'You decided to be mean': Frugal woman refuses to pay $70 to see close friend's concert, says she's 'not an artist'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 17, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

One thing about being an artist is that it's hard to get paid to do it. There are so few people who make their livings from their art versus the millions of people who just do it for the love of the game. It's the life of many artists. You do what you can, on the weekend and nights, scraping together gigs, doing it on your own, and inviting friends to come support you. And if you're a good friend, you'll buy a ticket. You know you're not going to an Elton John concert, you're just supporting your friend's dream, but isn't that even better?

Of course, there are lines you must draw about how much you're willing to sacrifice to support them. Does $70 sound like the limit? One friend thought it was, and a debate ensued about how you should support your friends' artistic ambitions. Read on for the story.

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    MASTER or LIGHTNING IN THE AGC Of STEAM 1056
    via Nick Karvounis

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITA for telling a friend that shes not an artist when she pressured me to attend her expensive 'concert'
    via u/danty-221
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    For some context I work while completing my postgraduate degree. My family doesn't have the means to support me financially so I'm pretty frugal, I avoid debt and always have an emergency savings just to be safe as there is no other back up options (in fact I'm the back up option for my siblings at times)
    via u/danty-221
  • 04
    I have a close friend Rani who is the opposite, shes easy going and doesn't care about being in debt or living pay check to paycheck as YOLO. Difference is her mother works over time to pay for her bills regularly so she doesn't worry about debt being a problem
    via u/danty-221
  • 05
    Rani likes karaoke and has recently joined an Indian music group as a guest participant (last few months), they're apparently holding a concert now and Rani is insisting that I purchase a ticket and go to watch her sing. Ticket for this concert is $70.
    via u/danty-221
  • 06
    I told Rani that this was too much and that I wasn't in a position to be able to spend that much, esp as I recently had unexpected costs which shes aware of. She kept insisting that I should go, that she knows I can afford it, & that I'm being a bad friend, ticket price is cheap etc. I told her if it was so cheap, she can give me a ticket but for me it was not cheap. She then started
    via u/danty-221
  • 07
    complaining that I should be wanting to support her, that I never support her when she wants to go out to these big events (Not true, in the last few years I've gone to quiet a few "events" that she insisted I attend, each costing 80- 150, though I don't go to every single one due to how busy I am + cost factor
    via u/danty-221
  • 08
    This is where I may have messed up, I told her that it wasn't a big deal if I didn't go (its a concert in a language I don't understand), and when she said "come on I'll be singing" I said "yeah but you're not an artist/singer, you're doing this for fun, its not like this is your career"
    via u/danty-221
  • 09
    She got really angry at that and said "just cause you can't sing, doesn't mean I can't hold a concert" she called me an AH, among some other names. and hung up. We haven't talked since and I'm wondering AITA for saying that. Cost was the main reason why I couldn't go but she kept pushing and wouldn't accept that being as valid and I think I made careless comment, I didn't think she'd be offended since singing is a new hobby shes picked up and its never been more. So AITA?
    via u/danty-221
  • 10
    . applebum8807 4h ago • I was with you but you kinda lost steam at the end. ESH Obviously, she is an AH for not taking no for an answer and badgering you to come when you repeatedly said you could not afford it.
    via u/applebum8807
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    But, despite whatever you meant to say, what you said to her near and not the end was warranted. While you would have fine had you either shut the convo down or stuck to the main reason you can't come, you switched gears into something more personal against her.
    via u/applebum8807
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    der_innkeeper • 2h ago • Maybe, but just. "I'm not paying to see you sing" is a completely valid response to "come see me sing". The friend can provide a comp ticket if it's that important for her to be there.
    via u/der_innkeeper
  • 13
    • Mobile_Following_198 4h ago . ESH. She shouldn't have pressured you. You shouldn't have minimized something she obviously enjoys.
    via u/Mobile_Following_198
  • 14
    FYI you can definitely be an artist. without pursuing it as a career. Honestly, that's most artists. The majority of creatives do not make enough profit from their work alone to sustain themselves. The stereotype of starving artists exists for a reason.
    via u/Mobile_Following_198
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    urgasmic 4h ago • . NTA i don't think what you said was very nice but honestly she was asking for it. You said no, that you couldn't do it and she knew about your unexpected costs. That should have been the end of the conversation. But she kept pushing. You've shown you do support her but she's the type of person with a short term memory I guess.
    via u/urgasmic
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    _s1m0n_s3z • 3h ago • NTA. She was badgering you to spend money you didn't want to spend and to go to an event you didn't want to go to. If anyone presses me that hard about why I don't want to do something despite repeated polite excuses, well, then they're likely to get to hear the real reason. Whether they like it or not. They asked for it, and refused to take a hint. You can only protect people from the truth for so long.
    via u/_s1m0n_s3z
  • 17
    spacey_a • 3h ago • NTA. She has zero empathy and cares more about a karaoke event than your financial safety and security. That's not a friend.
    via u/spacey_a
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    ColonelBelmont • 3h ago • NTA. If an unreasonable person can't take a polite "no", then an impolite "no" is usually justified.
    via u/ColonelBelmont
  • 19
    chuckinhoutex • 3h ago • NTA- and I'm trying to find the attraction to this self absorbed mess. Like- let them go away mad and just leave them be.
    via u/chuckinhoutex
  • 20
    LittleFairyOfDeath ⚫ 3h ago ESH. She is a bad friend who doesn't care about your financial situation. But you attacked something she is passionate about. Guess what, most singers don't do singing as their careers when they start. She is a singer.
    via u/LittleFairyOfDeath
  • 21
    MusicHoney • 3h ago ESH, she was def being obnoxious, but instead of holding your ground and just not going, you decided to be mean.
    via u/MusicHoney
  • 22
    . laughinglovinglivid ⚫ 3h ago ESH. I was totally with you until you decided to insult something your friend is doing which she clearly cares about.
    via u/laughinglovinglivid

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friendship aita art saving money drama best friends spending money singing debate artist dispute friends reddit story friend drama friend argument story reddit thread Reddit money musicians
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