17-year-old refuses to continue being a free nanny, private chef, and housekeeper setting boundaries after neglectful parents cross the line for 10 years: 'What have they ever done for me?'

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Oct 27, 2024 10:00 AM EDT

Being a parent is more than just being a role model, you're supposed to help your kid succeed in life by providing them with tools and wisdom to become independent adults. Hands-off parents would argue that a kid with lots of responsibilities will learn the fastest about the real world, but when to start treating your child like a nanny, a chef, and a house cleaner while you tend to your other children, you're going to drive a serious wedge with the 'easy kid'.

This teenager in our next story was forced to fend for himself his whole life, providing Cinderella-style services for his household to help keep the family afloat—until he finally refused.

As the older brother, u/Slight-Programmer-15, was no stranger to picking up a few extra responsibilities around the house. But when his younger brother became medically dependent on others it seemed like their parents decided their 'easy child' no longer needed parenting. Instead, they heaped on the chores and let him raise himself, only crawling back to him once he was old enough to employ for more complicated endeavors. Keep scrolling to read how this kid set healthy boundaries for himself and called his neglectful parents out at the same time when he refused their orders for the last time.

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    Cheezburger Image 10419928320
    via Matt_Brown - Getty Images Signature via Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITA for asking my parents what they have done for me and not for my brother?
    via Slight-Programmer-15
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    I (17m) have a younger brother (15m) who has a number of serious disabilities from birth. He suffered brain damage at birth, has a missing kidney, has digestive issues that means he eats through a feeding tube, he
    via Slight-Programmer-15
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    cannot walk and can only make sounds instead of talking. My parents time and attention has to be focused on him more than on me. For the first few years after he was born I spent a lot of time with my grandpa who raised
    via Slight-Programmer-15
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    me from the age of 2 until I was about 7 and then I was seen as "old enough" to be at home after school and could make my own food and clean up after myself and not need supervision mostly.
    via Slight-Programmer-15
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    Grandpa was willing, and had offered, to keep taking me after school but my parents said he didn't need to do it and he deserved to live his life. I never get 1:1 time with my parents. They couldn't afford
    via Slight-Programmer-15
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    field trips and never took the time to apply for the school field trip fund so grandpa picked up the slack there. He paid into my school lunch account so I didn't have to make my own lunch.
    via Slight-Programmer-15
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    Grandpa was the person who'd pick me up from school if I was sick. He'd stay and take care of me at home since whichever parent would be home would really just say to go to bed or lay on the couch and relax and there was no caring for me or taking care of sick little me.
    via Slight-Programmer-15
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    When I was 11 I got picked for this junior programmers contest through our school district but my parents said they couldn't take the time for it so they refused to sign off and since grandpa
    via Slight-Programmer-15
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    couldn't, even though he offered to take me, I missed out on that. When my laptop broke in October 2020 it was grandpa who replaced it for me so I could, you know, school when school wasn't in person.
    via Slight-Programmer-15
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    When I got older I was asked to do more like cook for everyone, pick up meds or get the special bath ready for my brother. A few times my mom or dad even reprimanded me for not doing off my own initiative.
    via Slight-Programmer-15
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    My parents have nothing set aside for me to go to college. They have never considered colleges. And last year I had my guidance counselor on my wanting me to go to college and wanting us to attend some college talk and my parents wouldn't go. I
    via Slight-Programmer-15
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    told her I didn't have money for college and she said she would reach out to my parents about forms. They never got back to her. She called, emailed, reached out repeatedly. Nothing. Then I told her I had decided to skip
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    college and she was like nooo, nooo, you need to go and she tried reaching out to them again to talk about it but they didn't answer/respond. My parents wanted to get a night off and catch up with
    via Slight-Programmer-15
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    some friends in town and they asked me to babysit. I said no. My parents told me I should help my family and considering all they do for me. So I asked them, what have they ever done for me. I
    via Slight-Programmer-15
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    told them it had to be for me, not for my brother. I asked them to name one thing and I pointed out all the stuff they don't/didn't do. They called me spiteful and told me to stop looking at it through the lens of a kid. AITA?
    via Slight-Programmer-15
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    BangoDango22 NTA. Having a kid with so many special needs is hard, I get it. But they have TWO kids and they've neglected you for most of your life it seems. I don't get why they wouldn't let you still stay with your grandpa after you turned 7, as if being 7 makes you an adult. I'm sorry you
    via BangoDango22
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    missed out on so much as a kid. Maybe going off to college would be a nice fresh start for you and help set you up for a nice future. But also be ready for the conversation someday of how taking care of your brother will be your responsibility when your parents are gone. Set those boundaries NOW, then they won't be shocked.
    via BangoDango22
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    memonster331 im pretty sure they didnt let granpa keep him because they needed help around the house
    via memonster331
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    Hush-ItsMe Same reason they don't want him going off to college. They don't want a son, they want another caretaker.
    via Hush-ItsMe
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    Turbodog2014 This is what he was "old enough" to move back 'home' for. To be helpful, and not a hinderance. He graduated to house-elf as his 7th bday present. Your parents should stop looking through a lens that shows you as someone who Owes ANYTHING TO THEM.
    via Turbodog2014
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    KSknitter OK, so the babysitting thing is likely a trial run to see if you can be the caretaker for your brother. I worked as a Para in schools with severe kids like this and the wait list for a home to care for them (government run and paid for) is 15 years
    via KSknitter
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    where I am. And that is if you sign up at birth... If you have never babysat him before, this so mom and dad's first trial run of "can we leave this kid with OP forever?" And you don't want that. Move back in with grandpa as soon as able and go to college.
    via KSknitter

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