Dad gets mad at adult daughter for turning guest room into nursery for their newborn, preventing him from being able to stay with them during visits: 'He said it was selfish [...] to keep an office [...] over a [guest] room'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Dec 18, 2024 12:00 PM EST

Having relatives stay with you is difficult for everyone; the person visiting is displaced, and the person hosting has their life and normal routines disrupted with someone else always suddenly present. And in a small home or an apartment you really begin to feel the effects of this. This is further complicated by the needs of any babies, children, or pets who live at home with you, adding another often less predictable element to the mix. The trade-off is that you get to spend a whole length of quality time with someone whom you probably don't get to see quite as often as you used to, and it's impossible quite to get that same quality time and break through the ice to that "lived in" type of feel if they're staying elsewhere in the city. 

So, while it might stink that you might not be able to stay with your new-parent adult children in the way you could before, and you might find that fact disappointing, making the situation about yourself is just the wrong way to go about it. It's pretty clear that this father's accusations of selfishness are actually just a projection of his own self.

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  • 02
    AITA for sacrificing the guest room instead of the office space? My husband and I live in a 3 bedroom apartment. We sleep in the master bedroom, and until earlier this year, the other two were a guest room and an office space we both shared.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 03
    Our first child was born in October, and we decided to turn the guest room into his nursery. We thought about sacrificing the office instead, but decided we needed it more than the guest room. I work on-site, but I also do some freelancing from home, and my husband works hybrid. We don't need to do our work from the office, but it's more
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 04
    comfortable and less chaotic, especially now that we have a baby. On the other hand, we rarely have guests over. If we do, the office is big enough to set a mattress (edit: a normal one, not an air mattress) on the floor.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 05
    My father lives in a different country. He's traveling here for Christmas in about a week, and this will be his first time meeting my son in person. Last time he came, I was pregnant and we still had the guest room, so he stayed there during his visit.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 06
    A couple weeks ago, my father called to ask whether he could stay at my apartment again this year. I said sure, but we don't have the guest room anymore, so he'd have to sleep in the office. He asked what I meant, and I told him we'd turned the guest room into the baby's nursery.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 07
    He then asked why I hadn't gotten rid of the office instead. I explained my and my husband's reasoning. My father got annoyed and said, "Whatever, I'll get a hotel", before hanging up on me.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 08
    The next day, my father texted me. He said it was selfish and inconsiderate of me and my husband to keep an office we "don't actually need" over a room to properly house potential guests. He added that he didn't raise me to be such an awful hostess, and it's insane of me to think people would be okay sleeping on a mattress on the floor. My sister is siding with my father, and I'm starting to doubt myself here. AITA?
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 09
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the ahle: I turned my guest room into my baby's nursery, keeping my office instead. I'm now being told I'm a bad hostess, and I do get the argument that one should prioritize guests.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 10
    BlindUmpBob NTA. A guest room is nice to have, but you have reason enough to use that space otherwise. In fact, to not do so could be a waste of space. Surely your dad also taught you not to waste. resources.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 11
    As for sister dear, does she live nearby to you? Maybe she's afraid dad will hit her up. Or, does she live far away, and was figuring on using your guest room for some free lodging of her own?
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 12
    KaliTheBlaze NTA. A home should be set up for the best interests of the people who live there. You and your husband both regularly work from home. Sure, you could make do without the office, but it would be awkward and inconvenient for you both.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 13
    It's quite absurd for someone who isn't paying any part of the rent or living there to expect you to suffer routine inconvenience in your own home year round to better be convenient for them a few days a year.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 14
    StAlvis INFO my father called to ask whether he could stay at my apartment again this year. I said sure, but we don't have the guest room anymore, so he'd have to sleep in the office. I mean... is there a futon in the office? Pullout couch?
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 15
    Because if not, I wouldn't even offer and just go straight to "no, get a hotel."
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 16
    Kimbo151 NTA, WFH wasn't a thing when your father was in the workforce. Nowadays a home office is a must and it sounds like you and your husband both use it. While it is great to have a dedicated guest room it's also crazy to have a room in your house that is almost never used
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 17
    "just in case" someone comes to visit you. If the space permits I'd consider getting a nice/comfortable pull out sleeper sofa for your office but a plan to have guests stay at a nearby hotel is perfectly fine.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 18
    -cheeks It's never inconsiderate to prioritize your households. needs when making choices. Having a guest bedroom only benefits others not your husband your baby or you. NTA obviously.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 19
    lokua_CDN Honestly, I sometimes think it's so wasteful to keep a full room just on the premise that someone MIGHT come over to stay. I'm all for hybrid rooms. Office with a built in Murphy Bed on the wall. Project room with a pull out couch, exercise home gym with an Air mattress.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 20
    Like why take your limited space and have it dedicated solely to something that might not be used for months on an end. NTA by any means
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 21
    Spare_Ad5009 NTA. You're not an awful hostess, he's an awful guest. He is entitled and rode. If you want to house him, you could buy a metal frame for the mattress so that it will pass as a real bed, and take it down when he leaves. Or he could stay in the hotel he claims to prefer.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 22
    young929 NTA. Your house, your rules. Why should you keep the guest room to accommodate infrequent visitors when you use the office regularly? You'd be inconvenienced nearly daily, while your visitors would only be inconvenienced for the duration of their visit.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 23
    Glad_Commerci... NTA - housing a guest temporarily vs every day to day life? He's r de for being so demanding on your space, especially at just having a baby. He will be more comfortable in hotel considering how "disruptive" a baby can be.
    via GuestRoomDebacle
  • 24
    Berrybliss2014 My husband and I purposely don't have a guest room because we don't want to host guests and it's easier to turn people down if they ask to stay if you have nowhere to put them.
    via GuestRoomDebacle

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family dynamics family drama kids family feud parenting entitled family adult children parents entitled people
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