Man Secretly Signs His Kids Up for Public School Behind His Wife's Back After They Start Falling Behind with Her Homeschooling Methods

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Sep 8, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Welcome, internet parents. Making sure your children get a good education should be at the top of every parent's priority list - right along with making sure your kids get proper nutrition, enough exercise, not too much screen time, and have an impeccable music taste that mirrors your own by the time they're in first grade. Public or private schooling is the traditional route. This gets kids socializing, learning, and used to the types of routines they'd fall into in adult life. Traditional schooling isn't a great fit for every child and family, though. Homeschooling allows parents to customize their kids' curriculum based off their interests, strengths, and weaknesses, and lets families travel more frequently and not be confined to the school's yearly schedule. Long-term success through homeschooling is not an easy task, though, and is only really achievable with extremely committed parents who have some background in education. 

In our story today, a mother who has fallen victim to 'crunchy' Facebook Mom groups that believe that public education rots brains decides she wants to home school her children. However, after a full summer, she fails to come up with any sort of curriculum for her twins. Their father takes things into his own hands with his children's best interest at heart. Scroll down for the full story. 

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  • 01
    r/AmltheA u/atmylimitsnow • 8h AITA for signing my kids up for public school behind my wife's back?
    via u/atmylimitsnow
  • 02
    So, I (36M) am a dad to 6-year-old twins, and my wife (28F) is a stay-at-home mom who has recently gone full crunchy mom mode. She's all about essential oils, no processed foods, cloth diapers when they were babies, and she's absolutely against anything mainstream. For the longest time I didn't mind because a lot of it is about healthy living and I want the best for our kids. But things are starting to get way out of control.
    via u/atmylimitsnow
  • 03
    The latest issue is that my wife is dead set on homeschooling the twins. She's convinced that public school is "toxic" and that our kids won't thrive in a system that's "designed to make them little robots." She even has a few friends in her crunchy mom group who homeschool their kids and she's been talking nonstop about joining their co- op. I've expressed my concerns about this from the beginning. I work full-time and I don't think she realizes how hard it's going to be to manage homeschooling
    via u/atmylimitsnow
  • 04
    But she won't hear it. Anytime I bring up public school she shuts it down immediately, saying she doesn't want the twins to get bullied or that we'll lose control of what they're learning. I just don't think homeschooling is realistic and I can't see how she'll keep them on any sort of consistent schedule.
    via u/atmylimitsnow
  • 05
    I gave her time to prove me wrong over the summer, thinking maybe she'd ease into it and have a plan. Instead, she's spent most of the time bouncing between different unschooling philosophies and signing them up for random activities with her crunchy mom friends. The kids are constantly bored, and I've seen them starting to fall behind.
    via u/atmylimitsnow
  • 06
    I'm not proud to admit it but I went behind her back and enrolled the twins in public school for the fall. I told her a few weeks before school started and she absolutely lost it. She accused me of betraying her and said I was undermining her role as a mother. She keeps saying I don't trust her to raise our kids which isn't true. I just don't think she's prepared to handle homeschooling and I don't want the twins to suffer because of it.
    via u/atmylimitsnow
  • 07
    She spent the whole first week of school trying to make me feel guilty by saying the twins are miserable and that I've ruined their childhoods by forcing them into the system. The thing is as far as I can tell the twins actually loved their first week school. They've made friends and like their teacher. But my wife keeps insisting they're just pretending to like it to make me happy.
    via u/atmylimitsnow
  • 08
    Now, she's talking about pulling them out mid-year and starting over with her homeschooling plan but I'm putting my foot down. I want the best for my kids, and I honestly think public school is the right choice for them right now. My wife is making me feel like I'm the bad guy for going behind her back and forcing them into something she was so against. AITA for enrolling the twins in public school without her consent? Should I have handled it differently? I'm starting to feel really guilty abou
    via u/atmylimitsnow
  • 09
    prairiemountainzen • 7h Pooperintendant [60] NTA. Your wife was dead set on homeschooling, but it doesn't seem like she had any actual plans or learning program in place. Keeping kids away from other children isn't fair either. You don't just learn math, reading, and science in school, but you also learn social skills and how to interact with all sorts of different people who are from different backgrounds and walks of life. You also learn how to navigate different social situations, which is be
    via u/prairiemountainzen
  • 10
    It sounds like you tried to discuss your feelings about this multiple times with your wife, but each time she shut the conversation down. You are concerned about your children being isolated in a bubble, and that is valid. Was it wrong to go behind her back and enroll the kids in school despite your wife's wishes? That's debatable. You weren't acting out of malice, but out of concern for the well-being of your kids. I'm not sure how else you could have handled this and you did what you feel is i
    via u/prairiemountainzen
  • 11
    Chemical-Mood-9699 .7h This. At 64 I've forgotten a lot I was taught in school. A lot was useless. But the interaction, friends (I still have some from primary school) are vital. I'm very skeptical about home schooling, unless there is a real (distance based) need. Too many parents use it to brain wash their children with nutter level religious BS. 13.3k
    via u/Chemical-Mood-9699
  • 12
    Bats_n_Tats⚫ 7h As a former homeschooled kid myself--you don't have to be in public school to learn to socialize. But you absolutely do need a parent who is dedicated and organized, even if you're unschooling, to make sure that you actually get a quality education. It doesn't sound like OP's wife was doing the work involved in homeschooling properly. 365
    via u/Bats_n_Tats
  • 13
    voxetpraetereanihill • 6h NTA. At all. I spent several years working on a remote ranch, homeschooling three kids aged 6, 9, and 11. My whole day's focus was on those kids, and the amount of work involved to teach them, keep them engaged, and still give them rounded social skills was insane. Anyone can raise a feral idiot. But that's called neglect, not parenting. You did the right thing, OP. 199
    via u/voxetpraetereanihill
  • 14
    ACERVIDAE • 6h This. My sister and I were in two different schools; she in a very small private school and me in a public. I came out with far better social skills and to this day she still doesn't quite get how to interact with people without insulting them, and I blame the different school situations. Д ← 64
    via u/ACERVIDAE
  • 15
    Aggravating-Pain9249.5h Professor Emeritass [82] Firmer educator here. There are a few examples of home schooled children who beat the odds. They are usually raised by very educated parents. (think of the person who broke the Mayan code.) Parents who intend to such a job have to realize it is a job. You need to research the various home school curricula that is available. Some is ok, some is not.
    via u/Aggravating-Pain9249
  • 16
    I have a bias that public or private school forces kids to socialize, but I of home school groups that do socialize. they do many things in groups. It sounds like OP's wife has not done this work. Many of us think teaching in kindergarten or early elementary grades is easy, it is not. It requires different skill than a teacher in middle school or high school. 58
    via u/Aggravating-Pain9249
  • 17
    fuzzybunnybaldeagle • 5h This right here. I teach at a school where we get lots of homeschool students. We enrolled 5 this school year. They are usually far behind their peers academically. Most catch up, but some dont... I also volunteer at an afterschool activity where we get many homeschool kids. Socially they are different. They tend to be more annoying to other kids and not be able to pick up on social cues. They have trouble respecting boundaries and often talk to adults as equals. ☆ 54
    via u/fuzzybunnybaldeagl
  • 18
    Haunting-Nebula-1685 .7h Partassipant [1] NTA - I am a homeschooler. I do it because my child was not thriving in public school and was falling behind, so I reluctantly brought him home to teach him one on one. It's not ideal, but he is progressing. Your wife is not homeschooling because she's thinking about what the kids want - she is thinking about her own needs and the perceptions of her crunchy mom friends. Does she have curriculum planned for them in each of their major subjects so
    via u/Haunting-Nebula-1685
  • 19
    that they don't fall behind their age group? Does she have the education and knowledge to teach them appropriately? Are they going to get an education that enables them to be college ready when the time comes if they choose to attend? Homeschooling is hard if you're doing it correctly. You have valid reasons for being concerned, and you have just as much say as she does in the way your children are brought up. ... Reply 1.8k
    via u/Haunting-Nebula-1685
  • 20
    vt2022cam⚫ 7h Professor Emeritass [87] NTA- but you're heading towards a divorce. She's in a very toxic friend group and you won't break through. For all of its faults, being an active and engaged parent with the options of a public school system will be better for them. Parental involvement (not helicopter parenting), determines success. Reply 804
    via u/vt2022cam
  • 21
    unluckysupernova • 7h NTA. She's already said her idea of "homeschooling" is actually unschooling. That's a very drastic choice and she has no right to make that by herself. You're looking out for your children's future. If you were certain there's a curriculum and appropriate activities at the home then you would probably be on board. But she basically is saying she wants to never introduce your children to any outside influence ever. Look up former unschooled kids on YouTube. They'll tell you
    via u/unluckysupernova
  • 22
    I would be a little concerned how far her identity is only tied with those mom groups and her being a mom. Yes it's an important part of her - but she's basically saying she would rather choose brainwashing her kids and to keep living through them than to give them the best tools they need to find themselves and live their lives as they best see fit. This is not a healthy mindset and she may need empathy and compassion to break out of this and find something else to throw herself into, because h
    via u/unluckysupernova
  • 23
    KissltOnTheMouth ⚫ 7h This is the comment!!!! Seriously OP, really look up "unschooling" and the kids that were forced into that. You absolutely do not want that for your children. 133
    via u/KissltOnTheMouth
  • 24
    NihilisticHobbit • 6h Exactly. The instant I saw op mention unschooling, I knew what his wife meant was 'do nothing and say it's best'. Unschooling is not an education, and op was right to go behind his wife's back. Given how severe this has gotten, I would advise op to check that his children were actually vaccinated as well. Anti vaxx tends to go hand in hand with unschooling and other anti educate way of thought. 93
    via u/NihilisticHobbit
  • 25
    No_Introduction1721 .7h Enthusiast [7] Info: does your wife have a background in elementary education, a curriculum in place for homeschooling, lessons planned, etc.? It reads like she unilaterally decided this without having any idea what's actually involved in homeschooling, so I think you just sort of did what you had to do to ensure the best outcome for your children. It's really hard to call you an that. NTA for ← Reply & 276
    via u/No_Introduction1721

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