Mother-in-law Abashes Daughter-in-law For Dropping Her Career as an Attorney to be a SAHM, Husband Gets Involved When DIL Belittles MIL’s Parenting

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Nov 21, 2024 2:00 PM EST

Welcome back internet goers. The relationship between a woman and her mother-in-law is a complicated one. You always want to make a great impression, and ideally you'd be close to her. It can be like having a second mother, someone to talk to about things, and help you through situations. You can bond over your love for your husband, her son, and have a friendship with her. But, as they say you can't choose your family, you also can't choose your husband's family. I don't envy women who have terrible MIL's. 

This brings us to the Reddit story. In this thread, the original poster (OP) is a woman who's in a spat with her MIL. They're both attorneys, and her MIL takes great pride in this career as a woman. She's proud of her DIL for being a strong, smart woman with a high-ranking job. That is until her DIL tells her she's going to take a few years off to be a full-time mother to her children. But you'll have to read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH • 13 hr. ago Full_Technician_4592 AITA for asking my MIL how many of my husband's soccer games she went too after she insulted me for taking time off work to be with my kids?
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 02
    37F. I'm married and a mom of three (7M, 3F, and 1F). I'm an attorney, and have always worked hard and taken my career seriously. I never thought I'd want to take time away from work, but before I had my youngest daughter, I was feeling burnt out from working non-stop and also taking care of two young children. I was always tired when I
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 03
    was with my kids and hardly had any time to spend with them during the week. My husband and I spoke about it, and agreed it would be the best thing for our family for me to take some time off work. I don't see myself doing this for more than a few years, and I plan on going back to work once my youngest starts
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 04
    kindergarten. I feel incredibly fortunate that I have the financial ability to spend the extra time with my kids when they're so little. I know I won't get this time with them back and that I'll have the rest of my life to focus on my career.
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 05
    Everyone has been supportive of this decision except for my MIL. My MIL is also an attorney, and she's incredibly driven and well- known in our city. I know she was very happy I ended up with her son, and I think it's in large part because she respects women who are ambitious and passionate about their careers. I've heard her
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 06
    talk negatively about stay at home moms over the years. Specifically, she thinks they're boring, putting themselves in a position to be taken advantage of, and setting poor examples for their daughters. She also thinks men who want to be with stay at home moms are insecure and just want someone they can control.
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 07
    So obviously, she didn't seem pleased when we told her about my plan to take some time off work, but she's kept her mouth shut for the most part. Things changed last night, when we had her and my FIL over for dinner. I cooked, and my MIL joked that she never thought she'd live to see the day when I prepared a home cooked meal. I said I have a
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 08
    bit more time on my hands now and I actually enjoy it. She said she's glad I'm putting my law school education to good use.
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 09
    I asked what she meant, and my MIL said she didn't understand my new "phase." She said I spent so much time and money getting my education, and it seems like a waste to be home cooking instead of taking advantage of my skills. She also said I seem unhappy, and thinks it's because I'm home all day instead of
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 10
    developing myself. I told my MIL I'm incredibly happy, and she said I'm lying to myself and not setting the best example possible for my little girls. She says it's important to show them they can work hard and also be great mothers. She even said I'm teaching them it's okay to depend on a man and waste their
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 11
    potential. She then said that her mom was brilliant and never had the opportunity to have a career because of the era she was born into, and it makes her sad to see me throw away a life that her mother and so many other women would have killed for.
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 12
    My husband jumped in and said I'm not dependent on him, since I have a great education and resume, and I can go back to work at anytime. He also said that I've been working 70 to 80 hours per week since I was twenty-six, and there's nothing wrong with me taking some time off to be with our kids when they're young.
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 13
    My MIL then asked my husband if he put me up to this, and said she raised him better than that.
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 14
    My MIL said I'm too talented and smart to be home and that she hardly recognizes the ambitious and passionate twenty year old that she first met. I started crying, and told my MIL that I feel good about my decision and don't appreciate her giving me unsolicited advice. I said that I love my career, but my kids are
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 15
    the most important thing to me, and I want to be a more involved mom than I was before. My MIL asked why I can't work and be involved with them, and I said it's just harder and I felt I was missing out on their lives before. She asked if I think women who work are missing out on their kids lives, and I said women who work as
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 16
    much as I did certainly miss out on parts of their lives and don't have as much time to be with their kids.
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 17
    My MIL said that she didn't miss. out on her son's life, and I asked how many of his soccer games she went to. My husband was a college soccer player, and he's told me in the past that his parents never went to his games when he was little and that he always had to carpool with teammates. He's also told me that
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 18
    his mom is a great adult mom since she's interested in his life and gives great advice, but she wasn't as interested in him when he was a young kid.
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 19
    My comments set my MIL off, and she said I was disrespecting women who paved the way for me to have a career. My MIL and FIL left shortly after. My husband is obviously upset about the situation. He thinks his mom was way out of line, but also doesn't like that I brought up the fact that she never went to his
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 20
    soccer games. He said I stooped to her level and also that it wasn't my place to comment on his childhood. My husband feels horrible about the situation and has apologized for his mom's judgmental comments, but desperately wants us to work it out. He wants us to sit down for coffee and apologize to each
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 21
    other, but I'm not ready. AITAH for my comments and do I owe my MIL an apology?
    via u/Full_Technician_4592
  • 22
    HyenaShot8896 13h ago. Top 10% Commenter NTA. The problem for us women is that what we do is never right. If you're a working parent you're a failure to your kids according to some. If you're a stay at home mom you're a failure for not being
    via u/HyenaShot8896
  • 23
    independent, and doing what so many women fought for us to do years ago, according to some. If you're a single mom you're a failure because you choose to have kids with a deadbeat/ab er/addict/self ish man, according to some. If you stay with a man who is one or all of the above
    via u/HyenaShot8896
  • 24
    you're a failure to not protect your kids. Sad thing. is that 90% of this comes from other women in different positions than us. We women are our own worst critics, and it's sad really. We shouldn't be tearing each othet apart for the choices we make that are best for us and/our families.
    via u/HyenaShot8896
  • 25
    merishore25 13h ago • Top 10% Commenter NTA. You listened to MIL go off on you and defended yourself. It's up to your husband to manage his parents and let them know it's not ok to be so disrespectful.
    via u/merishore25

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