17-year-old refuses to spend Thanksgiving with her mom and her new boyfriend, mom calls her selfish and disrespectful: 'Spending Thanksgiving with a man I barely know and his children is not my ideal scenario'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Nov 21, 2024 8:00 PM EST

Nobody wants to spend holidays with people they hate. The holidays mean time off work, which means spending several days with nothing much to do with whoever you've chosen to spend said holiday with. If you're a kid, you usually don't have a choice about which dysfunctional relatives you spend Christmas and Thanksgiving Day with. If you're a pushover adult, you might spend your little time off work with family members who make you want to pull your hair out. But there is another way, as one teenage Redditor found out. This 17-year-old took to the site to ask whether she was wrong for rejecting spending Thanksgiving with her mom and her new boyfriend. She has an older brother who she would rather spend the holiday with and is feeling uncomfortable that this boyfriend is attempting to fill a fatherly role. As expected, her mom freaked out about this rejection. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10431058944
    via Karolina Grabowska (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to go to Thanksgiving because of my mom's boyfriend?
    via u/HonestFan9099
  • 03
    My mom Lisa (56F) and I (17F) have a rocky relationship. I'm close with my older brothers, Max (35M) and Alex (30M), but we have different dads. My parents divorced when I was 3, and I've never had a stable father figure. My mom remarried when I was 4 to a man who was emotionally ab ive and caused me a lot of trauma. They divorced three years ago, which was a huge relief for me.
    via u/HonestFan9099
  • 04
    A few months ago, my mom started dating again. Her first boyfriend, Bobby, was nice, but she broke it off quickly, saying she "never really liked him." Then she started dating her current boyfriend, Mike, about two months ago. The first time I met him, he handed me the keys to my first car—a car I paid $2,000 for, with the rest from my mom and grandma. It felt weird and awkward, like he was trying to act like a dad.
    via u/HonestFan9099
  • 05
    Mike didn't make a good impression on my family either. At Max's recent 35th birthday brunch, Mike spent the whole time talking about himself and his kids, ignoring Max entirely. My mom spends most of her time at Mike's house now, leaving me to cook and grocery shop for myself. I've told her I'm not ready to get to know him because of my trauma from past "father figures," but she calls me selfish, even though I've been in therapy since I was 8.
    via u/HonestFan9099
  • 06
    Now, my mom and Mike are hosting Thanksgiving, but Max and his family aren't coming because they don't like Mike. I told my mom I'd rather spend the day with Max and his kids, and she accused me of being selfish and disrespectful. I've always wanted a good stable family and spending Thanksgiving with a man I barely know and his children is not my ideal scenario. Especially after spending everything Thanksgiving as a child with my crappy stepdad. So, AITA?
    via u/HonestFan9099
  • 07
    Prize-Bumblebee-2192 NTA You need to take care of yourself. It's your mom who is the selfish one. Doesn't care to even ask you talk about how things could change or how to make you more comfortable. Just me, me, me - it's my thanksgiving. It's YOUR THANKSGIVING too. Do what you need to do and be with the family you want to be with.
    via u/Prize-Bumblebee-2192
  • 08
    spoileddaisysecrett Agree, you're prioritizing your mental health, and that's important. Your mom's expectations shouldn't override your comport. It's perfectly okay to spend the day with the people who make you feel at ease.
    via u/spoileddaisysecrett
  • 09
    Nikosma NTA - Your mom clearly is trying to fulfil some emptiness inside her by chasing after a partner. That doesn't mean you have to be there. You are almost 18 at this point anyway. I would go to my brother's and spend Thanksgiving with people who love and support me.
    via u/Nikosma
  • 10
    BTW - A gift doesn't cost anything....so unless he's giving you cash back for that car, you bought it fair and square. I say this incase him or your mom starts guilting you for nonsense.
    via u/Nikosma
  • 11
    bamf1701 NTA. You have every reason to be cautious about your mom's new boyfriends. It seems not only does she not have good judgment, but she has failed to put her kids above her own desires. You are not the one being selfish and disrespectful.
    via u/bamf1701
  • 12
    dryadduinath NTA. Ask your brother if you can attend, it sounds like it could be a great time (and maybe the start of a great tradition? Who can say) and it also sounds like this is a relationship you should focus on nurturing. Your mom can talk, but you are not the one being selfish. Deciding to host with her bf of two months rather than her children is short sighted at best.
    via u/dryadduinath
  • 13
    HonestFan9099 OP My brother is debating on whether to go out of town on Thanksgiving or stay and do something at home. I'm hoping it's the latter so I can spend Thanksgiving surrounded by the comfort of my family, in this case, it's just my brother. I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of spending Thanksgiving with Mike and his family as I barely know the guy. I appreciate your response and I'm hoping I can spend it with my brother
    via u/HonestFan9099
  • 14
    _coreygirl_ Ask Max if you can tag along if they go out of town. Im sure he wouldnt want to leave you with Mike.
    via u/_coreygirl_
  • 15
    mare_bare You need to tell your brother what's happening now. He'll have your back.
    via u/mare_bare
  • 16
    fiestafan73 Your mom is only considering her wants and needs, and not yours at all. I'm surprised she would even notice that you aren't there if you choose to go somewhere else. NTA, please try to spend the holiday with your brother without any feelings of guilt.
    via u/fiestafan73
  • 17
    Sonsangnim NTA You received 2 invitations and you chose the one you want to accept. You don't owe Mike anything. Go in peace
    via u/Sonsangnim
  • 18
    rexmaster2 I hope the car is in your name only. If its not, you might want to remedy that.
    via u/rexmaster2
  • 19
    Various-Cup-9141 NTA. Your mom prioritizes her happiness over yours, and she expects you to prioritize her happiness over yours. Yeah, don't let her do that. Go and live your best life without her. She's a selfish woman.
    via u/Various-Cup-9141
  • 20
    One-Pudding9667 NTA. you have one more year to go before you're free. hang in there.
    via u/One-Pudding9667
  • 21
    MaeSilver909 NTA. At 17 you're old enough to choose where to spend the holiday. You want to spend it with your brother & his family, enjoy your day and have a blast. At this point in your life, a father figure is not in the cards. At least my experience. When you meet your person who you want to spend your life's journey with, you may gain a father figure. I wish you a happy holiday season.
    via u/MaeSilver909
  • 22
    Ok-Raspberry7884 The oldest brother is old enough to be a father figure if he's comfortable in that role. He's 18 years older than OP which puts him on the young side of old enough to be her father. Even if he's not a father figure he can be a role model of how to be a good man to his family, which is what a lot of young women without a father figure lack and it can affect their own relationships. If Max is willing OP is much better off spending time with him and his family than with her mother'
    via u/Ok-Raspberry7884

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boyfriend teens family drama teen teenager brother thanksgiving mother teenagers selfish reddit story family reddit thread daughter Reddit mom
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