18-year-old student clashes with her mother over choice of university sparking exchange of harsh words: 'I then proceeded to tell her it was my choice not her decision'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Nov 18, 2024 8:00 PM EST

Eighteen years of age is when the training wheels of life really start to come off. Of course, it depends on your personal situation, but for the first time, you really get the chance to start making your own decisions. Many of us will be fortunate enough to still have the guidance of our parents, mentors, and guardians once we reach this age to hopefully prevent us from making life-altering mistakes that could dictate the rest of our adult lives. But, inevitably, mistakes will happen—we're all human, after all—all we can do is learn from them and hope that they're not too severe. 

Of course, while our parent's advice is invaluable, there are bound to be disagreements and differences of opinion. If your parents are still helping you financially, they'll inevitably have a say in what you do with your life at this point. When it comes to things like what choice of university you attend, things can get tricky, and navigating the different ideas is difficult. Your parents may have realistic points while your feelings and wishes are also valid and directly tied to your motivation, which will contribute to your success at whatever school you go to.

This sparked disagreement between this 18-year-old student and her mother, who shared her experience with this online community, wondering whether or not she was in the wrong for her comments to her mother during their argument. Readers commented, sharing their thoughts and sparking conversation and discussion on the poster's situation and the wider implications of the topic.

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    Image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Image is for illustration only and subjects are models.

  • 02
    AITA? I told my mum she had no choice in where I went to uni and she said im aggressive and don't care about her opinion. I F(18) am in college and work very hard as a student. My mum never really praises me she instead picks at bits I could do better. My teachers have definitely noticed this and try to give me praise for my efforts.
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    Last week I decided I wasn't going to apply to one of my university options as it is expensive, too far from home and the nightlife is not great. When I told my mum this and shared my wishes to apply to other equally respected unis, that are better fits but not quite as good for my specific subject she said 'I will have to think'. I
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    then proceeded to tell her it was my choice not her decision. She then stated that if I wanted living money to get through university she had influence and stated I had threatened her aggressively in saying it was my choice, seeming like I don't appreciate her opinion. She then went on to state my degree is all
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    about the quality of the uni because it won't get me a job. I find all this very insulting and while I am grateful to be offered money for support through my education I think If I am applying to a decent uni, it should be my choice where I decide as I have to live there for three years. So,
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    AITA? Update- I have apoligised to her about possibly coming across aggressive and it is not just the night life that makes me not like that uni- it is not suited to my needs. I would also like to clarify I am not asking or expecting her to pay, she has decided herself to give me money. I am quite happy to get a student loan and work whilst at university. I am in the UK FYI
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a_h_le: I told my mum she had no choice in where I went to school, and I was aggressive with her about it because she was r de
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    rockology_adam • 7h ago • NTA for making your own choices here, but you do realize that your mother will make her own choices about giving you money, right? Your mother is definitely the A-h e here for trying to make your choice for you, no matter what her reasons are, and
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    holding money you might be expecting hostage is also A-holery... but it's also something you have no control or rebuttal against. If you need her money, she, unfortunately, gets a say, even if the only say she can really have is whether to give you the money or not. If you can do without her money, you are free to aggessively tell her to leave you alone.
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    Sometimes the questions. here are abstract, because while you're not the A-he here, the practical side of this is that nothing anyone responds here will change your mother's mind or her ability to hold her money over your head. You're in the right, but this is one of those times where right may not translate to successful. Best of luck.
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    Hungry-Indust... · 6h ago NTA, although you should know that companies can be degree snobs, so take that into consideration when applying.
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    Prestigious_BI... 7h ago ESH Your mom could be a lot more supportive and encouraging. You kind of because actually it is partially up to her if she is paying for it. As a parent, I would also have an issue with my kid
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    wanting to go to a lesser program because of the nightlife. Cost and distance from home are different, those are a bit more legitimate. If you want it to be entirely your own choice, you need to pay for it yourself
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    eowynsheiress . 6h ago. ESH. If she is supporting you through university or paying for any part of it, she has the right to have an opinion in the decision. Never pick a university based on night life. Pick based on what will best suit you for your degree and future life. Your mom has some serious points... and you sound no older than your 18 years. Best wishes, but make a good choice, not a fun choice.
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  • 15
    Tinawebmom 6h ago • . NTA wander over to raised by narcissist subreddit. Go to the uni you want. It's your life. Your mother refused your choice. You pushed back because...... It's your choice! You are an adult, know the career you want and have every right to choose the uni that best suits your needs.
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    BluePandaYello... • 7h ago • NTA, it's definitely your choice. Your mum can give you guidance, but it's ultimately up to you. Does you mum know anything about uni? My mum gave me and my siblings advice, which was all not the best, because she didn't know but had opinions. Her money is something to think about though.
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    ihate_snowand... 6h ago. • If you are taking money from your mom, she does get to influence such things. I'm old, but school isn't about the night life and partying alone. It's part, but less important than the academics. If this is the choice you want to make, you need to pull up your big girl and become independent, and not take money from your mom.
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