Look, officer, I swear I don't know how all these "Detective Spooderman" action figures ended up in my store. I went through all the proper channels! I got in touch with Marvel—no, wait, was it Disney? Doesn't matter—I'm pretty sure someone gave me permission to sell these "official" Spooderman toys. But now I've got 5,000 figures of this bug-eyed, web-shooting knockoff with three arms and a hat for some reason, going for a sweet 3.99, two for 5.99. What do you mean Spider-Man doesn't wear a fedora? It's called "artistic interpretation," officer!
Hey, don't look at me like that—I didn't buy these things! Some guy left a box of them at my door with a note saying, "Free merch for your store." Was I supposed to just throw them away? No, I'm doing the neighborhood a favor by keeping this "collectible" out of the trash and selling them to, you know, enthusiasts. And now I'm in cuffs? What is this, a sting operation? Spooderman, save me!