34-year-old man-child accuses 30-year-old girlfriend of being a gold digger, she leaves him and now he needs money: '[He's] got no gold to dig!'

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Dec 27, 2024 8:00 AM EST

It's funny how people revert to common tropes and accusations when they're insecure or threatened in their relationships. Often, what's really wrong in these relationships is something deeper that at least one party refuses to acknowledge or articulate, so instead of doing that deeper work, it's seemingly much easier to project something else onto the dynamic that's far more typical and shallow than what's really at play here.

In this instance, we have a younger couple where the girlfriend was suddenly expected to do all the chores in the household just because her significant other received a promotion and a slight pay bump that made their division of finances slightly more skewed in his direction. Before this promotion, everything had been 50/50, and now, just because of his minor increase in salary, the boyfriend expected his partner to be a stay-at-home-wife. When she called him out on this behavior, he accused her of being a gold digger despite the fact that there wasn't that much gold to dig. 

Keep scrolling below for her response and for the consequences of their relationship following the fight. For more stories like this, check out this post about an entitled aunt who stole her niece's dolls.

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  • 01
    My bf called me a gold digger so I left. Now he wants my help to pay the rent.
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    Quick rant - not looking for advice but for people who have been in similar situations.
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    I (f30) have been with my bf (m34) for 2 years. We moved in together 6 months ago and it was all good.
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    We had an understanding that we would go 50/50 on chores and bills until we decided to have a child (as I would be putting my body, career and life on the line he would obviously need to make up for his lack of risk by
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  • 05
    contributing more around the house and monetary). Because of this I believed we had an understanding on how we believed partnership should work.
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  • 06
    2 months ago he got a slight promotion and pay bump, which meant we adjusted our cut of the bills to reflect that. But somehow he's comes to expect me to then take up the chores at home. It
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  • 07
    started with small things that I knew he could do like dishes and laundry and escalated to sitting down all weekend watching me do my half and leaving his half of the chores to accumulate.
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  • 08
    He blamed it on the stress and added workload, but we're both corporate and work at our desks regardless. I would be more understanding if his job was more physically demanding.
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  • 09
    It got to a breaking point when I noticed mould in the pots he was meant to clean (if either of us cooks, it's the others responsibility to clean). He just
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    kept the lid on it so that i wouldn't notice. I needed to take a day off work to catch up with all the cleaning he neglected. The last straw was when he came home without groceries, despite
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    it being his week. Usually when either of us is too tired to do groceries, we let the other know in advance so we can at least order in food.
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  • 12
    I told him we need to add a cleaner to the bills if he's not happy doing chores anymore, because I refuse to do them if he's isn't contributing fairly too.
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    He made an excuse about not wanting a stranger in our flat. I then said we'd need to begin ordering groceries deliverers for the extra cost too if he can no longer be bothered and he called me frivolous with money.
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    So I suggested that I would be happy to take up these responsibilities. But it would mean I drop my working days from 5 to 4, and I would expect to be compensated for the sacrifice
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    I'm taking to my own career so he can "focus on his responsibilities". Because apparently they matter more than my own. And I would also expect to be paid an hourly rate for doing the chores at the average market salary for a housekeeper.
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    He seemed so surprised and shocked I'd suggest that and didn't know how to reply despite having an answer for everything I said before. I started to feel like he was trying to manipulate me into a situation that was more ideal to him and less ideal to me.
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    And if he loved me, he wouldn't be doing that. So I asked him if his friends put him up to do this, because I knew they all struggled to keep gfs and he said a "proper woman would be happy to look after the house". And called me a gold digger.
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    I was shocked, because I wasn't asking for designer items, I was asking for fair compensation for my labour especially seeing as it would dent my own career to take on all this work. So I called him a gold digger for wanting a private chef and housekeeper for free. I
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    was admittedly angry at this point and also told him to stop being so proud of his promotion if he was too broke to afford a chef and cleaner and instead tries to manipulate the woman he loves
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    to do it for free (not really for free because taking a day off from my salary means I'll be paying for the privilege to clean up after him out of pocket)
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    I told him he was dragging me down when we were supposedly meant to build each other up equitably. The flat is his, so when he was ignoring me after the fight, I started packing. He told me I would see sense, but I didn't bother. I started to feel embarrassed that I didn't notice
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  • 22
    he was like this, and wasted 2 years to build up to this let down. As I packed my car I said as much and told him to not contact me.
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  • 23
    I blocked him everywhere and he's now sending our mutual friends messages and voice. notes to forward to me. My friends have been mostly on my side, seeing him as a bit pitiful,
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    and I can see that. One of the male friends we have in common mentioned that he's been watching podcasts recently about masculinity and I have a feeling this is where he got the idea to stall my future and put me
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    under his foot to only serve his dreams and goals. I feel angry the more I think about it. He loved those podcasts men's ideas more than he loved me and now he expects me to feel sorry that he
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  • 26
    can't afford the rent without my contribution. But I believe he still thinks I'm the gold digger for not accepting an unfair division of effort and labour.
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  • 27
    If this has happened to any other women, how did you address it? I'm annoyed I let it trickle and accumulate for 2 months before addressing.
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    Moving forward I won't enter a relationship without having this outlined at the dating stage. I'm in my 30s now and don't want to deal with men expecting free women labour because society makes them believe it's worthless in comparison to what they do.
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    PS - sorry for my wonky English I am from a European country that isn't the UK
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  • 30
    sweetlceTea_ • 58m ago Nothing funnier than men calling women gold diggers. when they got no gold to dig
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    Puzzled-Tree... . • 50m ago. thanks for sharing, I needed a good laugh this morning. I'm laughing at him, btw. I'm from the generation where this was the norm. Weak little men feel they need to dominate in order to be 'real'
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  • 32
    men. They are desperate to perpetuate stereotypical gender roles because their insignificant little fathers did it that way. I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm so glad that you see it for what it is. Thank god for evolution.
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    Cheezburger Image 10444042240
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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