Pregnant Sister Refuses to Be Older Brother’s ATM After He Blows Through His Inheritance While She Saves Hers

Author image for Isabella Penn
Isabella Penn
Nov 29, 2024 12:00 PM EST

You can't pick your family, but you do get to choose where your hard-earned cash goes. Dealing with financial boundaries among siblings can be more complicated than untangling a string of holiday lights. For one mom-to-be, the choice was clear: her growing family and future are the top priority.

We all know siblings can have totally different attitudes toward money. There's the sister who's always up for a shopping spree or the brother who just can't stick to a budget. Unfortunately, it's the responsible sibling who ends up feeling the pressure when money problems come knocking. And when an inheritance is tossed into the mix, things can get really messy. 

This woman is living in one of the priciest cities while prepping for a baby and trying to keep some savings intact. Clearly, saying no isn't being selfish. You can't count on siblings to come through financially, and not every money request deserves a "yes" just because their family. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01
    AITA for not lending my brother money when he could lose his condo?
    via u/jetletter
  • 02
    I (35f), my brother (37m) and sister (39f) all inherited money when our father passed away in 2022. Since then, my sister has spent all her money, my brother and his wife bought a condo in Florida (which used all their savings) and I have about $40k in my savings.
    via u/jetletter
  • 03
    Recently, my brothers building has had unexpected HOA fees pop up that are out of their budget, a roof which cost them $6k a few months ago and now it's a $4500 fee regarding upkeep of the shared parking lot. Typically I would never disclose my finances even with family, but
    via u/jetletter
  • 04
    since he is aware of what we all inherited he's always been a bit obsessed about asking how much I have left, what my plans are etc, essentially keeping tabs with it. My partner and I are currently 6mo pregnant and we're doing
    via u/jetletter
  • 05
    pretty well for ourselves, but we live in Manhattan and it's insanely expensive to the point where I am kinda needing to pull from my savings more often than i'd ever like to and now that we are expecting a child I feel hyper protective of what nest egg we do have in case of emergencies, medical costs etc.
    via u/jetletter
  • 06
    So last week he called me a bit intoxicated and said he really needs help with the $4500 that is now due at the end of the month. He said his wife has some checks coming in and he will pay me back as soon as they get the money. I wasn't super
    via u/jetletter
  • 07
    comfortable with the conversation and did my best to avoid it, basically saying something along the lines of 'why don't we wait and see if the money comes thru and if not we can talk.' Yesterday he texted me and said "Doesn't look like we
    via u/jetletter
  • 08
    are going to get the checks in by the end of the month and it would be incredible if we could borrow the money from you! Super annoying i know, we are sorry." I responded with, "I'm really sorry you're dealing with this fee, but I just don't have that kind of money right now. With
    via u/jetletter
  • 09
    the holidays coming up and medical bills for the baby i'm tapped financially. I budgeted out the month and I can send you $150 if you need money for groceries, but that's all i can spare rn." Now for even more context, my
    via u/jetletter
  • 10
    brother and sister are both unreliable people. My sister who i realize is not super relevant to this story, handles her finances very poorly and will ask to borrow money from me every 6. months or so, my brother has asked before but not as often.
    via u/jetletter
  • 11
    My sister has never paid me back and my brother has managed to get things together in the past to where I don't recall ever lending him much, maybe a couple hundred here and there but never got anything back. But I say this because he knows he
    via u/jetletter
  • 12
    can't ask my sister for help and our parents have both passed, which basically leaves me, his little sister. He is now saying the they could lose their condo and I am being an AH for not lending him the money when they're clearly
    via u/jetletter
  • 13
    struggling. I am doing my best to keep things afloat for my partner and I and really don't want to pull from my savings, not knowing I will 100% get it back. So AITAH for not lending them money?
    via u/jetletter
  • 14
    Public Ad_9169 • 16h ago • Your brother is going to lose the condo anyway. The question is whether he is going to lose it before or after draining your savings account. 2.8K ○ Reply
    via u/Public_Ad_9169
  • 15
    East Parking8340 . 16h ago • Colo-rect... Top 1% Comme... He (and his wife) reviewed their finances and chose to buy it. He (and his wife) must have got a professional to it's condition before they bought.
    via u/East_Parking8340
  • 16
    He patently lied to you about checks coming on at the end of the month. He's had time to get the money together but hasn't and now expects you to bridge his financial gap. 4.5K is not an insignificant amount and is likely your co-pay for the birth of your child. If he can't afford to pay the bill now he can't afford to pay back any money you lend.
    via u/East_Parking8340
  • 17
    The funny thing with inheritances is that, even when the monies are split evenly, some are quick to spend theirs and then get themselves into the mindset that it's unfair that someone has some left. They apply this weird logic that the one with the money has somehow taken advantage of them and they are owed some of that money. I would question the existence of the bill (considering he has already lied to you).
    via u/East_Parking8340
  • 18
    Should you fall prey to his pleading make sure that he signs a loan agreement with you (notarised if possible) with specific dates for repayment so that he can be held accountable (in court). NTA if you don't lend it.
    via u/East_Parking8340
  • 19
    • WhereWeretheAdults 15h ago Certified Proctolog|st [20] NTA. The popular saying is "Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm." Your family, partner and upcoming child, are your priority now. Not brother and his family.
    via u/WhereWeretheAdults
  • 20
    Notice how he moved the goal posts. First it was he'll pay you back when wife gets checks, now it's when we can. That money is gone the second you give it to him.
    via u/WhereWeretheAdults
  • 21
    Kukka63. 17h ago • Professor ... Top 1% Comme... NTA, your brother should have planned better, it's absolutely not your responsibility to help him out and just stop talking to him about finances. Good luck with the baby
    via u/Kukka63
  • 22
    YoshKrawdot . 16h ago • NTA. You are expecting in manhattan, it's not worth risking your security and situation. That money can go real quick if you have a few extra medical bills you weren't expecting. If he's that bad off he can refinance his condo. If they lose it that's on them and your sister and him can get a place together to save up for new places for the both of them.
    via u/YoshKrawdot
  • 23
    magiemaddi • 15h ago. Part ipant [1] Great that they have a condo to sell!! They can lose their asset since they can't afford it. No big deal, they're not destitute, just dumb. NTA but it's time to say that money is no longer liquid. It's in a trust for your baby - that's what you say when he harasses you.
    via u/magiemaddi
  • 24
    He needs to sell the condo that he can't afford. Then he'll have money to rent a place he can afford
    via u/magiemaddi
  • 25
    $ Yesterday he texted me and said "Doesn't look like we are going to get the checks in by the end $ of the month and it would be incredible if we $ could borrow the money from you! Super annoying i know, we are sorry." I responded with, "I'm really sorry you're dealing with this fee, but I just don't have that kind of money right now. $ $ s S S
    via Unsplash (Getty Images)

Tags

inheritance drama brother sibling rivalry siblings money problems family feud relationships parenting entitled pregnant
Scroll Down For The Next Article