Mom kicks out her husband of 9 years who never paid a bill or household expense, friends and family pressure her to take him back: 'With Christmas approaching, I feel guilty about the timing'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 9, 2024 8:00 PM EST

I cannot understand how someone can live their entire adult life leaching off of somebody else and not feel horrible about it. I feel bad if my roommate takes out the trash when I was thinking about doing it earlier; I cannot even imagine how awful I would feel if someone else was paying for all my expenses while I laid around the house all day doing nothing.  Not everybody can bring the same thing to the table in all of their relationships, but you must be a little embarrassed if you can't pay rent, do dishes, help raise children, run errands, lend emotional support, or buy Christmas gifts. It's sad to think about, but there really are people who do not bring one thing to the people in their lives, and they get away with it because the people who are being taken advantage of can't control their situation. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10439633152
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for kicking him out a few weeks before Christmas?
    via u/Soft-Square-8929
  • 03
    I've been with my partner for 9 years, and during that time, he has never paid a single bill or household expense. He contributes nothing financially, emotionally, or practically to our household. I pay for everything: the house (which is solely in my name), the bills, the car he drives (including insurance and tax), and every single thing our children need.
    via u/Soft-Square-8929
  • 04
    He doesn't parent or help with childcare in any way. Instead, he argues with our kids like they're grown men in a pub. His behavior is stressful and miserable for everyone in the house. He's selfish, constantly plays the victim, and is only interested in himself.
    via u/Soft-Square-8929
  • 05
    He works but keeps his wages entirely for himself. Over the years, he's never bought a birthday or Christmas present for anyone—not even a card. Every time I try to address these issues, he promises to change, but nothing ever improves.
    via u/Soft-Square-8929
  • 06
    When I've tried to end things before, he plays the victim, telling friends and family that he has nowhere to go and doesn't understand why I'm upset. This makes it incredibly hard to follow through because people start pressuring me to take him back.
    via u/Soft-Square-8929
  • 07
    But I'm done. I can't waste another year of my life living in this h I. I know being a single mother would be easier than staying with someone who contributes nothing and makes our home so unhappy.
    via u/Soft-Square-8929
  • 08
    With Christmas approaching, I feel guilty about the timing, but I also feel like I've given him countless chances. So, AITA for finally kicking him out just before the holidays?
    via u/Soft-Square-8929
  • 09
    UPDATE: he's gone, I've told him to leave, told him I don't ever wish to see him again. That he's on his own. For those saying it can't be real, I wish thar was the case. I didn't include everything as to not make this post huge, but he was ab ive, in many ways, psychically, emotionally. He would use my post natal depresion, stating he would tell people I am
    via u/Soft-Square-8929
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    mentally unstable, he even tried to contact my Dr's saying I was being mentally unstable the last time I tried to get rid of him. He would also me in my sleep, due to the medication I was on, which he has admitted to in email form. This will all be going to my local police station tomorrow, while the children are at school. Thank you to all the kind comments!
    via u/Soft-Square-8929
  • 11
    No Truth8492 • 1d ago • You should've kicked him out wayyyyyyyyy sooner. But while the best time was months ago, the second best time is RIGHT NOW! get him out!!!!
    via u/NoTruth8492
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    FryOneFatManic And make sure he's paying child support.
    via u/FryOneFatManic
  • 13
    Kirbywitch Months ago? Try years.... He has never contributed and fights with their child. I seriously do not get this.
    via u/Kirbywitch
  • 14
    caffeinejunkie123 NTA. You should have kicked him out a lot sooner. Enjoy your Christmas in peace!
    via u/caffeinejunkie123
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    perpetually_quanked •23h ago • Edited 16h ago Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, The family were celebrating "she got rid of the louse!" His friends' numbers were blocked without care, If they're that concerned he can go & mooch there
    via u/perpetually_quanked
  • 16
    60moonchild what friends and First of all OP- who gives a f family say!!! You've been the meal ticket for this sorry a over 9 years!!! Read that again.... Now, put your big girl pants on,and get rid of him. You are modeling a very unhealthy relationship to your kids. Do you want them to have a life like yours???? Christmas or not- permanently remove him from your life. Also remove family and friends who aren't supporting.
    via u/60moonchild
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    Snowybird60 I agree with every word of this. I'd also like to mention the fact that at least now he's going to have to pay something through child support for his own children. I can't imagine OPs family and friends being okay with the fact that this tightwad hasn't contributed a single dime to anything for 9 years and they think she should keep putting up with his bulls
    via u/Snowybird60
  • 18
    morganalefaye125 The friends and family are probably afraid he will want to move in and mooch off of them!
    via u/morganalefaye125
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    Entire-Flower1259 Consider this a huge gift to yourself and your children.
    via u/Entire-Flower1259
  • 20
    readerowl Holidays mean nothing to this man, so it doesn't matter what time of year it is. Dump his a ! Enjoy a holiday with your children. Tell whoever contacts you that they can contact him, take him in, do whatever THEY want to do. He's their problem now!
    via u/readerowl
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    Louis V25 And keep the car in your name.
    via u/LouisV25
  • 22
    millymollymel Just think about how much easier your life will be without this deadweight holding you back. It might just be the best thing you do for all of you! It might be the wake up call he needs (it's not your problem either way) but it will definitely be good to show your children they don't have to stay trapped in an unhealthy relationship. I wish you a happy Christmas!
    via u/millymollymel
  • 23
    So-so-old NTA- don't cave to pressure. He should have all his earnings somewhere, since he doesn't spend them on his family. He can pay for a hotel while he finds a suitable home. Either way, he should not be your responsibility. Please let go of the guilt. You did not create him (yes, you enabled him, but now you are done).
    via u/So-so-old
  • 24
    Fairmount1955 Nope, not wrong. "This makes it incredibly hard to follow through because people start pressuring me to take him back." - well, soon as they try just shut them down? Who cares what they think? Tell them you're disappointed they are trying to pressure you and they do t respect this is why you need to do for the well being of you and your kids.
    via u/Fairmount1955
  • 25
    Physical-Trust-4473 • 1d ago • When they start pressuring you just turn it back on them and ask them why they won't take him in if they're so concerned.
    via u/Physical-Trust-4473

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long term relationship family drama marriage wife reddit story relationships husband dad family reddit thread ex husband Reddit mom toxic relationship christmas
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