Dad refuses to pay for his 20-year-old daughters wedding to her 25-year-old fiancée even though he paid for her older siblings weddings: 'She is too young and is still in college'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 12, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

When I first watched My Best Friends Wedding, I was kind of shocked that the titular best friend was marrying a 20-year-old undergraduate, aka Cameron Diaz. I know it's not necessarily unethical for a 28-year-old to marry somebody in their early 20s, but I can still think it's weird and that Julia Roberts was a much better option.

Once someone is 18, they can marry whoever they want without their parent's consent. Any schmuck can walk down to the courthouse and get officially "married," but most people want a bigger production that costs a bit more than that. If a young couple is going to get their dream wedding with all the frills, they're probably going to need some money from their parents to make it all happen. The dad at the center of this story is refusing to pay for his daughter's wedding because she is Cameron Diaz in My Best Friend's Wedding and he can't accept a Dermot Mulroney husband just yet.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10415570176
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for telling my daughter I won't pay for her wedding until she is 25
    via u/Automatic_Path_3055
  • 03
    I have three kids and this is about my youngest. I have paid for all my older kids weddings with basically no strings attached. My two older kids are 26 and 28. The middle child is going to have her wedding when she is 27 and my oldest just had his wedding
    via u/Automatic_Path_3055
  • 04
    My youngest is in college and she just turned 20. She has been dating Jim and he proposed, he is 25 and out of school. I am not a huge fan that he has been out of school for two years and is dating a college student, especially when that start when she was still a teenager. My daughter can't even drink, while he literally have a career.
    via u/Automatic_Path_3055
  • 05
    He proposed and I learn about it yesterday, she wants to get married next summer. I sat her down and told her I will not pay for the wedding. I believe she is too young and that she is still in college.
    via u/Automatic_Path_3055
  • 06
    I told her that I will pay for all of it, if they have long engagements and she is 25. I told her this gives her plenty of time to finish her degree and she will have some work experience under her belt before marriage. Also if they love eachother it shouldn't be an issue waiting a few years She was and called me a this is a good call while my son think I am being a , my other daughter thinks also.
    via u/Automatic_Path_3055
  • 07
    Newtons3rdLaw_yer NTA. If I'm not mistaken, the age isn't to do with the number but more the solidity of the relationship... and that I think is valid. Between the ages of 18-23/24 even up till 30 is such a rollercoaster of changes and mentality that people can genuinely want completely different and opposite things as an 18 year old to a 25 year old.
    via u/Newtons3rdLaw_yer
  • 08
    The long engagement is a good way around it, maybe promise that you'll pay for her wedding after she graduates (even before 25) so long as they're engaged until then. It's your money at the end of the day and while you've paid for your other siblings I'm sure their weddings were maybe more thought out and pre-planned with mature/similarly aged spouses. I think you should try to minimize making your youngest feel treated unfairly while still getting your way, but overall... NTA I believe.
    via u/Newtons3rdLaw_yer
  • 09
    Automatic_Path_3055 OP Yeah She also has only been with this guy almost a year. I am seriously worried about her dropping out of college if they marry.
    via u/Automatic_Path_3055
  • 10
    Whatevenispoetry Tbh yea such a quick engagement is enough to consider not paying yet.
    via u/Whatevenispoetry
  • 11
    Spallanzani333 Here's the thing though...... 25 is a long time away. At 20, it feels like forever. What you WANT to happen is for her to wait awhile and (probably) break up with this guy, or get married in 5 years. That's not what's going to happen. To her, saying wait until you're 25 basically means you're saying you won't fund her wedding. She's likely to rush ahead with a courthouse wedding in the next year or just move in with the guy, feel like you've been horribly unfair and favored her si
    via u/Spallanzani333
  • 12
    Why not say you'll fund a smaller wedding at age 22 and give her the rest at 25 for help with a down payment IF she's finished her degree? 22 is two years away, which is a long but fairly normal engagement. More than likely, they'll break up before wedding planning actually starts, but you'll stay actively involved in her life and not alienate her or motivate her to get married early out of spite. Or if they are actually a good match, she'll have two more years of maturity and you'll have two mo
    via u/Spallanzani333
  • 13
    giggitygiggitygoof People get it so twisted. You're offering to PAY for her wedding. Everything in my life is coming from my own pocket. If my parents said they'd pay for my wedding and all I had to do was wait a few years, I'd be ecstatic. Tell her to stop being a brat or pay for her own damned wedding if she wants it that badly.
    via u/giggitygiggitygoof
  • 14
    heathrei1981 INFO: If your other children wanted to get married at that age would you have paid for the wedding? Or is this about the guy?
    via u/heathrei1981
  • 15
    Automatic_Path_3055 OP No The guy just doesn't help
    via u/Automatic_Path_3055
  • 16
    what_is_fondant Honestly, I wish my parents had put that restriction on me. I got married at 18 & was divorced by 25. It's been one of my biggest regrets in life & pushed back all my goals by decades. If I had a parent say they were supportive & would have paid for my entire wedding but had told me to wait - I probably wouldn't have gotten married so young & ruined a large portion of my early adult life. Edit: NTA
    via u/what_is_fondant
  • 17
    Remarkable-Manager56 I won't give a judgement, but I will tell you a story. My sister met her husband in the second year of her college. He was her professor. My parents were against their marriage, because of the age difference and some personality traits that were red flags. But they knew that she would get married no matter what they thought. So they paid for the wedding (it was a small event, not that expensive). This year my sister divorced her husband. Because her relationship with my pare
    via u/Remarkable-Manager56
  • 18
    CptnAlex As far as I can tell, OP's only ultimatum was "to receive payment, wait". Not "don't get married to this person" or "I won't pay for it at all" or "I will disown you". So, if the daughter is so tragically hurt over this measure, I honestly see that as further evidence that she is not ready to make this kind of life decision. Maybe it in the daughter's eyes but this is squarely in the tough love, but love part of parenting imo.
    via u/CptnAlex
  • 19
    fluffyfeather80 I think you could have said "I can't pay for college and a wedding at the same time so you are going to have to wait until you are out of school if you want help with the wedding." And specify that dropping out and getting the money isn't an option. She can take extra classes and go through the summers if she wants to graduate early. I think saying she is too young and giving an age stipulation etc etc just put her on the defensive. You aren't wrong in thinking she is too young,
    via u/fluffyfeather80

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family drama kids reddit story engaged wedding dad family engagement daughter Reddit weddings money college fiancee son college student children
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