Callous coworkers continually call their colleague 'Victoria' despite her name being 'Veronica,' gaslight her when she tries to politely correct them: 'It just got to me, to the point I was genuinely hurt'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 29, 2024 4:00 PM EST

Getting someone's name right is one of the basic building blocks of being someone's coworker. Heck, it's the building blocks of being someone's friend. It's kind of step one on the ladder of respect. But sometimes names are hard to remember. If someone's name is something common like "John" "Ryan" or "David," it can definitely take a few tries before it clicks into my consciousness. But if you're working with someone every day, you need to put the effort in. Even if it's one of those names that's easily mispronounced or confused with other names. It might be especially prudent in those cases since those folks might be a little sensitive about everyone constantly getting their name wrong. 

The coworkers in this story did not adhere to that tenant, though, and caused a rift with one of the bunch. But their reaction to her politely correcting them was baffling. Read on for the story. 

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    via Resume Genius

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITA for telling coworker they hurt my feelings calling me wrong name constantly.
    via u/WithAllMyHarts5
  • 03
    My name is Veronica. I get called Victoria constantly- to the point I know people mean me when they say "hey Victoria". People will misread my name. even at the dr office etc. I feel like this is why everyone typically calls me V or a shortened version of my name. I smile and correct people normally when they call me Victoria. It's happening so often lately that it's starting to really get to me. Four times today alone I was called Victoria. Number of times my actual full name was used? Maybe 1-
    via u/WithAllMyHarts5
  • 04
    One of the biggest culprits is a co worker of 8 months Im friendly with. The second time today alone he called me Victoria, I shook my head and told him, "It really hurts my feelings that you can't remember my name or even to just call me Ronnie or V. . Even the employees who've been here 2-3 weeks call me Miss V or Ronnie." It just got to me, to the point I was genuinely hurt; so I went into the break room to make myself a mug of tea and compose myself. It makes me feel as if I'm so irrelevant
    via u/WithAllMyHarts5
  • 05
    When I got back to my desk, our other coworker was upset. They told me "I can't believe you did that- he just buried his father!" She pointed out that literally no one in the office calls her by her real name- true but it's cute derivatives of her actual name- like Hannie Bananie
    via u/WithAllMyHarts5
  • 06
    As someone who's lost a parent I definitely understand mourning, however it's been a month since the funeral. The guy I got upset with was giving me the stink eye the rest of the day. I was blunt and impatient when I spoke to him, but I didn't raise my voice at all.
    via u/WithAllMyHarts5
  • 07
    When I told my husband he told me I was wrong and should let it go, since half the time I'm called my pen name anyway (I am never actually called by my pen name ftr and never IRL. Just online) AITA because he just lost his dad and use a pen name online?
    via u/WithAllMyHarts5
  • 08
    DogsReadingBooks • 4h ago NTA. He's chosen to not bother to learn your name. His parent dying is totally irrelevant.
    via u/DogsReadingBooks
  • 09
    Particular-Lime1651 3h ago •⚫ • Ooohhh I've got a good solution for you V! People do that with my name too... The solution is simple, Don't call them by their name. If he is called Harry, call him John, or hammish. Call him any other name, but his (or hers) When people push back, say "ohh I'm sorry, I didn't realise names matter? As you consistently don't call me by name?" I trained someothis way.. It took 3 hours. Nta btw
    via u/Particular-Lime1651
  • 10
    Aware_Welcome_8866 • 4h ago • NTA. I think most people prefer to be called their actual name. As someone who is mourning the loss of her father more than a year later, one month is a second in the span of grief. But when is it going to be a good time to tell him? 2 months after? Six? A year? And listen to him calling you Victoria all this time? You did not mean to hurt him. You could always tell him you're sorry you were short tempered.
    via u/Aware_Welcome_8866
  • 11
    • Individual_Ad_9213 · 4h ago • NTA. It's just a basic courtesy to learn a colleague's name.
    via u/Individual_Ad_9213
  • 12
    Expensive-Wish799 . 3h ago • NTA, grieving doesn't excuse behavior, it may explain it. Going forward however I'd advise you to not enable the others as much. Just don't react when someone says Victoria. It's not your name and you do NOT have to answer just because they are ignorant. When they get annoyed, you just tell them 'Oh I didn't know you were talking to me since you didn't bother to use my name'. Stop being nice to people who don't treat you nicely.
    via u/Expensive-Wish799
  • 13
    • bellingtonlicket · 4h ago · NTA. Your name is an important part of your identity, and it's completely reasonable to feel hurt when people consistently call you by the wrong one, especially after repeated corrections. Politely expressing how it makes you feel
    via u/bellingtonlicket
  • 14
    is not overreacting-it's setting a boundary. The fact that others shorten or alter their names by choice doesn't mean your name should be treated as less important. You deserve respect, and expecting coworkers to call you by your actual name is a very basic courtesy.
    via u/bellingtonlicket
  • 15
    Rohini_rambles • 3h ago Unless he also called his father by the wrong ame repeatedly, it's not relevant he can admit tto not knowing your name,, or to jot caring to use the correct one. His loss doesn't affect that because it preceded the dad's death.
    via u/Rohini_rambles
  • 16
    • wynndra 3h ago NTA, it's important people respect your name. I've been in similar situations, and it's frustrating when others consistently get it wrong. You have every right to set that boundary.
    via u/wynndra
  • 17
    GingerWhoDrinksTea 3h ago • • NTA After 8 months he should know your name. All you did was tell him it bothers you he won't use your actual name. As for the coworker's comment, why does it matter that his dad just passed away???
    via u/GingerWhoDrinksTea
  • 18
    StonkPhilia ·4h ago • NTA it's understandable that you'd be frustrated after repeatedly being called the wrong name coz I would too. It's basic respect to use someone's correct name, and it's fair for you to express that it bothers you.
    via u/StonkPhilia
  • 19
    Natural_Garbage7674 • 3h ago • NTA. I'm terrible with names. But I make the effort to learn my coworkers names. If I accidentally call them the wrong thing (which happens occasionally) I apologise immediately and make sure the next time I don't do it again. After 8 months? He's entrenched your name in his mind as Victoria. It's going to take real effort for him to unlearn the automatic nature of calling you the wrong name.
    via u/Natural_Garbage7674
  • 20
    As far as his father dying? It might be poor timing this time, but what's his excuse for the other 30 weeks he's known you? And your coworker that isn't called by her name? You have nicknames, too. And he isn't using them. If she doesn't like being called what people call her she needs to address it. Just like you did.
    via u/Natural_Garbage7674
  • 21
    • Deep-Collection-2389 3h ago • NTA. I had everyone at work calling me by the wrong name. Like you, a similar name but not my name. I put a sticker on my chest that said "Hi my name is..." and people laughed but it worked. Very few people call me the wrong name anymore. It's not a small thing to want to be called by your name. And his Dad passing doesn't mean he gets a free pass to be a j and hurt other people's feelings.
    via u/Deep-Collection-2389
  • 22
    FairyCompetent • 3h ago NTA. The bare minimum of respect we owe other people is calling them what they ask to be called. You didn't ask your coworker for anything other than the most basic tenet of civil discourse.
    via u/FairyCompetent

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antiwork respect workplace-stories toxic-workplace job work coworkers working reddit story toxic-boss names workplace reddit thread Reddit nicknames nickname toxic-work-environment
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