'My friend wrote his [essay] about Paul Blart Mall Cop': 20+ Cringe-worthy college admissions essays by hopeful teens

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Dec 16, 2024 11:00 AM EST

Think back: can you remember what you wrote your college application essays about? For many kids, the subject matter requested is a story about something meaningful that happened in your life that changed you as a person. However, as the college admission readers of the world will tell you, these essays get repetitive. It's the same old stories about meaningful times in life, stories about family issues, or tales of friendship struggles. As one reader noted, she refused to read any more essays that talked about mission trips, since they were apparently all basically worded the same. There are only so many times you can read the same essay before you get super bored. 

However, there are a lot of pretty bad essays, too. Some people overshare, while others barely try. Like one person, who was admittedly very brave, was asked to write about what courage was. He wrote "This is," and submitted the essay! You know what, points for being a smart aleck, and let's hope that actually got them into the university of their dreams. 

Up next, read about the medical office worker who was put in charge of patient checkouts, leaving her coworkers to discover that "Incorrect appointments were scheduled, or not even made at all."

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  • 01
    College admissions officers. What was the worst essay you ever read?
    via u/ihatesingapore
  • 02
    [deleted] I read a guys admissions essay once. It started with "Check this out."
    via u/[deleted]
  • 03
    uncre8ive I read one where the girl talked about her time working as a waitress at a diner. And how any time one of the patrons "were creepy" to her, she and the cook would spit in the food. Made herself seem like a real likable person.
    via u/uncre8ive
  • 04
    Lt-SwagMcGee I used to intern at the admissions office at my university and got to read a couple essays from time to time. Firstly, you won't believe how many of these essays contain a sob story, or a story about how the kid went on a service trip and how it changed their lives.
    via u/Lt-SwagMcGee
  • 05
    Not exactly the worst, but I think the most cringe- worthy essay I read was one where this guy talked about how he thought he was more mature than anyone of his age, how he never talked to anyone in school because he thought they were too dumb for him, and how he spends his free time having conversations with scientists on the Internet. Also for some reason he felt the
    via u/Lt-SwagMcGee
  • 06
    some reason he felt the need to mention multiple times that he was straight edge and didn't understand how other kids of his generation found alc ol and dr s fun. I mean, his GPA was pretty good and he seemed like a decent kid but hl was that essay hard to read.
    via u/Lt-SwagMcGee
  • 07
    the_surly_cas... I did data entry for the admissions office of the university I attended as an undergrad. Mostly I just confirmed the identification numbers on papers/e-docs that were sent in, and entered the applications components onto a sort of checklist on the applicant's profile in the system. It wasn't my job to read the applications for content, but
    via u/the_surly_cashier
  • 08
    the job was tedious as h I, so I often did anyway. I've seen some exceptional sh. I teach high school now, and I tell my students exactly what happens when you write an idiotically over- the-top-first-world-problem sob story or pretentious special snowflake essay. The underpaid data monkeys who process your sh pass it around the bullpen and off. laugh our
    via u/the_surly_cashier
  • 09
    The best worst one I ever read was a personal statement from a female student explaining a disciplinary action on her school report. Apparently, she and her boyfriend both ran track and attended the [University Mascot] Invitational track meet on campus. She went into detail about a fight that she and her boyfriend had at the meet, and then explained that he had asked to talk to
    via u/the_surly_cashier
  • 10
    || her in private to "make up." She went on to say that they found an empty room in the field house and that he "was feeling romantic" and that they got caught having She tried to play it off as her enthusiasm for the campus in the most awkward and horrible way possible. My shift got nothing done that way because we all crowded around the computer reading it out loud. Even the supervisors got in on it.
    via u/the_surly_cashier
  • 11
    TL;DR If you get caught while visiting a university, maybe you shouldn't apply there mere months later. Or, maybe you shouldn't try to spin it as a demonstration of your enthusiasm about attending said university.
    via u/the_surly_cashier
  • 12
    When I was going through the college admissions process, my college counselor showed us a few essays that were examples of what not to write about on our essay. There was one that stood out in my mind about a girl that was seeing a scientist for one of her classes, and she went to talk to him one on one after his
    via r/AskReddit
  • 13
    speech. Fairly normal essay until she mentioned that she really needed to go to the bathroom. She decided not to excuse herself, but rather continue talking to the scientist because "the conversation was very stimulating". Well, she ended up herself in front of the scientist. She didn't get in to the school. TL;DR: If you gotta go, you gotta go
    via r/AskReddit
  • 14
    [deleted] My favourite teacher in high school used to grade provincial English exams. Basically they put you in a room and you rate essays out of 5 all day. You have to do one paper every 5-10 minutes. And you're supposed to do it in absolutely stone cold silence.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 15
    He's in the middle of grading a pretty blasé paper and he can just sense the guy beside him losing his sh. He's practically convulsing he's trying so hard not to laugh. He cracks and is openly howling and people start to get up and gather around to see what's funny. The kid ended every single sentence in exclamation marks.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 16
    We went to the mall today!! The mall was really packed!! We went to buy shoes!! The kind I wanted weren't there!! I was sad but then I bought another pair of shoes!!!!! They're okay! I like my new shoes!! Who does that?!
    via u/[deleted]
  • 17
    disperses A girl in my school wrote about how she thinks the essay portion of applications should be removed because it's degrading to the student. Don't remember if she got in.
    via u/disperses
  • 18
    [deleted] I don't think my essay was the worst- my high school teacher told me it was well- written. It was also a true story. But it was weird. I wrote about how I learned to take on and enjoy responsibility through helping my parents with dog breeding. That's not so bizarre, but the climax of my essay was the story about how I, monitoring a dog's
    via u/[deleted]
  • 19
    whelping (birthing), left the room for a minute only to come back to the dog standing up, puppy breaching and about to fall to the floor. You best believe I caught that sucker IN MY BARE HANDS and in that moment, I learned just how important and joyful it is to fulfill your responsibilities.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 20
    now_in_the_k... I used to work in admissions and my boss had pinned an essay up in her cubicle with the name whited-out. The entire thing was written like the applicant was a cat. She talked about coming to learn with silly humans and how art would be a cat's true passion if cats had passions.
    via u/now_in_the_know
  • 21
    She said that she didn't care about getting in, she just wanted to prove that she could. I don't think she was accepted, but that would have just been because of grades or text score, not the essay. That essay was legendary.
    via u/now_in_the_know
  • 22
    N UChicago has, for at least a year now, allowed students to create their own essay prompt to answer. One of my friends decided that he was going to answer the question "What is courage?". His entire essay was "This is".
    via u/Zintilyaspin
  • 23
    EDIT: In response to all of the comments saying that this is a well known internet hoax, I believe that the prevalence of this myth in popular culture was his inspiration for the essay.
    via u/Zintilyaspin
  • 24
    emectric I know someone who got into Harvard writing with an essay that combined her love of Pokemon with a story of when she started stripping. I know none of you will believe this, but I'm not kidding.
    via u/emectric
  • 25
    shrimcentral My friend wrote his about Paul Blart Mall Cop... Needless to say, he got accepted.
    via u/shrimcentral
  • 26
    H8rsH8 Not an essay example (I do have one), but I heard of a university (Duke, I think) that a kid wanted to get into so badly that he called the admissions office at least six times A DAY until they finally dropped his application to avoid his phone calls. Essay time: a kid wrote a wonderful 250-500 word essay about how badly he
    via u/H8rsH8
  • 27
    wanted to get into Emory University and how much it would mean to him. The only problem was the final line. "For all of the above reasons, I believe that an education at Cornell University would help my future as an adult."
    via u/H8rsH8
  • 28
    Of course, it was better written than my rendition, but the point was that he copied, pasted, and forgot to remove the last mentioning of Cornell. He didn't get into Emory.
    via u/H8rsH8
  • 29
    ObrienLion I sorted the applications at a university with a bunch of other college students during the winter break. This was a prestigious university and so people sent crazy things in to supplement their essays. We usually didn't sit around reading the essays unless it was a slow day but the "extra" stuff that went in their file was usually short enough to be passed around
    via u/ObrienLion
  • 30
    and giggled about. During the time I was there, one student sent in food (which had to be vetted and couldn't be eaten by anyone because for all we know it's poisoned), one sent in six recommendation letters - one from each other their parents and also a next door neighbor (that one was tough because technically we were only supposed to count the first three given),
    via u/ObrienLion
  • 31
    but my favorite had to be a guy who sent in a coloring book he made himself. It was made of construction paper and drawn on with crayons. Each page had a cut-out and typed up part of his application. This boy didn't send in an application other than this make-shift
    via u/ObrienLion
  • 32
    coloring book. I know because I sorted it and had to go around the entire building asking if we even had a folder for this kid. We did not.
    via u/ObrienLion
  • 33
    LenytheMage I visted rpi while looking at colleges they have two examples off the essay s they get and remember. One was to the tune of the fresh Prince of Belair (a "good" example) the other was in binary. All 1's and O's for like 10 pages.
    via u/LenytheMage
  • 34
    chazu_ Girlfriend is a college admissions officer. She read over a hundred essays from Chinese prospective students that all talked about "helping the blind". Had no idea that so many Chinese teenagers were active in their blind communities.
    via u/chazu_
  • 35
    purplelifesaver When I was in senior year, I applied to Carnegie Mellon University. They asked me to name a book that I read this year that was particularly meaningful and how it affected me. Application was due on January 1st so I submitted it on January 1st, saying: "None, it's only been 1 minute of 2014."
    via u/purplelifesaver
  • 36
    althormoon One of my best friends works in admissions for a top-tier university. She said that the instant she comes upon a "mission trip essay" she immediately stops reading and doesn't consider the essay at all, neither for or against them. No matter how special or transformative you think your trip was, they all say the exact same thing and
    via u/althormoon
  • 37
    are so derivative that it's not even worth her time to read it. I was also surprised to hear from her that the essay is the least considered part of the admissions package. It's virtually never the deciding factor between whether you get accepted or not.
    via u/althormoon
  • 38
    MrsAnthropy I don't work directly in admissions, but students applying for scholarships and graduate assistantships come directly to me. The last batch included one applicant who had not been admitted to the program, but whose essay was a guilt trip and a command. As in, "I took the time to apply for this scholarship, so your program better recognize
    via u/MrsAnthropy
  • 39
    that and admit me." Plus all her application materials were taken with a cell phone. Like, she printed out her application form and her undergrad transcripts, took photos of them, and then uploaded those blurry, out- of-focus photos in an email that I received. Let that one sink in. I also read a personal statement for a graduate- level program that was full
    via u/MrsAnthropy
  • 40
    of grammatical and spelling. errors. It was just super- vague words on paper about "The reason I want to attend this program is so I can have a career. This program will help me have a career. I would like to attend this program. If I attend this program, I can have a career."
    via u/MrsAnthropy
  • 41
    SMETRE Lİ MESAFEYİ SAĞLIĞINIZ İÇİN GÜVENLİ ME KORUYUNUZ
    via Ahmed For Unsplash+

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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