'She cannot continue her princess treatment': Dad insists 16-year-old daughter spend less time on her appearance because "it's just so frustrating"

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Nov 7, 2024 3:00 PM EST

This Dad is so tired of his teen daughter's daily makeup routine: it takes hours! 

People seem to fall into three camps—they either love makeup, feel neutral about it, or can't stand wearing it. Some people who feel neutral about it just wear it to look professional for work or to cover up eye bags. Some really dislike the way makeup feels on their skin or the expectations society has around it. Then there are people who absolutely love makeup, and could spend all day doing it.

 U/No-Jump-3973 shared that his daughter falls in the latter category, because according to him, "she spends hours and hours getting ready" every single day. No matter where she goes, she has to spend a long time making sure she looks good. But like many teens, her dad thinks she's focusing way too much on her appearance. He decided to take a blunt tactic to address this issue, but commenters quickly informed him that he's going about it all wrong. 

Up next, this person kept telling their family that they absolutely did not want a surprise party, but the family did it anyway, and after walking out, this person "woke up to over 50 texts." 

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    Cheezburger Image 10425075200
    via Shamblen Studios on Unsplash+
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    Aitah for Telling my daughter that she cannot continue her princess treatment
    via u/No-Jump-3973
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    So, I'm a dad to a 16-year-old daughter, Reggie. When I say "princess treatment," I mean she spends hours and hours getting ready. She wakes up at 4 in the morning (school starts at 7) just to get ready for school. If we have to go somewhere, she needs to be told at least 3 hours in advance, minimum. She spends 30 minutes picking out her outfit, an hour and a half on her hair, and another hour and a half on her makeup. It's
    via u/No-Jump-3973
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    absolutely insane-she puts so much time into her appearance. Now, I think hygiene and self- care are good, but putting this much effort into looks seems a bit much to me. Today, I wanted to go out to eat, and I'm just so fed up with her "princess treatment." I didn't want to give her hours to get ready, so I told her, "Hey, get in the car, we're going to [Restaurant's name]."
    via u/No-Jump-3973
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    Reggie looked at me and asked, "How much time do I have to get ready?" The restaurant we were going to was like a Denny's, nothing fancy. She didn't need to get all dressed up. I said, "We're going to a place where you don't have to look nice. I don't know what's up with all this 'princess treatment,' but it has to stop. You spend hours on your appearance, and it's kind of vain." She responded, "I like to
    via u/No-Jump-3973
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    look good-look good to feel good." I told her, "Please, stop. I don't know who you're trying to impress. You look like a doll, and nobody likes that." Reggie just said, "Well, I want to look good." So I said, "Come on, get in the car." She didn't say anything to me, and she stayed quiet the whole time we were at the restaurant. She even acted mute on the car ride home.
    via u/No-Jump-3973
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    When we got back, she told me she was going to do her skincare and hair care routines. I don't mean to sound gross or unhygienic, but I don't even know what that is. Don't you just brush your hair and wash your face with soap and water? Maybe use a makeup remover wipe if necessary? Can someone please explain it to me? I told her she didn't need to do all that, but her routine still takes 40 minutes for her face and 30 minutes for her hair. I don't even know how she
    via u/No-Jump-3973
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    spends that long doing it! She took over the bathroom for 45 minutes, and she's still in there. I'm trying to tell her she's beautiful without all of that. It's just so frustrating, this whole "princess treatment" thing.
    via u/No-Jump-3973
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    Spinnerofyarn I think there needs to be some middle ground here. My first thought is if she shares the bathroom with other people, she can't be monopoloizing it for that length of time. If it's only her bathroom, no problem, but if she shares it with others, she gets to use the toilet and shower, and then she's got to vacate the bathroom so others can use it.
    via u/Spinnerofyarn
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    Next, she's told that you're not going to make sure you give her 2-3 hour notice for all things. If you decide you're going somewhere. and she wants to come, you're not waiting around for her to do her thing.
    via u/Spinnerofyarn
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    However, it's not unreasonable if you know of something happening days. in advance, you tell her about it so that she can spend that much time if she wants to. For things like going to Denny's when you just decided that day? "I'm leaving in 20 minutes. Be ready to go at X time. If she's not ready, leave
    via u/Spinnerofyarn
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    without her. You'd also better make sure you stick to the time frame you give her and not make her wait on you. I would sit her down and say that you think she's beautiful as she is without her spending hours on her appearance every day. She's welcome to spend her free time doing these things, but
    via u/Spinnerofyarn
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    the time she's spending on her looks is time she could spend living her life. Are there women in your life that you can talk with about this and ask for their take on things? I have health issues that stop me from being able to do in almost all beauty routines that many women use. Even so, I know of no woman that does a
    via u/Spinnerofyarn
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    beauty routine that takes this much time, let alone for every single day. Most of my friends have various levels of "comb my hair, make sure I don't have anything on my face," to "full makeup and styled hair" and which method they go for depends on what they have planned for the day, with the full makeup and styled hair only for fancy events.
    via u/Spinnerofyarn
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    k YTA. So much rage and insults towards her for wanting to be beautiful. ("princess treatment, "it's kind of vain", "I don't know who you're trying to impress.", "nobody likes that") ' Can someone please explain it to me?' - Girls' beauty creats rage. If they're ugly, men insult them. If they
    via u/KittiesLove1
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    invest in their looks, men insult them. It can be a man on the street, a boy in class, your father. Doesn't matter. What matters is the undelying rage. So the explaination is that you're just continuing the tradition of men bringing women down for their looks. ' She even acted mute on the car ride home'. Mission completed.
    via u/KittiesLove1
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    People telling you to send her to therapy, but it is you that needs therapy. To deal with your anger and the way you talk to your daughter. she's young and beautiful and that's her time to enjoy it and to learn how to do it. When can she look like a doll? when she's 70? When would she have time to go through her routins, when she's raising 3 kids? That's her time to do it and you're ruinning it for her.
    via u/KittiesLove1
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    If you have a problem with time management then adress that like a normal person ('I'm going now. Do you want to come as you are or for me to get you something?'), instead of hurling inults about her and her looks. But you can't do that without theray. You're too full of anger and I disrespect. Don't you just brush your hair and wash your face with
    via u/KittiesLove1
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    soap and water?' no. And if you have spent any time as a teen learning how to take care of your make up covered skin and long hair, you would know that. Just ignorance anger and insults. Shees.
    via u/KittiesLove1
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    "nobody likes that" - She like that. Why are you calling her nobody? I'm just so sad for her. Are you by any chance widowed or divorced? Isn't there a woman there telling you to let her be?
    via u/KittiesLove1
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    Wanttobebette... Ummmm.... you didn't once tell her she was beautiful in your story. You basically told her she looked like a doll (Not in a positive way) and all her routines that are important to her are dumb. Your daughter is going to remember this the rest of her life. You hurt her big time. Good luck recovering from that. YTA
    via u/Wanttobebetterr76
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    spinach-baby YTA- This is what a lot of teens do. They're insecure, finding out who they are and what they're about, and trying to feel good about themselves. I didn't care one bit that my parents thought about my looks, because I wasn't trying to look good. for them. I cared what my peers thought! The longer I had to get ready, the more comfortable and confident I
    via u/spinach-baby
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    felt at school. This isn't vanity, it's insecurity. You can show tough love by forcing her to forgo her rituals if you really want to, but don't think your daughter will thank you for it one day. You can't just tell her to stop being insecure because YOU think it's silly. Let her be, and she'll likely grow out of it. Do let her
    via u/spinach-baby
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    know that your plans won't wait for her, so she'll need to adjust accordingly if she wants to participate. That's an awful lot of time to spend grooming every day- I'm sure she'll get sick of it eventually. I myself went from 3 hours as a teen to 20 minutes as an adult!
    via u/spinach-baby
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    A YTA, but not because you're trying to be What your daughter is saying • look good to feel good • skin care and hair care • how much time to I have to get ready This doesn't have anything to do with makeup or
    via u/Aalleto
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    hygiene at all man. This has everything to do with your daughter putting as much of a wall up between her and the outside world as she possibly can. Either she picked up on something from YouTube or whatever that's making her strive for perfection no matter what. Or someone bullied her and she is trying to cope with it. Or she has
    via u/Aalleto
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    low self esteem, which is incredibly common in teens. Now, here's why YTA, because here's what you've said: • you look like a doll . princess treatment . • who are you trying to impress
    via u/Aalleto
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    I'm sorry, but there is a phrase that comes to mind: "a child's first b ly is their parent." Please, for the love of god, stop talking to your daughter this way. Even if you don't understand it, this is important to her. It helps her feel good. Is it too much? Yes. But are you going to solve the problem by b lying her into a
    via u/Aalleto
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    corner? NO. That's why she was silent with you at Denny's - you made her feel like absolute sh and then dragged her out in public. Please, sit down with your daughter, apologize for your outburst, and start bonding with her again. Watch her favorite movie. Have a pajama day. Maybe go out fishing or hiking or something and that could be
    via u/Aalleto
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    a "no makeup day". BUT then also take her out for a nice dinner and let her dress to the 9's. Find ways to boost her confidence, not tear it down.
    via u/Aalleto
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    Lann42016 Yta imagine telling your teenage daughter you don't care about her feeling good about herself. Just because you can't or won't try and under it doesn't mean it isn't important to her.
    via u/Lann42016
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    Disastrous-Pri... Leaning YTA. I find looong makeup routines annoying too, but you're coming at it all wrong, I think. Nothing wrong with someone wanting to put on makeup and dress up, looking good does make people feel good, but I'm wondering something. Is she at all willing to go outside,
    via u/Disastrous-Price-399
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    even just to a corner store, without the 3-hour routine? Does she go outside without makeup occasionally, or does she absolutely refuse to even amuse the idea? Does she make negative comments on her appearance without it? I'm wondering because especially in teenhood, women are made to feel like they have to spend hours on
    via u/Disastrous-Price-399
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    their appearance because that's what everyone tells them to. If you don't, peers and even strangers might say you can't afford all the trendy skincare products, or that you're a slob, or just downright belittle you for your appearance. I'd be worried on if she's facing that.
    via u/Disastrous-Price-399
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    Also, for skincare and hair care routines, you CAN just wash them with soap and water, but some people add products in the mix too for nicer-looking skin and hair. Think moisturizers, or sprays to get rid of frizz and style hair, or (safe) acids for skin to exfoliate off the d ad skin cells.
    via u/Disastrous-Price-399

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