young.
    via u/herejusttoargu
  • 21
    You're 36 so I'm gonna be blunt as heck because you're mature enough to understand... you will be on the hook for alimony, he will fight for half of the home(which is why he's adamant on being on title), he may even ask for a lot more. Bet getting married quickly is his idea too..
    via u/herejusttoargu
  • 22
    I have been with my husband for 12 years. Married for 2. I'm not on title because we bought our home when we weren't married. I put up half down payment but I'm married I'm not worried about "making sure my name is tied up in all this". Cause I KNOW my husband wouldn't do me
    via u/herejusttoargu
  • 23
    dirty. After everything you've done he still wants reassurance? Good luck op You seem a little brain washed It's okay to love him and want to marry him and keep doing more and more
    via u/herejusttoargu
  • 24
    because you have your mind made up but girl.. he's gotta do SOMETHING besides be nice.. fr fr
    via u/herejusttoargu

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