13-year-old Refuses to Cooperate in Blended Household, Step-mother Secretly Considers Ending Marriage, But Has Yet to Talk to Husband About it

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    r/AITAH ⚫13 hr. ago Efficient-Virus 767 AITA for considering ending my not terrible marriage because being a stepfamily just isn't working?
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    My husband (40m) was a widower when we met. I (36f) was a single woman who had never been married before. My husband has a daughter April (13) from his first wife. April was 5 when her mom di d, 7 when my husband and I met, 8 when she and I met and 11 when we got married. Things with April were okay before I got
  • 03
    pregnant. And by okay I mean we weren't very close and she wasn't calling me mom or saying she loved me. But we got along well and she said she had no issues with us getting married. She was in the wedding as her dads best person. All was good. Then I got pregnant with our son who is now 4 months old and it all
  • 04
    changed. She was furious when she learned we were expecting. She told us she would not be okay with that and she asked her dad how he could do that to her and her mom.
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    From that moment on she was hostile to me and very angry and lashed out at me, my husband and anyone who tried to say she was going to be a big sister or described our son as her little brother. We got her into therapy and we did family therapy. April refused to speak. We tried to find a therapist who'd click for us but she wouldn't talk. Then we did
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    find a therapist that made April speak one time and she spoke to say she did not want to work with us or make things better. She would not say why or answer any questions the therapist asked her. She didn't address it with her individual therapist either. They worked on other stuff. But that wasn't enough to help her come around.
  • 07
    People said once our son was born, once she looked at him, she'd fall in love and would go back to how she'd been before. That has not happened and she's aggressively against anything to do with him. She has never held him and we have no family photos of the four of us. It breaks my husbands heart. He has talked
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    to his daughter and disciplined her but it does nothing. She will scream that he is not her brother and she's even against saying half because "he's not my sibling at all". I can't speak to her at all now. Gone is the nice relationship we had and that makes me sad too.
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    But this isn't working and our home no longer feels like a home. It feels like a house on the verge of collapse. I'm not sure I want to stay married and figure this out for another 5 years. I don't see any hope for it to get better and even though my son will still have to be around, maybe having 50% of the time be in a loving home would be better. I'd be happier
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    even though I love my husband. When I confided in a friend she told me I can't give up this fast and I'm not giving it time to get better. AITA?
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    11h ago Edited 11h ago • Info have you guys tried. sending just her and your husband into therapy together? She *might* be more willing to open up if it's just him. At the very least she can just sit and listen to him talk to the therapist.
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    Also, are her maternal grandparents still in the picture? Do you and your partner get along with them? Maybe if April hears from them that they know her mom/their daughter would have been ok with this/wanted her dad to be happy, that might help? I'm
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    so sorry you're going through this. I know the chances of her coming around seem slim but, hopefully when she gets older, she'll recognize the mistakes she is making. Personally, I wouldn't jump to separation yet, since it's only been a few months. My
  • 14
    kids took time to adjusting to each new sibling and there wasn't even any trauma for them to deal with. Kids can get extra touchy with new babies getting all the attention or her seeing people fuss over you. Make sure that her dad takes her out, just the two of them, for fun things as well.
  • 15
    But let this new situation (and maybe hormones/sleep deprivation?) settle before making any life changing decisions. NTA
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    I.. • 13h ago Edited 9h ago • No judgement, but I'd be concerned about your son being with her during your husband's custody time with him if you divorce. Just something to consider since she is part of the household.
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    And honestly it sounds as if you would be giving her what she wants, which I don't know if that's a good thing.
  • 18
    [ 12h ago Edited 10h ago Top 5% Commenter No judgement this time as this is really complicated. But, I recommend to not do any final decision for now.
  • 19
    While, for sure, you should make sure your son is safe and that's not possible while living with April. On the other hand, divorce would be punishment for your husband, winning for April AND with 50/50 custody your son won't be safe 50% of time. That doesn't sound like a solution to this situation.
  • 20
    What I expect, it's a theory ofc, is that 13 year old was somehow fine with you as a company for her dad, but your pregnancy changed this perspective from company to lover...so in her mind your husband is cheating on her mom. That way your son is not a brother but a living proof of it.

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