'[She's] extremely demanding': Parents concerned for son after fiancée turns into bridezilla during the wedding planning, turn to strangers online for advice

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Nov 3, 2024 7:00 AM EST

Taking the plunge, saying the "I Dos" in front of everyone, and putting on that ring is not a decision that should be made lightly. There is a lot to think about on both the bride's and groom's side. And they can't just think about themselves—sure, love is love, and you want to marry someone who you are sure you'll be in love with for eternity. But the heart is a wild un-tameable thing and it's difficult to be sure that your love is not just an attachment issue. What if you marry someone and then they are complete meanies to your entire family? Or they start demanding money from you and everyone you know? Once you've signed the papers, it makes it much more difficult to tear yourself away from that kind of toxic person. 

So here we have in-laws reaching out to strangers online with concerns about their son's future bride. The fiancée has quickly turned into a bridezilla since saying yes to the question and now the family has some big concerns. What do you do in a situation like this? Read for yourself below! 

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  • 01
    "[We] have had strong reservations about [his] fiancée for a long time but have not wanted to interfere..."
    via Unsplash+ (and Mesut çiçen)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 02
    Son's fiance making everyone miserable Son's fiance is extremely demanding. She has insisted on a large wedding and asked son to ask US to pay for it, even though we have far less money than they do. We know he felt awkward asking us. She also demanded that we participate in her family's elaborate cultural customs, but refused to have a conversation about exactly what this entails, we are just expected to comply.
    via ChartCool9979
  • 03
    When we tried to find out by discussing with her parents, she told us to stay out of it, because this is her wedding and "no-one else gets to make the decisions". She is dismissive of our customs. Son is (obviously) expected to take her side, but we can see that he is struggling. He has distanced himself from us, is very angry, but is unable to logically or coherently express the reasons for his anger. Fiance has called us and accused us of upsetting him. We haven't seen him for a couple of week
    via ChartCool9979
  • 04
    The last time we saw him in person he became very irritated when we asked about the wedding plans. Very concerned about his well being. Have had strong reservations about fiance for a long time but have not wanted to interfere. What to do, if anything?
    via ChartCool9979
  • 05
    MirandaR524 You calmly hold your boundaries for what you will and won't do. You give your son the budget or gift amount you're able and willing to contribute and then just let them at it. Don't take angry calls from the fiancée. Don't argue and question. Just say "yes I will do xyz" and "no I won't do xyz". And show up when you're supposed to show up. Your son is an adult and this is the partner he's chosen. Nothing good will come from getting in the middle of any drama. Stay calm, stay polite,
    via MirandaR524
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    Cheezburger Image 10423071744
    via Substantial-Spinach3
  • 07
    FoxUsual745 In "She asked son to ask us to pay for it", you seem to be skipping "son asked us to pay for it". He asked. What happened between them before he asked you, is none of your business. If he hadn't seen or communicated with you for two weeks, that's on him. Unless she is holding him captive, he could contact you if he wanted to. If he wanted to "take your side" he could. I'm sorry you see your son unhappy. It sounds like an awkward situation, but your son is an adult
    via FoxUsual745
  • 08
    TwinGemini 1908 Your son is an adult and is already distancing himself from the family. Don't set yourself on fire to keep them warm. Don't accept any disrespect from your disrespectful future DIL. He chose chaos, you don't have to do. Me personally would've put her in her place the first time she tried me.
    via TwinGemini_1908
  • 09
    brownchestnut asked son to ask US to pay for it How about you acknowledge that YOUR SON asked you to pay for his grown adult wants and tell him no? Instead of stewing about how his wife MADE him do something? He's a big boy. Why are you even communicating with her directly? Stop doing that and go through your son instead, and tell HIM no.
    via Brownchestnut
  • 10
    HickAzn Also had some cross cultural misunderstandings at my wedding, although nothing like yours. I have a few suggestions from my and extended family experience: 1. Agree to communicate through your son and only your son. 2. Budget: let him know your contribution upfront and make it clear it is a one time gift. That means the amount is the amount. No negotiating.
    via HickAzn
  • 11
    3. Expectations: needs to be communicated in advance (ie functions). 4. You posted on this forum, so if bridezilla calls, enforce rule #1 My 2 cents.
    via HickAzn
  • 12
    julesk I'd suggest removing yourself from the drama and let your son deal with his fiancée by sending a text or email to son and fiancée, "Just to cover a few points: 1) we can gift you $x dollars to help with your wedding, 2) let us know of any cultural customs you'd like us to be aware of and take part in, and 3) we're going to follow your lead on wedding planning so we won't be sending anything further unless you want to discuss something."
    via julesk
  • 13
    mccky It is traditional for the family of the bride to pay for the wedding and the family of the groom to pay for the rehearsal dinner. At least if you are in the US. Tell them that is the extent of what you will pay for. If she wants elaborate that's great, but her family's responsibility. Don't go bankrupt trying to please an entitled spoiled brat. The fact she is so nasty just confirms she doesn't deserve a dime of your money.
    via mccky
  • 14
    sammytheammonite This is a simple as setting boundaries. They don't dictate your boundaries. Let them know a specific amount you are willing to contribute to their wedding and stand firm on that. If they ask you to do something specific, decide if it is something you are willing to do and give an appropriate response.
    via sammytheammonite
  • 15
    It's okay to say no to things, even if they are customary to her. It's also okay to say no to something unless they can give you specifics. Then leave it at that. It's up to them at that point to either give you the details or accept that not everyone will participate. Your son will decide for himself what he is willing to put up with. Let him be an adult.
    via sammytheammonite
  • 16
    Nurse-Rookie27 I'm petty. So I'd tell the son that you aren't paying for anything if her attitude doesn't change. You were trying to respect what she wants, and just asking questions ed her off? Yeah no. р no.
    via Nurse-Rookie27
  • 17
    Excellent_Spend_6452 If your future narcissist DIL is this way during the wedding stage, imagine what she'll be like during the marriage. Or with your future grandchildren? If she continues to act like a brat, refusing to listen to you, etc. then maybe give it back to her and tell her before she cuts you off, not only will you not be attending, but refuse to pay for anything and let her parents know by a detailed letter addressed only to them
    via Excellent_Spend_6452
  • 18
    about the blatant disregard for not only your son, but his entire family is being disrespected and alienated and looks poorly on how they raised her. Why does your son find this acceptable? That's maybe a question you should ask yourselves in how you raised him? You don't have to 'b t' in their lives, but she doesn't have to dictate yours. She comes across as exceptionally ride and entitled.
    via Excellent_Spend_6452
  • 19
    Automatic-Whereas8... In a sense, there is no cost to you setting reasonable boundaries. This woman is going to be horrid no matter what you do. Contribute, if you want to, however much you want to. Participate if you want, as best you can. Then let the chips fall where they may. If she stirs up more bad feeling, tell your son you did the best you could. Tell him, also, that you understand if he needs distance, but that the door is always open. Make sure he knows there is a soft place to land.
    via Automatic-Whereas860
  • 20
    grahch This reminds me a lot about what happened with the son of my friend, a couple of years ago now. The fiancée (by every indication a smug, conniving, mean young woman) was insulted by something my friend did or said (which I recall had something to do with the speed of the wedding planning (four months after the proposal) ... and, by the way, their other son was already engaged and planning a wedding that was already set for after this rushed wedding...).
    via grahch
  • 21
    Son went no-contact with his parents and has continued to not be on a speaking basis almost three years (and a baby) later. First said no to being the other brother's best man and then just not going to the wedding anyway. Friend learned about the birth and name of their first grandchild over Facebook with everyone else. Horrific and traumatic for this family with no explanation, but apparently with demands for apology via third party in order to lift the contact ban.
    via grahch
  • 22
    This is all to say that, if your son is dedicated to his woman, be ready if they decide to go nuclear. He will stick by/double down on his choice and continue down the hole, perhaps destroying your relationship or any others within the family. It's a shame, but it happens.
    via grahch
  • 23
    DebbieFromAcctg Write a one-time-only check for the amount of money you can comfortably afford to give. I suppose it would be tacky to say that you're giving them their wedding present early? The demand that you participate in an elaborate custom without knowing the particulars is bizarre.
    via DebbieFromAcctg
  • 24
    Maybe your son will get tired of this disagreeable woman. Either way, I'd caution you against speaking against her to your son. It will cause him even more stress and/or he might double down and defend his fiance to the max.
    via DebbieFromAcctg

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