22-year-old woman lets friend crash at her apartment for free, friend gets pregnant and insists host get rid of her cats: 'Her baby is not your responsibility'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 22, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

When you're staying at someone's house, you don't get much say in what they do with their space. They're doing you a huge favor, so you don't get to chime in about what they're doing or not doing. You're a guest in their space, and what they say goes. You may not love that Urban Outfitters tapestry they have hanging in their living room, but it's not your living room. You might hate the fact that they only keep one-ply toilet paper in their bathroom, but it's not your bathroom. And you might not love their cats, but they're not your cats. 

One woman failed to understand this after she crashed at her friend's apartment while she was going through a difficult time. They say beggars can't be choosers, and that's definitely the case in this situation. But read on for the story and decide what you would have done. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10418813184
    via Jonathan Fink
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    AITA for not getting rid of my cats for my pregnant best friend
    via u/This-Guidance-9105
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    Throwaway account. I 22F have lived alone since the beginning of this year in a 2b 2bath condo. I have one cat who is my pet, but I also volunteer with a local cat rescue organization. It's fairly often that I temporarily foster cats/kittens anywhere from just 1 night-2 weeks at most, until we clear them to be placed in our shelter, or with another foster, or they are adopted. Usually I take in 1 foster at a time, but at times it's 2 if they're siblings, bonded, etc.
    via u/This-Guidance-9105
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    Recently this summer, my best friend 'Kristy' 23F moved in with me because she was on very bad/hostile terms with her mom and stepdad who she lived with, and it was safer for her to move out. I of course offered her to stay with me, and shes been in the spare bedroom since. However last month, Kristy found out she's pregnant from her bf. They have a plan to get their own place asap she says, but I truly don't mind if she stays here as long as she needs.
    via u/This-Guidance-9105
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    Given that she's pregnant, when she told her mom last week, her mom wanted to come over and talk things over. So she came here on Thursday and they talked privately for about 2 hours. When they came out it seemed like it was a good chat and they were more relaxed. But, her mom kinda turned her attention towards me and said "if Kristy's going to be living here, you need to do something about the cats." I asked what she meant, and she mentioned toxoplasmosis, the litter boxes, number of cats here,
    via u/This-Guidance-9105
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    I let her know we did actually; and there's an extremely low to no risk of toxoplasmosis. I only have one cat (my own) in the main house, who doesn't go into Kristy's room. Kristy also has 0 obligations or responsibilities for my cats, I let her know that the minute she moved in. All litter boxes are cleaned minimum twice daily, and aren't even anywhere near Kristy. My cats litter box is kept in the garage (she has a cat
    via u/This-Guidance-9105
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    door) and any foster cats I have are kept in my master bathroom. It's a large bathroom and adapted to be safe for a temporary foster. The only interaction Kristy has is if she happens to be in the living room/hallway/kitchen with my cat at the same time, so contact is extremely limited. I also want to add, all cats I foster are up to date with vaccines, spayed/neutered, and exclusively indoor cats only.
    via u/This-Guidance-9105
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    After explaining all this to Kristy's mom, I told her that at most I would be willing to possibly limit the fosters I bring in, but I will absolutely not be getting rid of my cat. She told me "well yours is the biggest risk here." ALSO she tried to suggest that I should stop volunteering with cats altogether until Kristy moved out or until the baby is born. Kristy tried interrupting her mom to calm down because she kept going on about how I'm being selfish, I'm not realizing that she's carrying
    via u/This-Guidance-9105
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    I love my best friend, but I will not be getting rid of my pet in my own home that was here before she was. I'm willing to adapt and limit fosters, but I genuinely do not think I'm risking anyone's health here and don't want to stop volunteering. AITA?
    via u/This-Guidance-9105
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    sickofdriving007 · 1d ago NTA. As long as she's not scooping the litter boxes she should be fine. If her mom is so concerned maybe she should step up and be a better parent to her daughter so she can live with her.
    via u/sickofdriving007
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    This-Guidance-9105 OP. 1d ago • Ty. Kristy and I came to the agreement from the get-go that she doesn't need to do anything with the cats whatsoever, as soon as she moved in. So she's as far from the litter boxes as possible because from what I understand that's where one of the most likely risks of toxoplasmosis actually comes from.
    via u/This-Guidance-9105
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    • crystallz2000 22h ago. This. I had four cats while pregnant multiple times. My husband changed the litter boxes while I was pregnant. My doctor wasn't worried about it at all. Plus, Kristy is always welcome to move out...
    via u/crystallz2000
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    TheSannens · 1d ago . • NTA, your house, your cat. Her baby is not your responsibility AND as long as she stays away from the litter box she's fine. Sincerely, A pregnant woman whose indoor cat is currently sleeping on her lap
    via u/TheSannens
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    • jmbbl 1d ago NTA. Plenty of pregnant women live with cats and are just fine. I suspect Kristy's mom is doing this to pressure her to move back home, where she can then have more control over her daughter.
    via u/jmbbl
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    • FuzzyMom2005 23h ago NTA. You don't want to get rid of the cats. Kristy doesn't want you to get rid of the cats. This is a non-issue. If Kristy has such a toxic relationship with her mom, her mom should not be coming to your house. Let Kristy go to hers if she can't go NC.
    via u/FuzzyMom2005
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    • Individual_Ad_9213 1d ago • NTA: MOM: "if Kristy's going to be living here, you need to do something about the cats [i.e., you need to get rid of them." OP's anwer should have been: "Well, I guess that Kristy's moving back home with you." You're doing her a favor by letting her crash at your place. You are under no obligation to do any more. == Kristy and her mom are being presumptuous.
    via u/Individual_Ad_9213
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    throwaway113022 23h ago • • NTA. Ignore Kristy's mom she doesn't know what she is talking about. If you are going to limit anything in YOUR home it should be to limit Kristy's mom visitation.
    via u/throwaway113022
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    . • Waste_... 1d ago · Edited 1d ago · NTA. Cats were there first. Kirsty's Mom was so toxic that Kirsty had to move out. Seems to me that Kirsty's Mom is just trying to stir 1. Maybe tell Kristy's Mom if she actually acted like a Mom her daughter wouldn't have had to have moved out in the first place.
    via u/Waste_Worker6122
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    T_G_A_H 23h ago. • NTA. They should talk to a vet for reassurance. There's no risk unless she is scooping the litter boxes and had direct contact with cat feces. Many pregnant women live with cats.
    via u/T_G_A_H
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    icecream s•23h ago. Did you consider saying "get the out of my house and don't come back" to this woman? Who the does she think she is?
    via u/icecream
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    • StrangerOnReddit 1d ago. NTA. Her mom is out of line. Nobody can expect a person to give up their pets (that already lived there) because a person temporarily staying with them found out they are pregnant. If that's a concern for the pregnant woman then they can move out. That's the solution, end of story.
    via u/Stranger0nReddit

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